


Kindred

by Blueberrychills94



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Illness, Maternal Instincts, Mental Illness, Mood Swings, Nightmares, PTSD, Post Mockingjay, Pre Epilogue, Raising a baby, Rebuilding, Regret, everlark, growing together, highjacking, paternal instincts, shared abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-07-24 19:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 60,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7519706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueberrychills94/pseuds/Blueberrychills94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Her name is Willow. Take her. I don't want her." </p><p>After the rebellion, Katniss barely goes outside. She depends on Greasy Sae to look after her and can't interact with anyone else, not even Peeta.</p><p>Then a baby is left on her doorstep. With no-one to look after it but herself and Peeta, the responsibility of caring for a child might just be what brings them together again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Unwelcome Reunion

Kindred

By Blueberrychills94

Chapter One

Katniss lay on her bed, just as she did every day. Cocooned in her duvet, she was safe. Safe from the harshness of the outside world; of the ache she felt every time she moved; of the agony that consumed her every time she thought of how alone she was. She stared at her door, a rectangular outline in the gloomy darkness of her room. Soon, she'd have to get up. She promised Haymitch that if she got out of bed and showed him that she was making an effort to live then he wouldn't break her door down and move into the spare bedroom next door.

She was free six months now. The rebellion ended and her so called 'shackles' were broken. Katniss never felt free, even when she wasn't slung into prison for Coin's murder. She was still chained. Bound by the things she had done. The things she had seen; heard; said . . . caused. Her bindings were unbreakable. She simply had to shuffle through life with her invisible bondage and wait for the day that she could be with Prim again. Because that was all she wanted. To be with Prim again.

Katniss heaved herself off her bed. Her skin, tight and scarred from the fire that blazed in the darkness of her nightmares still, protested in pain. Every time she moved a muscle, it felt like her skin was going to rip open again, blood flowing and sizzling like it had done that abhorrent day. The Capitol was gone. There was no longer such thing as body polish to rid her of her wounds. Not that she wanted rid of them. She needed the scars as a reminder of what she had done. Of what she deserved.

There were two excuses for Katniss to get up. One was to eat. If she didn't eat, Greasy Sae would break into her room (what was the obsession with breaking into her house anyway?) and drag her downstairs by her ear. Between Greasy Sae and Haymitch, it seemed that not everyone thought the same way as Katniss. Where she thought her life was worthless, they believed she still had reason to live. Katniss wished she knew this reason. Maybe if she knew this reason she'd think she could try to live again. But she didn't.

Greasy Sae was in the kitchen, as she was every day, making stew. The old woman claimed that Katniss had to put meat back on her bones, as the days before Greasy Sae had returned from District 13, Katniss had tried to starve herself out. Well, she hadn't tried to starve herself intentionally. She just didn't think to eat. Those were the days she lay in bed without any reason to rise. The days where she didn't see a reason for anything. At least now she had some reasons. Two of them. Two was better than none.

"How are you doing today, girl?" Greasy Sae asked as she saw Katniss approach from the living room.

"Alright." Katniss winced as she sat on the stool across from where Greasy Sae was cooking. The elderly woman glanced at her and tsked, knowing that Doctor Aurelius had sent Katniss painkillers imported from what used to be the Capitol. Painkillers she wasn't taking.

After the rebellion ended, the rebels overtook the Capitol. The Citizens weren't punished. Katniss could easily see President Coin ordering the execution of all Capitol Citizens just because they were . . . well, Capitolites. But it wasn't their fault that they were born in the Capitol which Paylor-who was voted by the people for the people in Panem's first ever democratic vote-saw. In a way, Katniss was glad that she killed Coin. The more she pondered the Hunger Games for the Capitol children, the more she realized how barbaric it was. It would have made her no better than Snow himself . . .

The rebels took over the Capitol and now used their technology for good. The Districts were being helped (District 12 receiving a lot of short-term aid to help them rebuild) and were being sent money and supplies to help better themselves. Most Districts already had pharmacies with Capitol Medicine in them but since District 12 was still only made up of shelters and wobbly structures, they hadn't had the chance to be given anything like that yet. Many people went to the empty Victor's houses for shelter and others were staying in other Districts and coming to 12 every morning to help rebuild. Even that thought alone was particularly jarring. Moving so easily between Districts like it was no big deal. Katniss couldn't comprehend it.

"You aren't going to get any better if you don't take the medication that Aurelius sends to you."

Katniss grunted in response. She wanted to tell Greasy Sae that she didn't feel like she deserved painkillers and that she deserved every ache and pain she felt. However, she caught on that Sae reported everything she said or even did to Haymitch and Haymitch wasn't one for letting things like that go. Ever since he'd been forced to go sober in 13, the old drunk hadn't touched the stuff since. Katniss didn't know if this was a 'new lease of life' type of deal or if the fact that Ripper had constantly moved back and forth to and from District 9 had something to do with it.

Greasy Sae passed Katniss a bowl of stew, which she picked at pedantically. She knew she'd have to eat it all because Sae would pester her until she did, but she liked to take her time just to prove that she wasn't happy about being force fed. Sometimes Katniss wondered if Sae went two doors down when she left her to her own devices. If she went into that house and did the exact same thing for him . . .

Katniss hadn't seen Peeta since he planted the primroses in her garden. She didn't bother asking about him because she knew exactly what his deal was: he was moping just like she was. It was obvious. They both didn't see a reason for living, but Haymitch and Sae weren't allowing it. So where Katniss had her two reasons, Peeta probably did too. One of which included baking. Katniss knew this was because she received a loaf of bread, every day, at eight in the morning on the dot. It was always in a Moses basket and covered in a blanket so rodents and insects didn't get at it before it was found. He didn't knock on the door to announce the bread's arrival. He just left it there, on her doorstep, at the same time every morning. Sae always brought it inside when she came at nine.

Katniss' second reason for getting up every day was pretty basic: to water the primroses. Not only did such an activity take her outside so that Haymitch would see that she got up as he sat on his porch chucking stale breadcrumbs at the geese but it also gave her something to look after. After eating her stew, she put her bowl into the sink and nodded her thanks to Sae before going outside.

The sun beat down on her face like a giant shining a torch in her face. Katniss hated such brutal heat as it reminded her of her wrinkled skin and ugly grafts and what caused them. She shuddered and climbed down her porch steps, in her sweat pants and tank top, to collect the watering can from under Haymitch's blueberry bush. The pavement had cracks in it, probably from the ground shaking as the Capitol bombed 12 nearby, and Katniss avoided stepping on them. She'd developed quirks like that, habits she couldn't shake even if she wanted to.

Haymitch sat where he always did; his rocking chair situated on the porch. He gave Katniss a singular wave before closing his eyes and tipping his head back to take in the sun that his porch currently blocked. Katniss picked the watering can out from under the bushes and returned to her garden.

The yellow-white flowers were in bloom, standing out like proud smiles in Katniss' garden. She appreciated the gesture and knew that Peeta hadn't had bad intentions when he planted them there, but she still didn't know how she felt about them. Did she really want a constant reminder of her sister's death slap bang in front of her house? Could she really handle that? She'd been dealing with it fine-ish for the past few months but what about when it was Prim's anniversary? Would she be able to take it then? What was stopping her breaking down and tearing every flower out of the soil one by one and ripping them apart?

Nothing, really.

"Plotting revenge, sweetheart?" Haymitch's voice floated across the still spring air.

Katniss shook her head and went to the garden tap, filling the can until the weight was too heavy to bear. She returned to the primroses and started watering them, making sure not to drown them. She could feel Haymitch's eyes on her. He watched her a lot out of curiosity. It wasn't like he thought she would try to stab herself with gardening scissors or anything, he just didn't have a lot to do. He wasn't much help with the rebuilding of the District as his hands were shaky from going cold turkey and he spent most of his time sitting on his porch, even when it was raining.

"Just as well. Revenge doesn't solve anything."

Katniss knew this all too well. Killing Coin got her nothing but wasted seconds that she could have used to swallow her Nightlock pill. Seconds that would have bought her time so that Peeta wouldn't have reached her and stopped her. Her revenge attempt got her nothing but a laugh from her enemy and a failed worldly escape.

Katniss always filled the can up too much. She made her way back over to Haymitch's, sun on her back and eyes squinted against the bright light, and chucked some water over his blueberry bush. Most of the blueberries were gone; nicked by the geese. It would probably be next spring before the berries grew back again.

"It's good to see you, sweetheart."

Glancing at her old mentor, Katniss smiled. It was small, minute even, but she knew he saw it. The fact that Haymitch cared for her like she was his own daughter meant a lot to her. She didn't want to shut him out, not completely. It wasn't fair to treat him like that, not after what they had gone through together. Common sense dictated that the same should be said for Peeta. Except Katniss couldn't buck up the courage to stand outside his house, let alone go to his door and talk to him.

Haymitch smiled back and tipped his hat to her. Katniss returned to her house and was relieved by the dull dark it provided. Sae didn't force her to open her curtains because she knew that facing the sun was difficult to Katniss on most days and she could only handle it in small doses. She went to the kitchen and washed her dishes (Katniss didn't include this as a reason to get up because she hated cleaning her dishes but she also hated how disgusting it made her kitchen when it wasn't clean) before returning to bed.

Katniss climbed back into her duvet cocoon and curled into herself. Her two reasons to rise made her tired every time, without fail, because her body had grown so accustomed to doing nothing that even walking down the stairs exhausted her. Her eyelids were heavy, blurred by the cruel shine of the sun, and she allowed herself to fall asleep. Thankfully, nightmares only came to her at night, and when she napped her mind was simply left empty.

She was roused by Sae half an hour before dinner, as their routine dictated. Katniss' eyes slid into focus to see the aged face of Greasy Sae smiling at her. "Time to rise again, my dear," she said. Katniss glanced at her clock. It read seven o'clock. Weird. Sae usually woke her up at half seven because dinner was at eight. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked back at Sae, who knew immediately that Katniss had noticed the change in routine. "I thought you'd like to get up a bit earlier tonight," she explained.

"Why?" asked Katniss.

Sae looked like she was hiding something. Her grin was too mischievous to be common. She then said, "I've invited Haymitch and Peeta over for dinner tonight."

Katniss' heart fell into her stomach and jumped back up into her throat in one fell swoop. "You what?" she said.

"I thought it would be nice for us all to sit down together," explained Sae. "It has been six months, after all."

"Sae, I don't know if"-

"Too late, dear. It's already done. They're coming at eight."

Katniss felt sick. Not because Haymitch was coming. If it was just him she'd be okay with it but she hadn't seen Peeta in months. She didn't know what she'd say to him. What would he think if he saw her? She only showered once a week, twice in a good week, and barely changed clothes. Maybe he was the same. But what if he wasn't?

Sae must have read Katniss' mind as she said, "I've left fresh clothes in the bathroom if you want to have a quick wash?"

Katniss clamoured out of bed and ran to the bathroom. She didn't know why this had panicked her so much but she didn't want Peeta to see her like this. Not after it seemed like she had been doing okay last they spoke. After that day she sort of spiralled downward. She always assumed that Peeta went downhill too but it only occurred to her as Sae said he was coming for dinner that maybe he hadn't. Peeta had been sentient enough to go out, purchase primroses and plant them in Katniss' garden. At that point, Katniss could barely walk in a straight line. It was clear that they both had different recovery paces and Katniss was behind Peeta by miles.

She stripped out of her sweaty clothes and climbed into the shower. Katniss despised the showers in the Victor's Village houses because they were cubicles made of glass, meaning she could see her entire body reflection in the door. Most of her body was now made up of skin grafts and scars. There wasn't a part of her body that hadn't needed to be operated on besides her head and neck. She'd gotten lucky in that regard. Some people left that explosion with only half their face left and limbs missing. Katniss had never cared about her appearance in the past anyway but she loathed it now. She was a patchwork person.

The only thing Katniss used from the medication Aurelius sent her was the soap. The lemon scented Capitol imported soap that always sat in the house before the rebellion now stung her burnt skin and caused it to break out. Katniss couldn't stand the itch it caused and preferred the soothing coolness the soap Aurelius gave her provided on her tortured body.

Katniss patted herself dry and pulled on the tank top and jeans Sae gave her. She padded downstairs in her bare feet and grabbed a pair of rolled up socks off the radiator. She sat on the couch and pulled them on before crossing her legs and tying her wet hair up into its braid. Sae was busy in the kitchen, humming to herself as she made dinner; usually consisting of turkey and potatoes and whatever remained of the bread Peeta left that morning.

"You might want to put a bra on, Katniss," Sae said.

Katniss stared at her friend from her position on the sofa. She hadn't worn a bra since she returned to 12 and never really thought about putting one on when she was getting dressed. Looking down at herself, she saw that Sae was probably right.

"Do we even have bras anymore?" asked Katniss.

"Try the laundry basket."

Katniss found a bra and yanked it on just in time for the doorbell to ring. She slipped into the stool by the islet in the kitchen and stared at the granite intensely while Sae answered the door. Her hand clenched into a tight fist as she heard the voices greeting each other; so hard that pinpricks of blood spilled out as tiny pieces of skin separated. She breathed in deeply and told herself to calm down. These were the people she used to trust with her life. The people she still would trust with her life.

When she glanced around as footsteps approached, the first thing she saw was Haymitch. He flipped his cap out of the way of his eyes and winked at her before disappearing down the hall to where the bathroom was. Sae was behind him, resuming her work in the kitchen. And finally, she last in line, was him.

Katniss couldn't believe how well Peeta looked. He looked the way he did before they left for the Quarter Quell. Clean; well fed; dressed sensibly; and sane. It immediately made Katniss self-conscious. What would he think if he saw the way she had looked an hour previous? Would he have been surprised or horrified? If he was still the Peeta Katniss knew and at one point loved she hoped it was the former. The Peeta she knew didn't judge people on trivial things like that.

"Hello Katniss, how are you?" he asked.

"Okay," Katniss answered. She was unable to look him in the eye and spoke to his feet. He stood with his toes turned inward a little, something she had never noticed before now. Then again, she'd never spoken to his feet before.

Sae was able to fill in Katniss' social gaps and asked Peeta how he was doing. He replied with, "Alright. I can't really complain right now."

"How's your hijacking? Is the medication Aurelius sends working?" Sae asked.

"It works relatively well," Peeta smiled. Katniss was bowled over by the fact that he could smile and that he did it so wide and bright. She almost wanted to reach out and poke the dimples in his cheeks, just to make sure it was genuine. "Sometimes it doesn't. There still isn't much to be done about the random attacks but Aurelius promises that he's working on it."

Random attacks? What random attacks?

Sae smiled sympathetically and gestured for Peeta to sit down. He took a seat beside Katniss and she took a sharp intake of breath at the closeness of it. She'd never had someone in her proximity since she became a recluse and her hairs pricked up at the intimacy of it. She could practically smell Peeta's baking off his clothes and skin. A random thought popped into her head of if she pressed her nose against his skin would it smell like browning crust but she slapped it back out before she dwelled on it too long.

Haymitch returned shortly after and the three of them engaged in conversation. Katniss stayed clear of talking and simply picked at her food once it was placed in front of her. While Sae and Haymitch were talking about planting some strawberries bushes, Peeta nudged Katniss' arm and when she looked at him he gestured to the granite and wrote, "You didn't know I was coming tonight, real or not real?" with his finger.

Katniss smiled to herself and wrote, "Real," with her own finger.

Peeta shook his head but was still smiling. "Sae?"

"Yeah."

"I should have known."

It seemed that Sae had been just as pushy with Peeta as she had been with Katniss. It fit Sae well. At least she wasn't playing favourites. Katniss wondered if Sae and Peeta knew each other at all from before the rebellion, or maybe got to know each other in 13? Surely Sae didn't simply barge into Peeta's house like she did with Katniss without them having been acquainted first? Then again . . .

"You look good," Peeta wrote. Katniss smiled, despite herself. Somehow her blood heated up at the compliment, like it had done before the world turned to crap and their lives were bearable. "How are you coping?"

"Fine. The nights are the worst."

"Nightmares?"

"What else?"

Peeta sighed and said in a quiet murmur, "I would keep writing on the granite but I feel like Sae is going to butt in any minute and tell us to stop being so anti-social."

Katniss glanced at Sae, who was glancing at them every-so-often as if checking up on them. "I think you're right," she replied, her own voice nearly a whisper. They shared a smile, the gesture feeling so familiar that it reminded Katniss of children hiding secrets from their parents.

"So, are the nightmares bad?" Peeta asked this carefully, like part of him expected Katniss to fly off the handle just from hearing the word being spoken.

"I can't say they're good," Katniss admitted. Even before the rebellion, the only person she felt comfortable discussing her nightmares with was Peeta because he understood what she was going through and knew how it felt. "Do . . . do you still . . . ?"

"Have nightmares?" Peeta finished. Katniss nodded. "All the time. It's not too bad though. It's the attacks I'd be more worried about."

"What attacks?" Katniss was surprised by how conversational she was being. Usually she only spoke a few words to Greasy Sae, even on a good day, yet Peeta had somehow gotten full sentences and an actual sentient conversation out of her without even trying. "Is it the hijacking?"

Peeta nodded. He'd clearly finished his dinner and was simply stirring the gravy with the tip of his fork. Katniss watched the movements of the utensil like she was under a hypnotist's spell. "I'm technically still hijacked," Peeta explained. "I probably will be for the rest of my life."

"Don't feel too bad about it, boy," said Haymitch, nudging Peeta with his elbow. "You could apply for a disabled badge."

"I don't think they give those to people with mental inhibitions," Sae tutted. Paylor was bringing back many old world laws, including this thing called a disabled badge. The elderly or disabled were given it to display in vehicles so they could park closer to buildings.

"It's a nice thought but I don't even have a car," Peeta pointed out. District 6 was setting up a transport business and would soon be setting up chains selling cars; airplanes; trains; the works; all over the country. They were getting funding from the Capitol, just as many other Districts were so they could set up chains all over Panem. So everyone was benefited, not just the Capitol. It would be better than any world Snow could have created.

"Okay, when you get a car, apply for the badge," Haymitch corrected. He moped his gravy up with his bread and winked as he took a bite.

"Still wouldn't work," Sae sang.

"Legally, I shouldn't be on my own. I was talking to Aurelius and both Katniss and I would qualify as unstable enough to be put on 'suicide watch'. Kind of ironic," Peeta shrugged. "I guess the new justice system can't trust me to walk into town on my own to help rebuild without going completely psychotic."

"They wouldn't let me help either," Sae helpfully put forward. "Too old, apparently."

Katniss didn't know a lot about the old world rules Paylor was putting into place. She didn't know how they would affect her or how she would be involved with them. It seemed Peeta knew, so did Sae and Haymitch. How did you find that sort of thing out anyway? Was there a public announcement she missed because she was too busy moping in bed?

"Suicide watch is stupid," she muttered. It sounded childish, but she felt that it summed up the system pretty well.

"Your watch saved your life," Haymitch reminded her. "Which is the purpose of it, so I think it's pretty successful.

"Have you been in town recently, Katniss?" Peeta asked. Sae started to get up to collect the dishes but Peeta got up faster, waving his hand for her to sit down and putting a finger to his lips when she tried to complain.

"No," Katniss honestly answered. She saw no reason to lie to Peeta. He'd be able to spot it a mile off. "I haven't been in the town at all since I came back. I visited the grave a couple of times but other than that . . . I've just stayed here."

"You should see the progress they've made," Peeta suggested as he collected her plate. "It might lift your spirits a little."

"Why? What have they done?" asked Katniss.

"The ground has been repaved; they're in the process of taking down the District fences; roads between the Districts are being created-winding around the forest so it doesn't disturb the wildlife-and a lot of the buildings are already in the process of being built up again," Peeta explained.

Katniss stared at the sink as Peeta put the dishes into them. It was good that the District was making progress. However, she didn't feel ready to go and see for herself. "What about the bakery?" she found herself asking. There was a pause. Katniss' heart back flipped. Should she have brought that up? Was it too soon for Peeta to talk about it?

"Thom told me that if I'm ever deemed healthy enough I can be given the land in which my parents' bakery used to stand," Peeta finally explained. "He said they can't touch it, since it's legally mine."

"Did your parents' leave it to you?" Sae asked sympathetically.

"No," Peeta said carefully, as if choosing his words delicately. "They left it to Wyvern . . . then Rye. Then me."

Wyvern and Rye were Peeta's brothers. Katniss had never been able to recollect their names until that very moment. Since both of them were dead, it meant that the bakery was Peeta's by default. Katniss wondered if Mrs. Mellark even included Peeta in her and her husband's will. From what Katniss had briefly saw of her, she seemed like a hateful woman, especially towards her youngest son. Now all of them were dead but him.

Katniss felt dizzy. She pressed her hand against her forehead and leaned against the counter. Dead. All of them. Hundreds upon thousands of them. All dead because of her actions. They died running for their lives. Her arms fell and she threw her head into them. No. No. No. The memories were coming back. The horrifying images from her nightmares. Her friend Madge screaming in agony with blood like strawberry juice coming from her lips; the bakery collapsing upon Peeta's family; fire; lots of fire . . . Prim exploding right before her eyes.

"Katniss?"

Katniss' jolted at the feeling of a hand on her back. She looked up, stricken, to see Peeta perched on the edge of his seat with his hand on her shoulder blade. "Katniss, are you okay?"

"I . . . I . . . want to go to bed," Katniss whispered. She slipped out of her seat and started walking to the stairs.

There was a knock on the door and Katniss paused. Sae glanced at her, confused. "Who could that be?" she said. Anyone who would even think about visiting Katniss was in her house right now.

Katniss' feet took her to the door. She wasn't entirely sure why as she had never answered her door. Sae had always done it. She just had a random urge to do this herself. She reached the door and twisted the handle, throwing the door open to reveal . . . nothing.

The sky outside was ink black, dotted with little yellow stars. Katniss frowned. Was someone ding dong ditching? The Seam kids used to do that to the Merchants. Katniss remembered sitting on the wall by the Shoe Maker's after dealing with Delly Cartwright's father to exchange shoes for Prim with a bag of buttons she'd gotten from the Hob, watching the Seam kids ding dong ditch the bakery. Thankfully, Peeta had answered the door. If it had been his mother, who knew what sort of hell would break loose. Peeta had simply shrugged it off and met Katniss' eyes across the square. Katniss had broken the contact immediately and walked away, still having felt that crippling sense of debt to him.

Just as she was about to close the door, Katniss just happened to look down.

And there it was.

A Moses basket. The sort Peeta delivered her bread in. It had a blanket and a note on top of it. Katniss bent over and picked the note up.

"Her name is Willow. Take her. I don't want her."

What?

Katniss looked back at the basket. She jumped when something moved inside of it. She banged into something behind her and screamed in surprise. Two hands grabbed her elbows before she could lash out and she exhaled in relief when she recognised Peeta's touch. "What is it?" he asked.

"I don't . . ." Katniss picked the blanket up between her forefinger and thumb and threw it away like it was radioactive. Her stomach dropped at what was revealed and she was glad that Peeta was still holding her or she'd have passed out. Two blue eyes stared up at them and a tiny smile broke out on the tiny creature's face.

Peeta's eyes widened. "Is that . . ?"

Katniss mutely nodded.

It was a baby.


	2. What is Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having no idea who Willow's parents are, or who could have possibly left her on Katniss' doorstep, they are forced to try to come to a resolution that doesn't involve ditching the child again. Greasy Sae suggests a solution that Katniss isn't fond of, but has no other option but to accept.

Chapter Two

Katniss moved to shut the door. She would have been successful, too, if it hadn't been for Peeta placing his hand on the door firmly, pushing against it to hold it back. "What are you doing?" he asked incredulously.

"Shutting the door," Katniss stated. Wasn't that obvious?

"You can't just leave her out there!"

"She's not coming in here!"

Peeta pulled an expression of disbelief. It was splattered all over his face like spots of paint. Katniss stared back at him, right in the eyes. Something she hadn't been able to do until this exact moment. What did he want her to do? Bring the baby inside? Her depression was forgotten momentarily as she glared at Peeta, the way she used to in the years before they were reaped for the Games. When life was not easy but easier than it was now. When she felt like she owed him everything and despised him for it.

Haymitch comes strolling out of the kitchen. "What's going on out here? Why are you two standing in the doorway gawking? Shesh, if I thought you were going to get on like this I would have suggested Sae and I eat at my place. You could cut the sexual tension with a knif"-He stopped dead in the doorway, staring out onto the doorstep through the gap between Peeta and Katniss. Then he started to laugh.

Katniss broke her gaze with Peeta to glare at Haymitch sharply. "What's so funny?" she snapped.

"Is that a kid?" Haymitch moved to pick the basket up but Katniss moved in front of him twice as fast. Her old mentor looked at her with weary eyes. "What are you doing sweetheart?"

"You're not bringing a baby in here," said Katniss.

"What do you say we do with her then?" Haymitch challenged.

"I don't know! It's not my responsibility!" Katniss exclaimed. Who would leave a baby on her doorstep anyway? She wasn't looking for children, she never wanted them in fact. She wasn't a loving or affectionate person. Who in their right mind thought, 'Oh look, there's Katniss Everdeen's house, I'm sure she'd take in my baby no problem!'?

Peeta's eyes had turned sympathetic. "Katniss, we can't leave a baby out in the cold. We're just going to bring her in for a few minutes until we can figure out what to do with her," he said gently. He touched Katniss' arm, his hand making heat bloom on contact. Katniss jerked her arm away instinctively, knowing how her damaged skin felt and not wanting Peeta to know how withered she was.

Katniss shook her head. No. She didn't want a baby in her house. It was wrong. Morally and principally. She wasn't good with children. She'd mess it up, somehow. Drop the baby; knock the basket over; have a mental breakdown and injure the infant in some way. She physically couldn't do it. What was the other option, though? Shut the door and let the kid freeze to death? Which would come first, freezing or starving to death?

Peeta moved around Katniss slowly, picking the basket up as carefully as he could. Katniss remained rooted to the spot, powerless to stop him as he handed the basket to Haymitch who then took it into the kitchen. Peeta stayed in the doorway with Katniss. "It's okay," he said with a voice that made a shiver slither down Katniss' spine. It was his nightmare voice. The voice he used to use when they shared a bed. The voice that anchored Katniss to reality. The voice that ripped through her broken dreams and rescued her without fail. Before they were torn apart, that was.

"Why would anyone leave a child here?" Katniss said shakily. "What do they want me to do?"

"Maybe they don't want you to do anything. Maybe they just want you to find someone who will look after Willow," Peeta assured her. The very fact that he could call the baby by her name already made Katniss want to punch him and hug him at the exact same time. He was so easily accepting that it made everyone else look like heartless beasts.

"Oh my goodness!" Sae cackled from the kitchen.

Katniss moved away from Peeta. From the weight his gaze placed upon her shoulders. She practically ran from him into the kitchen, where she found Sae holding the baby against her chest. Willow's expression was peaceful but Katniss knew how babies worked. In an hour or two her face would be screwed up and she'd be screaming like holy hell until someone shoved some food into her gullet. Babies were very deceptive creatures.

Sae looked so content with the child, Katniss clicked her fingers and declared, "Sae! You'll take her, won't you?"

Sae looked uncomfortable. She glanced at Haymitch, who was suddenly fascinated with the ceiling. "Actually, dear, I'm sort of going to District 6 for a while," she reluctantly admitted.

Katniss didn't understand. "Can't you take her with you?"

"For a 9 to 5 job?" Sae finished. When Katniss' face fell, she quickly explained. "Haymitch promised me he'd look after you while I was away. It's just my grandchildren moved from 13 to 6 so I just thought I'd go for a few months to be closer to them. I didn't want you to feel like I was abandoning you . . ."

Katniss found this information difficult to process. It was great that Sae had found a way to be closer to her family but that meant being further from Katniss. She had been relying on Sae greatly, would Haymitch be enough to remind her of her routine? Who was going to make her meals? Katniss didn't know how to cook and she knew Haymitch certainly didn't. Without Sae her life was going to deteriorate. Would Katniss have a reason to get up when Sae left? All that would leave would be the primroses . . .

"What about Delly?" Katniss asked, turning to Peeta who was the last to enter the kitchen. "Would she be able to take her?"

Peeta shook his head. "Delly went to the Capitol. I think she met someone in 13 and they're building a life for themselves in the city."

Katniss fell into a seat by the kitchen islet and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "There has to be someone who'll take the damn thing!"

"I'll take her until we can find someone to have her, if that's what needs to be done," Peeta said firmly.

Haymitch cut in, "I don't know, boy. You said so yourself, you're still chemically hijacked."

A part of Katniss wanted Peeta to take the baby. She wanted the kid out of her sight. However Haymitch had a point. What if Peeta took Willow two doors down and had a flashback? He seemed to be dealing with it generally fine on his own but if he had a baby in the premises . . . Katniss shuddered. She couldn't help it. She knew Peeta would never hurt a child. He wouldn't dream of it. The hijacked version of himself, his hybrid, on the other hand, was irrational and scared. Who knows what he would do under those conditions.

"I'm going to suggest something," Sae said carefully, "and I want you both to think about it before answering me."

Katniss stared at Sae with an unwavering gaze. "What?" she asked slowly.

"Why doesn't Peeta stay here with you, Katniss? Just for the sake of caring for Willow until you find someone to take her? Just in case Peeta has a flashback, you can get the child to safety, Katniss," Sae suggested. "You don't have to share a room like you used to but it might be good for you both to have some company anyway. Especially since I'll be leaving soon."

Katniss' first instinct was to immediately say no. She feared being alone with Peeta but then another part of her was drawn towards him like a moth to a flame. That part desperately wanted him around. Except every fibre of her being did not want a child in her house. But what other option was there? Willow couldn't be left with Haymitch; he could barely look after himself!

Peeta glanced at Katniss' nervously. "I could sleep on the sofa and keep Willow down here if you want?" he suggested sheepishly. Katniss stared at him, almost blankly. She couldn't comprehend what was happening. "Unless of course you don't want me to and I'll just risk taking Willow back home. I'm sure I won't flashback. I haven't done in weeks."

He sounded so nervous and unsure it almost made Katniss smile. She looked at Sae pointedly and said, "One night. Tomorrow we find somewhere for that thing to go, okay?"

Sae grinned and nodded. "Okay," she confirmed. Willow gurgled and Katniss turned her nose up in distaste. This was going to be the longest night of her life. Sae put Willow into her basket and walked around the islet to the kitchen door. "Come Peeta, I'll get you some sheets from the linen cupboard to make your bed up on the sofa."

"Don't be ridiculous," Katniss muttered, waving Sae off flippantly. "There's a guest room, he can sleep there. I'm not heartless."

"I can sleep on the sofa if it makes you more comfortable, Katniss," Peeta insisted.

"No, it's okay, seriously," Katniss replied. She and Peeta had been through too much for her to toss him onto her sofa like he was diseased when she had a perfectly good spare room. She took one last look at Willow, resisting the urge to sneer at the child, and pushed away from the islet. "I'm going to bed."

She left them in the kitchen, circled around the islet in which Willow sat on top of, all of them staring after her, wondering if she would ever get better or if this bi-polar stage was permanent. Most of them knew that she probably wouldn't heal completely; everyone had their scars from the war. Mental and physical. All they could hope was that Katniss would become sentient and begin to function and maybe learn that there was still life to be lived. She was only eighteen years old. There was a whole future ahead of her. If only she tried to look.

~xXx~

Primrose ran into the throng of Capitol children, determined to help somehow. Her medic badge bounced on her chest, hanging on by the tiny needle. Katniss knew what was coming and she screamed for her sister to run, get out, save herself but Prim didn't hear her. Katniss screamed until her throat was raw but Prim continued to move deeper into the crowd regardless.

The parachutes erupted into the sky, floating down like leaves on an autumn day. Casual; slow; deadly. As soon as they touched the ground they exploded. Prim screamed in agony as fire consumed her. Yellow and orange flames licked her skin and pulled her down, melting her tiny body into a pile of charred ash and bones on the pavements of the Capitol. Katniss collapsed on the ground, her sister's blood coating her hands and the material of Cinna's Mockingjay costume. She killed her sister. It was all her fault.

She murdered Prim.

Katniss screamed.

Katniss embodied her scream as she woke up, jumping off her bed in shock as she was ripped from her nightmare. She was immediately engulfed by warmth and she grabbed at it desperately, her arms winding around it and squeezing it as tight as she could. It was familiar and safe. For a second it felt like there had been no divide, no war, no death or destruction. That she was on the train; or at home; or in his home; it didn't matter.

"Katniss, it's okay," Peeta whispered gently in the darkness.

Katniss slowly drew herself away from him, wiping the wet from her tears off her face. "I know, I know," she whispered. She glanced at him wearily, able to make out his shape in the dark of her room. Suddenly she felt embarrassed and edged away from him. She felt like a fool for grabbing him so quickly. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, it's fine. Willow has been crying most of the night anyway," Peeta replied.

"Did I wake her?"

"It's weird, actually. She actually stopped crying once you started screaming . . ."

Katniss scoffed. Of course she did. The brat probably did it on purpose to make it more obvious that she was screaming in her sleep. "Where is she now?" Katniss muttered, making only a small effort to hide the distaste from her voice.

"In the next room, sleeping," Peeta said. He ran his hands through his hair sleepily and stood up. "Thankfully, she hasn't needed a diaper change yet. I dread to think what we're going to do when she does."

Katniss turned her nose up at the thought. "Just improvise with a kitchen towel or something," she said. "I'll look for some when we're looking for someone to take her."

"You're going to go into town tomorrow?" Peeta asked, sounding both surprised and a little excited.

"I suppose I'm going to have to," Katniss reluctantly admitted. The thought alone made her want to crawl into her cocoon and never come out again. "I can't find a guardian for Willow sitting at home." If getting rid of the baby as soon as humanly possible meant going outside then Katniss was willing to take that risk. It shouldn't take too long. Everyone liked babies, right? There was bound to be someone who would take her.

It wasn't just that. Katniss needed someone to take her. The longer that Willow was in her house, the more on edge Katniss felt. She had never been good around babies. The only children she had been good with were Gale's siblings and Primrose. If Willow was to become a permanent member of her household just because they couldn't find someone to take her then Katniss was going to get bad again. She knew it deep down. There was a cage at the back of her mind in which she had tricked the darkness into entering but just because it dwelled there didn't mean it couldn't be released again.

Petty things held the key to the cage. The fact that Sae was leaving for 6. The fact that this would destroy Katniss' routine. Willow suddenly appearing on her doorstep. The idea that she might have to stay in Katniss' house for longer than a day. Her nightmares getting worse. Her life feeling like it was teetering on the edge of a very high cliff. The fact that Peeta was here with her; that he'd held her when she'd woken up screaming like he used to but Katniss couldn't find the strength in her to ask him to stay with her.

Willow began to cry again, her voice piercing through the night like a raucous siren. Katniss winced, the sound rattling inside her eardrums unpleasantly, and looked at Peeta desperately. He was already up and making his way back across the room. "I've got it," he said, slipping out the door and going into the next room. Katniss' listened carefully to Peeta's footfalls against the floor and took a small intake of breath when he began to talk to Willow.

"Hey you," he said gently, "you're keeping people awake." It was surprising how thin the Victor Village Houses' walls were but Katniss could swear she heard Peeta stoop down and pick Willow up out of her basket. "Uh-oh."

Despite herself, Katniss immediately called, "What?"

"Yeah, we're going to need a kitchen towel."

Katniss internally cursed and slipped out of bed. "Hold on, I'll get it," she said. She pulled her nightgown on to cover her burned skin and stuffed her feet into the slipper boots Sae bought her that were imported from District 8. She wandered downstairs and grabbed the oldest kitchen cloth she could find. When she returned to the guest room, Peeta already had Willow up and out of her basket. Katniss turned her nose up, "Oh my god, it stinks in here. How can such a small thing make such a rotten smell?"

"Don't ask me," Peeta answered, graciously accepting the cloth off Katniss. "The trick now is trying to figure out how to keep this pinned to her.

Katniss pulled the paper bin closer to the bed where Willow lay so Peeta could throw the old diaper into it for now. She left it outside to rid the room of the smell and subconsciously went to the drawers in search of pins. "There should be some clothes pins here somewhere," she murmured. "My mother sewed a lot when we lived here."

"Was this her room?" asked Peeta.

Katniss nodded. The other room, the one down the hall from here, was off limits. Even Katniss didn't dare enter. The room would be in the exact condition in which her sister left it before Gale took them out of the District. Katniss wasn't yet prepared to see how her sister's life had been at the exact moment her childhood ended. She didn't let Sae empty it, like her mother's room. Primrose's room was untouched and would remain that way for the rest of Katniss' days.

"So what have you been doing with yourself, anyway?" asked Katniss, trying to divert her thoughts away from Prim. Thinking of her sister's room alone made her throat ache and her eyes well up a little. If Peeta saw her cry, he would grow concerned, and she wasn't prepared to talk about it. Not even to him.

"Not a lot, honestly," Peeta admitted. Katniss couldn't look at him. She moved stuff around in the top drawer of the big white chest she was searching, even though there was only a couple of buttons; some socks; underpants; and three marbles inside. "I don't leave my house too often. There isn't really a reason for it. Only to let Haymitch know that I'm getting by."

Katniss scoffed softly. Haymitch must have burst into Peeta's house and made demands as well.

"Well, I suppose I go into town once a week to stock up as well. Lifelong supply of food doesn't seem to bode well with being left in cupboards for months on end while a rebellion goes on," Peeta added.

Katniss remembered when she first returned to her house. Before Sae even began helping her out. All the perishable food in her cupboards had rotted into green mulch and most of the other food stuffs had gone off. Thankfully, when Sae arrived she removed the mulch and went into town to stock the house up. If she hadn't have done, Katniss would probably have starved to death.

"So the District has a place to shop at?" she asked vaguely.

"There are quite a few small business, actually. Not a lot because of the rebuilding, obviously, but we have enough to get by," Peeta answered.

Katniss slammed the top drawer shut, making herself jump at how violently she did so. She opened the second somewhat gentler and rummaged around inside it as well. "Do you feel good? Mentally, I mean?" She didn't realise until she'd asked that it probably sounded like she was being nosey about his hijacking situation when in reality she had wanted to know if he was going through what she was. If he was a bit of a wreck as well and tried to hide it when he discovered that he was going to her house for tea, just like she had when she found out that he was coming.

"Some days are better than others," Peeta honestly told her.

"Do you think you'll ever reach a point where you'll be okay?" Katniss already knew the answer for herself. No. She wouldn't.

"What is 'okay'? That's what I'd like to know. What sort of life constitutes as okay?"

Katniss stared intensely at the contents of the second drawer. Bear keychain; more buttons; a book; some wipes; and a pack of bandages. Of course Peeta would answer with something like that. A question for a question. Except his question made much more sense than hers. What did constitute an 'okay' life?

"Not this," she finally said. She shut the second drawer and opened the third.

There was a pause. Then Peeta said, "No. Not this."

Katniss was relieved to find the clothes pins inside the third drawer. She turned around and froze. Willow looked so tiny on the bed. She lay on her back, looking like a miniature doll. Peeta sat on the bed beside her, stroking her small arm with his knuckles. Katniss felt nauseous. She could easily see Peeta as a father. He would be a brilliant father figure that was for sure. But who would give him children after knowing what he went through? Would there ever be someone willing enough to take the plunge with someone like him? Who has been through so much and is so damaged that whoever decided to be with him would be carrying a lot of weight on their shoulders?

Would anyone do that for her?

"Here's the pins, I've got to go," Katniss said hurriedly. Peeta straightened up, concern immediately etching his features, but Katniss waved him off as she made a break for the door. "There's wipes in the second drawer if you need to use them."

She collapsed onto her bed and crawled back underneath her covers, hiding in the warm dark it provided. Still in her nightgown and slippers, Katniss huddled in a tiny ball and squeezed her eyes shut, imagining that all of this was happening to someone else and she wasn't the Mockingjay, the girl who started and led the rebellion against the Capitol. She was just normal. Normal like everyone else.

What sort of life was this?

No life at all.


	3. Rebuilding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta go into town to see if there is anyone willing to take Willow off their hands.

Chapter Three

Katniss woke up to the sound of crying. She groaned into her pillow and stuck her head underneath, trying to ward away the unwanted sound. When it persisted and didn't make any attempt to stop, she peeked out through a gap in her cocoon and saw that it was bright outside. Huh. She thought if Willow was going to wake her up with crying, it would have been at four in the morning or something. Clamouring out of bed on the assumption that Sae had made breakfast, Katniss detangled her slippers from the covers and stuffed them back on her feet before making her way downstairs.

What she found was not Sae. Not even close to her.

Willow was in her basket on the islet, roaring like the mini beast she was. Peeta had his back turned to Katniss and Willow and was doing something by the kettle. As she got closer, Katniss realized that he was making milk. How in the hell . . . ?

Peeta turned around suddenly and Katniss stepped backwards, feeling like an intruder in her own home. "Oh hey, Katniss," he said. "Sae dropped off some powdered milk for Willow and a couple of bottles she found in her house."

"Oh, I see," Katniss replied. She slipped into the seat the farthest away from Willow and fiddled with her fingers. Peeta had a kitchen towel over his shoulder and shook the bottle filled with milk. Katniss didn't understand how he knew what to do. He was the youngest in his family. It wasn't like he remembered watching his mother care for his brothers or had any experience with younger family members.

"This one has been refusing to sleep since five his morning," Peeta explained.

Katniss shot an icy look at Willow. The baby gurgled obliviously. "I'm sorry. I should be helping in some way," she said.

"Katniss, it's honestly fine. I've got it under control," Peeta smiled. "I know how you feel about kids."

This didn't make Katniss feel any better. Peeta was going through the same situation as her yet she was hiding from an infant. She watched him go to the baby on the counter and move to put the bottle into Willow's mouth. "Wait!" Katniss blurted out. Her shouting made Peeta jolt in surprise and he nearly dropped the bottle onto the floor.

"What?" he asked in surprise.

"Aren't you supposed to test the temperature or . . . something?" The image of Willow screaming because of her mouth being burned made Katniss wince. She reluctantly scooted closer to the basket and took the bottle from Peeta. She held her hand out and squeezed some milk onto it. Her mother used to do this when Prim had been a baby. The milk was hot and Katniss glanced at Peeta worriedly. "I think we should wait a moment. It's hot."

Peeta ran a tired hand over his face and cursed softly to himself. "I almost put that in her mouth," he said.

"Don't beat yourself up, Peeta. You don't know what you're doing, it's okay," Katniss insisted. She set the bottle down and resumed fiddling with her fingers. She wished she had a length of rope like she had in District 13. "We just need to make do until we find a home for her. Which we'll hopefully do today."

Peeta inhaled, eyes briefly closed, before exhaling and opening his eyes again. He went to the oven, where Katniss noticed a saucepan had been set on top of. "I made you breakfast. Sae came here to do it for you but I said I'd take care of it." He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "Well technically its lunch. That's why I went into town and got that for you." He pointed at a tin which sat at the top of the trash can. Katniss stood up and walked around the islet. When she reached the trash, she saw what the label of the tin said. 'Lamb Stew'.

"They still have that?" she asked.

"It's not Capitol imported so it might taste different. It's from District 10," Peeta explained. "I bought it at the market. That's how food is being purchased right now. There's a market set up a mile out from where the Merchant Square used to be."

"What currency is even used?" Katniss asked, staring at the tin intensely.

"It's the same currency. It doesn't cost a lot. Most of it is just priced at 10-15 pence. It's just to earn some money for rebuilding certain areas." Peeta was practically shouting now because Willow was screaming so loudly. He opened the cupboard above the kitchen counter and pulled out a bowl for Katniss. "You don't have to pay-obviously because some people don't have anything-so it's all really for free with the prices added on if you can spare some change. I like to give them something when I purchase food."

It was okay when Sae was doing this for her but it felt weird when it was Peeta. Katniss took the bowl from him and said, "I'll do it, you check on Willow's milk."

Peeta nodded and let her do it. Katniss pulled out a second bowl because, even though she knew Peeta had no intention of having any of it, she wanted him to. When she looked at him over her shoulder she saw him hesitantly repeating what she had done with the milk. He tested it on his hand and stared at it for a moment, gauging the heat for himself. He nodded to himself and gently lifted Willow out of her basket. Again, Katniss was amazed at how small the baby was. She was tiny. Like the simplest touch would make her shatter. Peeta whispered something soft to her and slipped the teat of the bottle into Willow's mouth.

The fond smile that graced Peeta's features as he fed Willow made Katniss' stomach flip over. She turned away, unable to bear the sight, and spooned the stew from the saucepan into the bowls. Why did that thing have to be left on her doorstep? It wasn't fair. Not just to her but to Peeta. Peeta was going to grow attached to Willow. He already was. The sooner they got rid of her, the less of an impact it was going to make on him.

Katniss set Peeta's bowl down by the basket. He looked at her in confusion. "Katniss, I meant for it to be for yo"-

"I know," Katniss interrupted. "And I'm giving some of it to you."

Peeta's eyes shone with something she couldn't decipher. He smiled. "Thank you."

"It's the least I can do. Without you I'd be the one who'd have to do that for Willow and you know how much of a disaster that would be," Katniss smiled. Peeta smiled back at her, swaying carefully from side to side to gently cradle Willow as she fed. Katniss looked at her own bowl of food before adding, "And for checking on me last night. I'm sorry about screaming. I'm used to sleeping alone in this house."

"Don't apologise for things you can't control, Katniss," Peeta told her.

Katniss still didn't feel any better about it. She felt embarrassed that Peeta came to her the previous night because she was screaming in her sleep. It wasn't like the way it used to be between them and she felt ashamed that she had forced him to do that. She stuck her fork into her stew with finality and stared at the counter top.

"I'll try and return the favour," she said. "If it ever happens to you."

"Don't Katniss," Peeta immediately answered. Katniss was taken aback by how firm he was. She blinked in surprise and looked at him with a frown. "My nightmares used to be-and still are-about losing you but when I'm asleep the levels of tracker jacker venom that has fused with my blood goes off the charts. I can't control what I do when I wake up. If you hear me screaming, Katniss, you have to promise me that you'll take Willow and leave the house. Go to Haymitch or my own house. Just leave, okay?"

"But Peeta . . . what if . . . ?"

"Katniss, I'm never going to ask anything off you except for this," Peeta laid Willow down as the bottle emptied and clutched Katniss' arm desperately. Katniss looked at his hand, which was trembling with fear. "You can't let me hurt you again."

That's when Katniss realized. Of course. Peeta still hadn't forgiven himself for what he had done to her. This knowledge made Katniss feel sick. How hadn't she seen this before? After the rebellion she stayed inside. She didn't talk to anyone but Sae and Haymitch. After the planting of the primrose bush she didn't speak to Peeta. What if he viewed that as her making it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him? That she didn't forgive him for trying to kill her twice?

"Peeta, it's okay," Katniss told him. "It wasn't your fault that you . . . You weren't well, the Capitol poisoned you. I know you'd didn't . . . you'd never . . ." She had never been good with words but it was times like this where she wished that she was for Peeta's sake and her own. She wanted to form a connection between them again. Cross the bridge and have that comfort again. She wanted to touch his arm, his shoulder, create some form of physical contact to comfort Peeta. But she couldn't. She was too afraid to.

"Promise me, Katniss," Peeta demanded.

Katniss nodded. "I promise," she whispered.

Peeta also nodded and stepped away from her. When he let go of her arm, it immediately went cold. Katniss stepped back as well and murmured quietly, "Don't apologise for things you can't control."

She said it quietly but from the way he twitched, it was clear that Peeta had heard her.

~xXx~

"Look what I found," Haymitch declared, sounding extremely proud of himself. The three of them stood on Katniss' front lawn, staring at the contraption in which had been dumped in front of them. "It's a baby carrier. They're supposed to be strapped into vehicles but you can carry a child in them too."

Katniss stooped down and examined the carrier. Peeta stood over her with Willow sleeping against his shoulder. "Where the hell did you get one of these?" she frowned.

Haymitch scratched his head sheepishly. "It was mine," he said. "My ma kept it in our attic when she lived with me. Before she was . . ." He trailed off and didn't finish his sentence. Katniss looked at her mentor sombrely and nodded her thanks. She knew he understood that she couldn't look after Willow and that she did want what was best for her. She was grateful that Haymitch was trying to help.

Katniss picked it up and turned to Peeta, who placed Willow inside of it and strapped her in. Peeta immediately took the carrier from Katniss, well aware that she didn't want to hold Willow, and tested the security of it. It wasn't brand new but didn't seem like it was as old as Haymitch. "How are we going to approach this?" Peeta asked Katniss. "I mean, we can't walk around town ringing a bell and shouting 'baby for sale'."

"I don't know," Katniss sighed, rubbing her temples tiredly. "I suppose we could go and talk to some people, see what they think. Ask them if they know anyone who'd be willing to take her." She looked to Haymitch. "Is there an orphanage of any kind? I mean, in 12? Like, for orphaned children or something?"

Haymitch shook his head. "All orphaned children are sent to the Capitol."

Katniss turned to Peeta triumphantly. "Well there we go! We'll send her to the Capitol!" she said.

"Katniss, the train line from 12 to the Capitol won't be up and running for public use for at least a year. They closed it once the refugees from 13 were all relocated. The only time it is being used is to import aid to 12 from the other Districts," Haymitch explained. "Very few of it comes from the Capitol. Only medicine and few supplies that can't be given anywhere else comes from there."

A frown formed on Katniss' face. She glanced at Peeta, who was testing the strength of the carrier's handle. "How did Delly get there then?" she asked him.

"She went with refugees from 13. Last I heard nobody has entered or left the city since then," Peeta answered.

Katniss' heart sank. She turned away and scowled into the distance. Of course there wasn't going to be an easy way like that. She took a deep breath and turned back. "Okay then. Peeta, let's go."

As she and Peeta walked to the Seam, the untouched pavement of the Victor's Village gave away to rock and debris. "They're focusing on the Merchant Square more so than the Seam right now," Peeta explained as they passed through the remains of where Katniss grew up. "If they can get the Square functioning properly then more time can be focused on renovating the Seam and rebuilding people's homes there."

Katniss supposed that made sense. As much as she wanted to have her home back the way it was, putting all attention on the Merchant Square was necessary so that life could continue. The Square was at the heart of the district and it had always been the centre of life. Rebuilding wasn't about sentiment. It was about making correct and sensible decisions so that everything ran as smoothly as possible.

The Merchant Square was buzzing with life. People were hard at work. Hammering; sawing; bricking; some of the jobs Katniss didn't even recognize. As she and Peeta proceeded deeper in, people began to notice them. Some stopped and whispered. Others simply stared. Katniss glanced down at Willow, who still slept in her carrier, and hoped that people didn't think that the baby was theirs. Did they realize that they weren't together anymore? They did know that what they saw on television was an act, right? It occurred to Katniss that there had never been a public, formal announcement declaring that their romance had been a fraud. Was there still people out there who thought it had been genuine?

The first, and only, person to approach them without fear was Thom. Thom had been a friend of Gale's. They worked together in the mines before the bombing. He helped them carry Gale when he had been whipped and helped clear the District after the Peacekeepers left when the arena blew out. "Katniss!" he beamed. "It's wonderful to see you!"

"You too, Thom," Katniss replied, a small smile infecting her face. Thom was a good guy. He used to flirt with her just to irk Gale when they were selling their game. Katniss never thought that going into town would ever make her feel better but even the sight of her old friend helping rebuild caused her spirits to rise.

"How are you?" Thom asked.

"Okay, I guess," Katniss answered. "I suppose things could be better but there's no point complaining now."

Thom chuckled. "You're right about that." He grinned at Peeta and slapped his arm, "Hey man, good to see you again."

"You too, Thom," Peeta replied. "How's the building of the school going?"

"Alright, yeah. There's going to be an issue once citizens are allowed to move back in over who's going to be willing to teach the children but I'm confident Paylor will send someone from the Capitol," Thom explained. His eyes drifted to Willow in the carrier Peeta held by his side. "Is that . . . ?"

"This is Willow," Peeta explained. "She was left on Katniss' doorstep last night. We need to find someone willing to look after her. At least until the train line opens and she can be taken to the Capitol orphanage."

Thom chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Tax's mother might be willing to take her," he said. "When your mother was sick, Katniss, she took care of ill children and sheltered them. She might be willing to care for this little one."

Katniss flushed with relief. "Can you ask him for us?" she asked.

Thom nodded. "He's in District 5 right now, making arrangements to power the businesses we're rebuilding," he explained. "He should be back tomorrow or the next day. It's hard to tell since the roads and train lines or closed he's had to walk. I'll make sure to ask him for you when he gets back."

Katniss' breath caught in her throat. That meant that Willow had to stay with them for another two days. However, if Tax's mother could look after Willow then she wouldn't have to worry about providing for the child for any longer than forty eight hours. She had to be grateful that there was a possibility for someone to take Willow. It was better than nothing.

Peeta thanked Thom. Katniss couldn't tell how he felt about there being someone who might take Willow. He had to be happy. He had only looked after Willow for one night. It was impossible to love someone in one night. Then again, Peeta was a very loving man. If anyone was capable of growing a connection with an infant in such a short period of time, it was him. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing but in this particular situation, it could kill him.

When Thom excused himself to return to his work, Peeta asked Katniss if she wanted to return to the Village. Nobody called it the Victors' Village anymore. After what Finnick told the country about what President Snow did to those who won the Games, it became clear that there were no victors. Katniss turned away from the path leading back into the Seam and gazed out at the people hard at work.

"Can I have a look?" she asked.

Peeta smiled. "Of course you can," he said. "You don't have to ask me." He suddenly looked unsure. "Do you want me to leave you alone for a bit?"

Katniss shook her head. She couldn't do this alone. "No," she said. "Don't leave me."

Peeta didn't have a problem with that. He swapped the hands in which he held Willow's carrier with and walked with Katniss through the square. Different people worked on different projects. A woman Katniss recognized as Rhooba's daughter was leading a project to reconstruct the butchers' place. The clothes merchant had gathered his friends to build the store back up. Friends of Delly Cartwright were fixing the shoemaker's building, which had collapsed onto its side and sank into the ground. The grocer was walking around the site, offering people food for when they took their breaks. It was a well-oiled machine.

"Katniss?"

Katniss turned at the sound of her name and started at the sight of Leevy leaning against a shovel. She didn't know Leevy all that well. She had seen her around at school sometimes but they'd rarely spoken to one another. "Hi Leevy," she said unsurely.

"I thought you'd committed to a life of recluse-hood," Leevy grinned. Her smile softened. "It's good to see you out and about. Some of us were worried about you."

"You didn't have to worry about me," Katniss said, confused as to why anyone would care about her enough to worry.

"Nobody has to. But we do," Leevy answered. Her grey eyes slid to Peeta. "Hey, Peeta. Nice to see you again."

"You too Leevy," said Peeta. Katniss felt like a sore thumb, sticking out where everyone else had integrated. Peeta had met these people. He'd made an effort to go out and talk to them. Katniss? Well, she just moped on her own. She made people worry about her. But then she hadn't thought she was worry worthy. She didn't think that her disappearance would have been a cause for concern for anyone. "So what are you working on today?"

"I'm digging up the remains of the apothecary," Leevy explained. Katniss felt her heart jump into her throat. She didn't know why it prompted such a reaction from her. Her mother worked at the apothecary. That's where she had met her dad. But Katniss had never cared about that before. So why now? "We're going to be needing all the medicine we can get."

"Are people ill?" asked Katniss. She looked around herself, as if the people surrounding her where going to suddenly come out in spots and start hacking up blood.

"People are staying in other districts. When they return they might bring new sicknesses with them," Leevy explained to them. "The sooner we get the apothecary sorted, the sooner President Paylor can start sending more sustainable medical supplies."

It sounded weird hearing someone actually use the title 'President' when referring to Paylor. She knew this was because she had gotten to know her better during the rebellion but hearing people talk about her so formally and reverently was odd. 

"Lemonade, anyone?" Thom joined them with a tray of lemonade. For an odd reason Katniss couldn't explain, an image popped into her head of a drink she had been given while having her make-up done for an interview in the Capitol. It was similar to lemonade but it had seemed to be more about the dressing of the glass than the actual taste of the drink. It had frills; a lime wedge that was dyed pink; multiple umbrellas of many colours; and a pineapple wedged around the bottom of the glass. Thom's lemonade was in small paper cups. The simplicity made Katniss feel at ease.

Leevy immediately snatched one of the cups up and drank it gratefully. "This work is exhausting," she complained. "I mean, look at me! I'm sweating like a pig!" Katniss had noticed that it was an awfully warm day and felt bad for those who had to work under the brutal gaze of the sun. Many of those who worked were dressed for the weather whereas she was wearing a jumper with a thick black jacket over it. The only skin she had on show was on her hands and face.

"Would you guys like some?" Thom asked.

"Oh no. You should give it to the other workers," Peeta said. Thom looked to Katniss and she shook her head but smiled her thanks.

"Oh, by the way Peeta, I was just talking to one of President Paylor's grunts about letting you help with the rebuilding-like you asked-but the bastard wasn't playing ball." Thom looked remorseful, like he felt he should have pushed the point harder. "I'm sorry, man."

Peeta shook his head, still smiling. "It's fine, really. I just wanted to try and help out somehow. Seems like somebody higher up doesn't want me to," he sighed.

Katniss couldn't understand why they wouldn't let Peeta help. Sure, he was still technically hijacked or whatever but he was perfectly capable of working. It wasn't like he was going grab Leevy's shovel and beat her death with it spontaneously. He wasn't that bad. Then again, Katniss hadn't seen Peeta have an attack since they'd returned to 12. Maybe it was that bad . . .

"Would I be allowed to help?" Katniss asked. She was surprised with herself for wanting to know such a thing. Her eyes were focused on the steel tip of Leevy's shovel which was buried in the rubble of what used to be the apothecary.

Thom blinked, clearly surprised as well. Peeta also looked taken aback. Leevy's eyes bounced between the three of them, unsure where to focus. "I don't see why not," Thom said. "Do you have anything that you feel might cause an issue towards your work ethic?"

Katniss shook her head. She hadn't left the rebellion with an illness like Peeta had. Her PTSD had only worsened and she suffered from night terrors every other night. That wouldn't affect her work or put anyone around her in danger. She looked to Leevy. "Can I help you?"

Leevy looked relieved. "Yes!" she immediately said. "I'm dying for a hand!"

For some reason, Katniss felt responsible for the apothecary. It had been her grandparents' business before they had to sell it when her Mum married her Dad. Katniss didn't know where the current owners were or whether they even survived the bombing or not but she felt a tug in her stomach that told her that this was the right thing to do. Maybe if she buried herself into work, things wouldn't hurt as much.

Katniss felt bad for Peeta who, even though he looked pleased that she was making an effort to participate, was clearly bothered by the fact that they wouldn't let him help as well. Maybe he could come with her every day and help . . . Make Leevy promise not to let the grunts know. Thom wouldn't squeal either . . .

Leevy suddenly gasped. "Oh my god!"

"What?" Katniss exclaimed, heart jumping into her throat.

"You have a baby!" she gasped, pointing at Willow. She threw herself to her knees in front of Peeta (an odd thing to witness, really) and stared at Willow in awe. "Rumour has it that you two got back together as the end of the rebellion neared but I didn't think it was true!"

Katniss' eyes widened and she and Peeta exchanged an alarmed look. "We're not together," she said quickly. "The baby isn't ours."

"It was left on Katniss' doorstep," Peeta explained, laughing nervously.

Leevy looked somewhat disappointed to hear this. She slumped a little. "I see," she concluded. "Are you raising it then?"

"No," Katniss answered. "Thom is going to ask Tax if his mother could take her."

Leevy nodded. "I suppose it's for the best," she sighed. "This environment isn't really the best for raising children. Not right now anyway." She stood up again and dusted the dirt off of her clothes. "I wonder who the parents are."

"Whoever they are, they must be mad," Katniss muttered. "Leaving her on my doorstep."

"Or," Leevy contradicted, "maybe they trusted Peeta and yourself to find a good home. You're both most certainly the best people I know. Maybe the parents just knew that you are good people who wouldn't leave their child out in the cold."

Katniss almost said that she almost did leave Willow out in the cold. If it hadn't been for Peeta stopping her, Willow would have died overnight. Realistically, the parents should have left Willow on Peeta's doorstep. If they wanted someone caring and loving for their child anyways. But then again, maybe the parents had had no idea who they were dumping their baby on and it had just turned out to be Katniss' house by coincidence.

Katniss despised coincidence.

The word 'memorial' tore Katniss from her thoughts.

"What?" she asked, interrupting the conversation she had tuned out of.

Thom sipped at his cup of lemonade, balancing the tray with his spare hand, and said, "We're planning a memorial for everyone from 12 who died during the Games and the rebellion. There's plans already in place for it to be positioned where Thread's methods of torture used to stand. In the middle right there." He pointed to the middle of the square, slap bang in the centre of everything. Katniss looked over her shoulder to the exact spot, which was currently just rocks and rubble.

Leevy put her empty cup onto Thom's tray and stepped closer to Katniss. She placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and explained, "We want to put Primrose at the top. Without her, none of this would be possible. We would never do it without your blessing though."

Katniss' words stuck in her mouth like tar. She tried to speak but anything she could or wanted to say caught in her throat. It was a lovely idea to have a memorial for the fallen but the simple question of whether they put her sister's name on it frightened Katniss. It should have been an easily answered question but letting them do it would be like acknowledging that Prim was really gone. Something Katniss wasn't prepared to do yet. If ever.

"Katniss," Peeta said, his voice soft. The simple utterance of her name spoke so many volumes in Peeta's gentle, caring tone. There was the clear, underlying message of, 'Are you alright?' It was like he had a sixth sense that told him when she was upset. It was both infuriating and comforting to Katniss to know that he could do this.

Katniss felt numb. She shut down completely and started to walk away. Like a robot, she moved on autopilot back in the direction in which they had come from. She heard Peeta apologise to Leevy and Thom but it was like she was underwater and they were on the surface. Their voices were muffled and undecipherable. Even when Peeta caught up with her it felt like there was a divide between them. He didn't try to force her into conversation or coax her into speaking. He simply walked alongside her, keeping pace with her, and made sure she got home safely.

As soon as she got home, Katniss went straight to bed.


	4. We're Only Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Katniss has a nightmare, Peeta shares some knowledge he gathered when he had been working with the career during the first Games in an attempt to help her sleep better.

Chapter Four

Clove twirled her knife around in front of Katniss' eyes, her own green orbs gleaming with intimidation. "Let's see if the world will love you with an ugly face!" she hissed angrily. She spat in Katniss' face, her saliva burning into Katniss' skin like acid. When she tried to scream, Clove slapped her hand over her mouth. "No point in screaming, fire bitch! Nobody's going to hear you! Certainly not lover boy!" Clove burst out laughing, the sound like nails scraping down a blackboard. The career grinned wolfishly, swung her arm up in a perfect arch before slamming her knife down into Katniss' cheek. Pain exploded across Katniss' face and blood splattered Clove, the red standing out on her pale face. Clove drove her knife in deeper and, with a maniacal giggle that gave away her lack of sanity, she began to twist-

Katniss awoke with her arms flailing around herself as if to knock her assailant over. She was covered in a thick layer of cold sweat and her bed covers were tangled around her legs so tight that it almost felt knotted. Katniss felt a hand against her head and she jumped, looking up at the perpetrator with a shocked yelp. She knocked the hand away, momentarily believing it was Clove and she was back in the Games, but as the nightmare melted away and it became clear she had only been dreaming, Katniss saw who it really was.

"I'm sorry," Peeta immediately said. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Katniss stared at him wildly. Her chest heaved as she fought to catch her breath and it took her several minutes to come down from what she had just experienced. She couldn't even find words until at least five minutes after Peeta had spoken. The lamp by her bedside had been switched on and he stood against the wall, probably after she had hit his hand away to give her space. As she slowly calmed down, ringing grew in her ears. No, not ringing . . . crying.

Then she saw that Peeta was holding Willow.

"What's wrong with her?" Was the first thing Katniss said.

A little surprised, since he didn't expect that to be the first thing she'd say to him after having such a violent nightmare, Peeta answered, "She's just unsettled. All the sleeping earlier has caused her to not want to sleep tonight." He stepped closer to Katniss' bed, making no move to touch her again. "Are you alright?"

Katniss shrugged. She looked away. That was two nights in a row she had caused him to come into her room to make sure she was okay. How stupid she must seem to him.

"I heard you saying Clove's name," Peeta said gently.

Hearing the career's name out loud made Katniss' face screw up as she fought away memories of the girl pining her down and threatening to cut her face off just so that Cato got comfort in knowing that she died painfully and horribly.

"I never told you about the careers, did I?" Peeta asked.

Katniss stared at him. What did he mean? What was there to tell? She drew her knees up to her chest and gestured with her head for him to sit, curious to what he was going to tell her. When Peeta sat down, he laid Willow on her back on the bed. She made a displeased sound, obviously unhappy with not being held all the time, but thankfully stopped crying.

"I spent days with the careers. Hunting, gathering, taking watch. You know, all the general stuff you do in the Games. In that time I got to know much more about them than I thought they would. I thought I'd go to bed every night with my spear clutched in my hands, worried that Cato was going to drive his sword into my back as I slept," Peeta explained.

"Why didn't you just leave then?" Katniss asked.

"Well, first of all I had to keep them away from you. Since you had this weird infatuation with unwittingly becoming career enemy number one in everything you did." Peeta smiled. "They really are just like us. The careers I mean."

"How can you say that?" Katniss spat. "They trained for the Hunger Games! It was sport to them!"

"Some of them, yeah," Peeta admitted. "But did you know that Glimmer graduated college when she was fifteen? If she won the Games she was planning on getting a PHD. She wanted to be a doctor. Except I doubt that would ever have happened."

Katniss remembered how pretty Glimmer had been. If what Peeta just said was true then she hid her smarts for the sake of getting sponsors. Using the assets the Capitol would get excited about: her looks. The bird brain citizens wouldn't have cared that Glimmer was a genius or that she wanted to become a doctor. As soon as she won the Games, her fate would most likely have been the same as Finnick's had been.

"I'll admit, the girl from District 4 had been a little power crazed. Out of the five of them I think she was the most reflective of a stereotypical career," Peeta admitted. "Marvel had a theory that her parents were previous winners or at least someone from her background had won and that's why she was so dead set on winning."

"Weren't all of them 'dead set on winning'?" Katniss scowled.

Willow made another displeased sound and Peeta gently shushed her, stroking her cheek lovingly. When she settled again, he answered Katniss. "Weren't we all?" he asked.

That had Katniss stuck. She had never dreamed of feeling sympathy for the careers but when Peeta put it like that it made her rethink everything. "What about Clove then? Was she a secret agent or a scientist or something?" she snapped acidly.

Peeta shook his head and laughed. "No, not a secret agent. Or a scientist . . . Clove was trying to get Cato home," he explained.

Katniss frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The reason Cato wanted to get home so desperately was because he had a little sister," Peeta said. "He told me she was only five but she had MS. He wanted to get the money that came with winning to pay for her treatment."

"Why would Cato tell you all this?" Katniss demanded incredulously.

Peeta scratched his head thoughtfully. "I don't think he really knew himself. He said I had 'one of those faces'."

Katniss scoffed. She knew what Cato meant on that front. She grew to be more comfortable with Peeta in their first Games than she ever imagined to be. He just had a look of kindness about him that assured her that he wasn't going to abuse her trust in him.

"Remember what Haymitch told us," Peeta said gently, nudging Katniss' arm playfully. "Remember who the real enemy is. In this case was. That didn't just apply to the victors in the Quell. Of course, I'm not condoning the behaviour of the careers, their ability to kill without so much as a flinch still unnerves me to this day. They weren't cold blooded, though, they had their reasons, just like us." He rubbed his eyelid tiredly with his pointer finger. "It won't stop the nightmares-entertaining an idea like that is kind of pointless-but maybe knowing that Finnick wasn't the only career with a hard past may help you sleep better when you wake up."

Katniss had never considered the idea that any of the tributes outside the Quell were also good people. She had just always believed that it was just those she had formed the alliance with. Those who had chosen to rebel against the Capitol . . . There hadn't been time to think otherwise. She had had a glimpse of it when she had first killed Marvel but had swiftly dismissed it so that she could continue fighting. Now there was no battle to fight in and Katniss had no choice but to consider things like that.

Willow's face twisted and seconds later this ugly tiny squeal erupted from her body. Katniss got off the bed nervously with her blanket and backed away, allowing Peeta to do what he usually did when Willow cried. "She's just winded, you know," Peeta said, smiling at how anxious Katniss was.

"I don't care if she's winded, can you just get her to stop . . . the crying . . . please?" asked Katniss.

Peeta chuckled. He rotated himself further over the side of the bed and propped his foot up on the base. The way he lifted Willow up fascinated Katniss. It was like Willow was made of glass and Peeta treated her as such. Katniss could easily see herself trying to do the same thing and breaking the poor thing into tiny pieces. She'd drop her or hold her too hard or accidentally knock that soft spot on top of her head that made her self-destruct. If it hadn't been for Peeta, Willow would have been doomed.

"It's just wind from her feed, see?" Peeta propped Willow up on his knee and alternated between patting and rubbing her back. Willow seemed to enjoy it, her small eyes fluttering in contentment.

"How do you know how to do all this?" Katniss asked wearily. "Taking care of babies, I mean?"

Peeta actually turned pink at the question. Katniss wondered if there was something particularly embarrassing about what she was asking. "I know it's nothing like looking after real babies but, um, Delly and I used to play families when we were kids. Her mother saved up for years before she got pregnant just buy her a baby doll and for a time it was the only thing Delly would play with."

Katniss couldn't imagine it. A doll? How long had Delly's mum actually been saving for? The only doll Katniss had ever seen was this pristine porcelain thing Madge's father had bought her from the Capitol. It was clearly from the Capitol because it had green hair and purple lips. The dress had been yellow silk and, in Katniss' opinion, looked awful.

"It wasn't like the sort you could buy at the Capitol, of course," Peeta continued. "It was plastic and didn't have any clothes, only a diaper, but Delly loved it. Obviously experience with the doll isn't the same as experience with the real thing but Delly took her duties very seriously and everything had to be done correctly so I've been able to try and use some of it."

An image cropped into Katniss' head of two tiny blonde children playing with this one plastic doll outside the bakery. It made a smile threaten to crop up on her face. She could easily imagine Peeta humouring Delly and playing along, maybe regretting it a little when she turned maternal and demanded that everything be done correctly.

"It made me think about children a lot," Peeta explained. "About whether I'd be willing to bring a child into the world with the Games in existence. Whether the risk would be worth it or not."

Katniss remembered the similar conversations she'd had numerous times with Gale. Back then she had been expected to be with him in the end. For them to marry and have a family-something she had never wanted-just because they spent so much time together. Now that Katniss thought about it harder, it was a stupid reason to get married. She didn't spend a lot of time with a lot of people-especially back then-but just because she did spend time with this one particular person it didn't mean they should get married. But then again, times were different. Now Katniss could have anyone she wanted, if she cared enough to try.

Her eyes drifted from where they had been locked on Willow's face to Peeta's. It made Katniss feel almost uneasy how obvious it was that Peeta had already fallen for Willow. The fact that he had fallen for her made Katniss feel strange. How could he give his heart up so easily? Hadn't he learned that doing such a thing would just result in it getting broken? How Peeta had looked that day on the train tracks when she told him that she didn't know how she felt about him was still engraved in Katniss' mind. She didn't know if she could bear being around if it happens to him again when they have to give Willow away.

"It's late," said Katniss. "You were there when I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday as well. Aren't you tired?"

Peeta shrugged. "Not really," he said. "I don't sleep that often anymore anyway. Haven't done since we've been back."

"Is it the nightmares?" asked Katniss.

"It's what the nightmares do to me," Peeta clarified.

Katniss wanted to say she could understand. In a way, she did. But never in the same terms as Peeta. When she woke up from a nightmare, she'd scream and shake and maybe fall out of bed. When Peeta apparently woke up from a nightmare, he would take a hijacking attack. Katniss didn't know what that meant for him when he was on his own. All she knew was that she made a promise to make sure Willow got out safely if it ever happened in her house.

"I don't like running the risk of having an attack," Peeta explained. His eyes were on the ground, his eyebrows drew together sceptically. "I don't want to hurt people anymore."

"You won't," said Katniss. "Nobody blames you for what Snow did. Accusing you for what you did when you were hijacked is like accusing a driver for hitting a dog in the dark. You couldn't control your actions. Hijacked you isn't you. It's like . . ." Katniss frowned . . . "You have an entire different personality."

Peeta looked like he wanted to believe her but he couldn't bring himself to. It bothered Katniss because she didn't want him to spend his life believing he was a bad person. Peeta was not a bad person. Katniss was worse than him. She voted for the Capitol Game, even if she had believed there was a chance she could foil Coin. What if she had chickened out? Then it would have gone ahead. That showed how vindictive and spiteful she truly was. She was no better than Snow. Even after overcoming a hijacking, however, Peeta voted against it. What did that show? Katniss hadn't ever been tortured yet she made the wrong decision. It didn't matter. Katniss always knew that she wasn't a good person. The idea of Peeta, however, thinking the same thing about himself made her stomach churn.

Peeta carefully brought Willow up to lie on his chest once she got her wind up. He watched Katniss carefully before gently asking, "Do you want to hold her?"

Katniss, for a millisecond, was tempted. She even reached out, her fingers just skimming the little pink t-shirt Willow had been wearing when she was left at her door, before she came to her senses. She pulled back and shook her head. "No. I can't."

Peeta didn't push her. He nodded and held Willow tighter, to regain a better balance of her body against his own. "You don't have to worry," he said. "She'll be gone soon. Tax's mother will hopefully take her."

"Will you be okay if she does?" asked Katniss.

"Of course," Peeta laughed. "It's for the best. This isn't a good environment for her. Not when she's at such a tender age. Sure, it'd be nice to have her longer but it's not my place to keep her. She's not mine. She's not ours. Keeping her just isn't the right thing to do."

Katniss wondered what getting rid of Willow would mean for them. Her and Peeta, to be exact. Would they drift apart again? Would no longer having a child keeping them together cause them to go separate ways and never speak again? Live in their houses, with only Haymitch between them, and never once visit? Katniss didn't want it to be like that. She didn't know what she wanted, especially not where it regarded Peeta, but what she did know was that she didn't like the idea of never seeing him again.

"Do you think I was irrational today?" Katniss spontaneously asked. "When Leevy and Thom spoke about the memorial?"

Peeta shook his head. "Of course not," he said. "Katniss, you've been through a lot. Much more than the rest of us. You took the brunt of the rebellion and you lost your sister in the process. That's not something anyone expects you to get over quickly."

"But you lost your entire family," Katniss insisted. "You were tortured by Snow! Yet you don't walk away at the mention of a memorial."

"Sure, I was tortured," Peeta agreed, "but I never had the responsibility of making sure the right side of the rebellion won. That's a tough burden to bear, Katniss . . . You have the right to take as much time as you need to heal and grieve. Besides, Leevy and Thom certainly won't take it to heart. Everyone in 12 is grateful for you freeing them."

Free. It was still an absurd concept to Katniss. She'd spent seventeen years of her life shackled to Snow's corruption and deceit. Now she was free she was struggling to cope. What did this mean for her future? Where was she supposed to go from here? How was she expected to enjoy freedom without Prim?

"As long as you don't spit in their eye and treat them like dirt, Leevy and Thom and everyone else are more than willing to let you work things out on your own without judgement." Peeta smiled. "As long as you don't turn into a Prima Donna about being the Mockingjay who freed the country."

Katniss snorted. Her? A Prima Donna? Like that would ever happen. It wasn't even entirely down to her. She would never have been able to do it if it hadn't been for those around her and the constant support they provided. Especially Peeta. Even if he didn't know it, he unwittingly motivated her even when he was at the peak of his hijacked rage. Seeing how much he'd been changed by Snow made her more determined to fight.

"I can't really see that happening," said Katniss, also smiling.

"Neither can I, honestly," Peeta admitted. "You've never been full of yourself. That was one of the things that drew me to you when we were kids."

Katniss clutched the blanket in her hand tighter, holding it closer to her body. She looked at the ground as the thought of Peeta's previous love for her made guilt rush back to her. She also felt a small yearning that she didn't understand. Ever since Peeta stopped loving her when Snow hijacked him, Katniss had felt this longing. A sort of need for Peeta to love her again. Now that it wasn't there she always felt sort of empty.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," said Peeta. He stood up with Willow in his arms and went for the door. Katniss opened her mouth, wanting to tell him to stay, but the words didn't come out. Just more emptiness. "I'll see you tomorrow Katniss."

Then he was gone. And Katniss was alone again.


	5. Conscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss learns that a smile can mask a thousand sorrows, and even those who try to pretend to fine are broken inside.

Chapter Five

"Katniss!"

The sound of Peeta's voice made Katniss' heart lurch. She immediately panicked. Was something wrong? Was he having an attack? Was he hurting Willow and unable to stop himself? She threw her bed covers back and jumped out of bed, out the door like a shot. The journey from the bed to the next room was a blur of movement before she threw the door open and ran in.

Peeta wasn't in distress. He was sitting at the end of the bed with Willow cradled against his chest. Katniss deflated. Now that she thought about it, the way he called her name wasn't particularly anxious or afraid. She'd just conjured it up in her head. Katniss felt like an idiot. She folded her arms and quickly rebuilt herself before Peeta noticed that there was something wrong with her.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"I know you don't like it but could you look after Willow for ten minutes while I return home and have a shower?" Peeta asked. "I will be as fast as I can. You don't even have to hold her, she can lie on her back on the bed. You'd just have to keep an eye on her"-

"Why at your house?" Katniss randomly asked.

Peeta frowned. "Why at my house?" he repeated in confusion.

"Why go home to shower?"

"Well, I just thought"-

"Wouldn't showering here be faster?" The idea of having Peeta shower in her house unseated her but the idea of him doing it at her house was more convenient and easier. Especially since it would lessen the time she'd have to spend with Willow. Katniss wasn't keen on being alone with Willow but she wasn't going to tell Peeta no. Just because she still didn't have the strength to shower regularly it didn't mean that Peeta didn't.

"I didn't think you'd be . . . I just thought . . ."

Katniss knew what Peeta thought. He was trying to be respectful. He didn't want to overstep any boundaries. "The towels are in the linen closet at the end of the hall."

"Are you sure?" Peeta asked.

Katniss nodded. "I should be fine." She wanted to tell him to please be as fast as he could be but she didn't want to rush him. She wanted him to feel comfortable in her house again.

"She just had her diaper changed so she should be pretty settled," Peeta explained as he laid Willow down on her back on the bed. "She isn't due to be fed yet or anything but if she starts crying just come get me and I'll sort it out."

Katniss watched Peeta walk down the hall, half way in half way out of the room in which Willow was in. She hoped Peeta wouldn't feel compelled to ask to use her facilities anymore. Even if he wasn't going to be there for very long, Katniss really wanted him to be comfortable in her house again. It was an odd thing to really want but it didn't feel right having Peeta in her house and him being uncomfortable. They used to be so content and relaxed around each other. It shouldn't be this way.

Willow gurgled and giggled. Katniss reluctantly went into the room and stood over the bed. She watched Willow wearily as she tried to eat her own foot. Katniss couldn't tell how old Willow was. She didn't even know when her birthday was. She supposed they were just going to have to guess and give her a birthday. Maybe the day she was left on her doorstep?

Katniss noticed tufts of blonde hair on top of Willow's head. It made her stomach churn as she remembered when Primrose had been that size. Katniss hadn't been that old herself but she had memories of when her sister was a baby. Small, vague recollections such as her mother hovering over her and allowing her to hold Prim but only for a minute just in case she dropped her. There was one memory Katniss had-one of the most vivid memories from her childhood-of seeing her dad standing in the kitchen doorway, holding Prim against his chest. He was singing to her, trying to cradle her to sleep while her mother worked with a patient.

Immediately, Katniss felt sick. The explosion that took Primrose from her ripped through her ears and she backed up. Willow continued to giggle, unaware of what was happening around her. She didn't know the effect she had on Katniss. How she prompted memories of Prim and how much it scared Katniss. Suddenly, Katniss couldn't handle being in the same room as Willow. Crippling sadness crashed upon her as images of Prim flashed before her eyes and she panicked. She turned and ran from the room.

"Peeta!" she yelled, "I'm sorry I can't!" She didn't think, she just ran for the bathroom where she knew Peeta was. She felt safer with Peeta. She was protected from the memory of Prim when she was with him. She burst into the bathroom, blinded by hysteria, before grinding to a halt.

Peeta was already out of the shower and half-dressed again. Katniss stared in wide eyed horror. Why didn't she knock again? Concern was etched all over Peeta's face. "What is it? What's wrong?" He stepped towards Katniss in worry and she stepped back. For once, it wasn't because he was half naked. It was something else. Never had Katniss close up witnessed the physical abuse Peeta had gone through when he had been in the Capitol's clutches. She had witnessed the mental abuse first hand. She had experienced some of his worst hijacking attacks. For some reason, she had just always dismissed the idea that any of Snow's abuse had remained post rebellion. Maybe she had just assumed that they'd healed him in 13, even though they didn't have body polish or the easy fix-it medicine that the Capitol had. It had never crossed her mind that a lot of it would have remained in the form of permanent scars and discolouration. 

This was what scared her even more than the panic attack she had just experienced. When she had first burst in, his back had been to her and she caught a glimpse of this huge scar that stretched right up the line of his spine before he turned around. There were many scars littered across his chest and abdomen. All evidence of being beaten seemed to remain below the collar, so that when Snow put him in front of a camera it wasn't obvious that he had been attacked.

"Katniss, what is it?" Peeta asked again. "Where's Willow?"

Katniss couldn't bring herself to answer. She turned and ran out of the bathroom, fleeing down the stairs. Seeing it there, so real before her eyes, was a bit much for Katniss to handle. She heard footsteps coming after her but it stopped as soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She looked up and saw that Peeta hadn't immediately come after her. She moved into the living room and stared at the floor, calming her rapidly beating heart.

Seconds later, Peeta's footsteps were heard again. He came rushing down the stairs with Willow against his chest. Katniss had scared him so much that he hadn't had a chance to put his shirt back on. All he knew was that he had to go to find Willow to make sure she was okay first before finding Katniss. "Katniss! What is it, what's wrong?"

Katniss squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "Prim," she whispered brokenly.

Holding Willow against him with one hand, Peeta touched Katniss' shoulder gently. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you with her. I should have known."

Katniss turned her head to look at him, to say it wasn't his fault. Against her will, she noticed four scars sliced across his bicep, in the shape of knife wounds. She stumbled back and tripped over the coffee table, landing on her back by the chair. She couldn't handle it. Whenever she thought about the marks on Peeta's body, she thought about the hell he went through receiving them. All in the name of making him a weapon against her.

"Katniss, oh my god, are you okay?" Peeta moved the coffee table out of the way with his free hand and crouched down in front of her. Still managing to keep a firm hold of a squirming Willow, he tried to touch her again. Katniss shook her head at him and his hand instantly froze. "Katniss," he said carefully, "did something happen upstairs with Willow?"

"Don't leave me alone with her anymore," Katniss replied. Her voice shook with what was probably fear but Katniss convinced herself was nerves.

"I won't, I promise," Peeta answered.

His eyes were still slightly widened from the shock of the past few minutes. The way she had reacted, bursting into the bathroom and then turning and bolting, Peeta probably thought she had smothered Willow with a pillow or something horrific like that. She buried her face into her knees, unable to look at either Peeta or Willow. "Please leave me alone."

"Katniss"-

"Just go!"

Peeta didn't say anything else. He stood up and left. Katniss only knew this because she heard his footsteps retreating and then the front door shutting. Guilt flushed through her immediately. Why did she shout at him like that? Katniss let her legs fall away and when she looked around, Peeta was nowhere to be seen. She stood up, realising with horror that maybe he wasn't going to come back. Maybe he was taking Willow back to his place to look after her there. The sheer idea of not having him around so suddenly and so soon panicked Katniss.

She ran to the door and threw it open, expecting to find nobody outside as usual except Haymitch on his porch. It was immensely warm outside and the sun practically blinded her when she ran outside. She threw her hand above her eyes to block out the shine and hurried down the steps. She was so caught up in her panic that she nearly tripped right over Peeta. He had been sitting in her front garden.

"Peeta!" Katniss exclaimed, skidding on the grass to stop herself from falling over him.

"Katniss? I thought you wanted to be alone," said Peeta. He stood up, leaving Willow to play in the grass.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted at you," Katniss said quickly. "It's not your fault. Don't leave, please. Not yet."

"Leave? I wasn't going to leave," Peeta frowned. "I just thought you wanted to be alone so I took Willow outside for some fresh air . . ." He scratched the back of his head thoughtfully and Katniss nearly passed out as it unintentionally exposed more scars on the opposite side of his arm. She had no idea that he had been hurt so badly. Of course, this had been a ridiculous thing for her to believe, because Beetee had explained to her that in order to hijack Peeta, he had to go through an immense amount of torture first. "I should be the one saying sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone with Willow."

"It's not that," said Katniss. "Well, it was that but I just . . . I just wasn't prepared for . . . I shouldn't have ran into the bathroom the way I did. I wasn't mentally prepared for it."

Peeta actually smiled at this. "Still pure?" he laughed.

"No," Katniss huffed. She smiled but it faded quickly. She didn't want to make Peeta self-conscious of the wounds Snow had inflicted on him.

It didn't take much for Peeta to realise what she meant. Maybe it was the way her eyes shone or how her chest heaved or how she couldn't bear to let her gaze linger where-ever there was a Capitol inflicted wound. His face fell and he looked down at himself as if suddenly looking at his appearance in a new light. "Oh," he simply said.

Katniss wanted to believe that it was a good thing that he was confident enough with himself to stand outside shirtless where anyone could see him but a part of her knew that it hadn't been Peeta's decision to leave the house. She'd screamed at him to get out and he did as he was told, not wishing to upset her any further. When she gazed over Peeta's shoulder to Haymitch's house, she could see their old mentor sitting in his usual spot, watching them. His expression was sober as he too saw for the first time the brutality of the Capitol. When their eyes met, Haymitch looked away, deciding to give them the privacy they needed.

"I'm sorry," Peeta said.

Katniss gaped at him. "What for?" she asked back.

"I shouldn't have . . . I didn't think . . ." For the first time since they'd started looking after Willow, Peeta was the one who ran. He turned and darted across Haymitch's lawn to get to his own house. As he passed, he said, "Haymitch, keep an eye on Willow!" His voice was quick and slightly panicked.

"Peeta!" Katniss tried to run after him but was intercepted by Haymitch who'd ran down his porch steps as soon as Peeta had taken off.

"Don't, sweetheart," he said quickly. "The boy knows what he's doing."

"I don't understand," Katniss said. She ripped her arm out of Haymitch's hold. "I thought 13 healed him."

"13 did what they could for him," Haymitch answered. "But they aren't miracle workers." He crossed the lawn to reach Willow, who obliviously rolled around in the grass. "I'd never saw it myself but Plutarch had told me that there was nothing that could be done for the physical injuries Peeta and Johanna had both obtained. Mainly Peeta, because Johanna had been punished mainly with the shock therapy."

Katniss shuddered at the memory of how water terrified Johanna because of what Snow did to her. The crippling fear it left behind still sat heavily on top of her friend, who now didn't shower or go near water in any shape or form. It even took a lot for Johanna to drink it because she was frightened of spilling it over herself.

"Why did he run?" Katniss thought that she was the wreck. The one who ran when faced with things she didn't want to talk about or confront. It seemed that Peeta may not have made it as obvious as she had but he was not healed either. They were both just as broken as each other.

"Probably because he felt foolish for thinking you'd be able to handle seeing him . . . like that," Haymitch admitted. He plopped tiredly onto the grass beside Willow and picked a daisy out of the ground.

"But I ran into the bathroom when he was just out of the shower. It wasn't like he was running around my house naked," Katniss protested, her face burning at the very thought.

"I thought you would have realised by now that that boy will always blame himself before he even thinks about blaming you," Haymitch answered. "If you shot him with a gun he'd blame himself for getting in the way." He quirked an eyebrow. "Why did you run into the bathroom when he was showering?"

Katniss flushed and folded her arms defiantly. "It's not what you think, you dirty old man," she threw at him.

Haymitch laughed. "I knew that," he said. "If it had been, Peeta wouldn't be running from you."

Katniss scowled. She rolled her eyes, which landed miserably on Willow. "Why did I think that Snow didn't hurt him that bad?" she asked, almost as if she were expecting an answer from the infant instead of Haymitch. "Surely I should have expected the worst."

"Denial is a powerful thing," said Haymitch. A pause. "I had always known it was bad. Just seeing it for the first time-especially since I was so unprepared for it-was extremely jarring." He scratched his eyebrow and sighed. "Also, keep in mind you and him weren't close when he lost his leg, either. I wasn't close to either of you just yet. So you and I don't know whether he had been insecure about it until he'd grown to be used to it."

"Peeta isn't an insecure person," Katniss disagreed.

"We don't know that for sure. Especially since we've all be through so much."

Katniss couldn't imagine that. No matter what they had went through, Peeta had always been the stronger one out of them both. He would have happily sat by that river in the first Games without using Rue's backpack for cover. That had been nearly three years ago though. So much had happened between then and now. Even she couldn't say that she was the same girl who entered the 74th Games. For one thing, she had entered and spent most of the Games believing that Peeta was a threat. Now she depended on him so much it frightened her.

Haymitch could see how confused Katniss was and tried to help her understand. "For example," he said, snapping Katniss out of her thoughts, "how many times have you seen the boy take his leg off? How many times have you seen what it looks like without it?"

Katniss shook her head. "No, you don't take it off," she denied. "Peeta told me during the Victory Tour. He said that it's not good for the amputated area or something."

"You are very gullible," Haymitch laughed.

"Are you just going to laugh at me or are you going to actually help me?!" Katniss snapped.

Haymitch rolled his eyes. Willow had crawled near him and was eyeing the daisy in his hands. "I don't expect you to know this sweetheart but a prosthetic leg should actually be taken off at least at night," he said. "That's actually why I asked. I thought that you would have seen it at least then; since you guys spent so many nights together."

Katniss frowned. She sank to her knees in front of Haymitch and picked uncomfortably at the grass. That couldn't be true. Peeta wouldn't have lied to her just to keep his leg on when she was around. Surely he knew that she wouldn't care about him taking it off to sleep. "But why wouldn't he . . . ? I thought we trusted one another to . . ."

"Katniss, now don't get all worked up about it," Haymitch said sternly. "The boy has every right to be self-conscious. Aren't you the same way? Don't you wear those woolly sweaters to hide the burns?"

"That's different," Katniss bit back. "I never pretended to be okay with how people saw me! If I had been the one dying by the river I would rather have crawled back into the dirt than take my clothes off in front of the camera!"

"What separates you and Peeta is your ways of thinking. Peeta has always been-and I apologise for this-smarter and more logical than you. In the Games, you had the Capitol's touch ups on your side. Before you even met your stylists you were picked at and changed. Your appearances were changed to be perfect or what the Capitol viewed as perfect. You didn't see this, Katniss, but Peeta did. Hence why he didn't care about being seen," Haymitch explained. He shrugged philosophically. "Now that there's no Capitol make up I guess he may be a little worried that you won't like how he really is."

Now that was just ridiculous. Katniss didn't believe it. There was no way that Peeta worried about how Katniss saw him. Especially not any more. There had to be another explanation that didn't sound completely barmy.

Willow fisted Haymitch's pant leg and tugged. Katniss' mentor looked at the child with old, tired eyes. He handed Willow the daisy and she laughed, falling leisurely onto her back and kicking her tiny feet in the air. Katniss and Haymitch observed this in silence, both too lost in their own thoughts to speak about anything. Katniss mutely worried about Peeta. About what he was doing inside his house. Was he having an attack or simply hiding under his duvet like she did when she was upset?

"Katniss!"

Katniss looked up and saw Leevy head up the pavement towards them. "Hey Leevy," she said, unsure.

"Want to help dig up the apothecary?" Leevy asked.

Katniss looked over her shoulder to Peeta's house two doors down. She felt a duty to stay here until he came out; to make sure he was okay. "I don't know if I should . . ."

"I'll look after the boy," Haymitch said gruffly, staring at the ground. "And the kid."

"We can do it some other time if it's not convenient right now," Leevy intercepted.

Katniss needed to do something to get her mind off of all of the confusing events that had transpired. She needed to do something practical. Something that didn't involve babies and Peeta or Peeta and babies. "No, now is good," she said. "Just give me five minutes." She returned to her house and changed her clothes, putting on a fresh sweater and pants before stuffing her feet into a pair of old trainers.

When she came back outside, Leevy frowned. "It's very hot out," she said. "And while doing labour, don't you think you'll get overheated?"

"I'll be fine," Katniss answered.

Leevy was still unsure but let it slide. She didn't want to trigger anything by arguing. "Is everything alright?" she asked as they exited the Village.

"Yes," Katniss lied. She wasn't the best liar in the world but always found herself being quite good at it when she really didn't want to talk about the truth.

Katniss didn't entertain the idea that Leevy and the others didn't know that she was struggling to adjust after what she went through during the rebellion. However, somehow Katniss felt it was worse if they found out that Peeta was going through the exact same thing. Peeta fronted himself with this strong personality-a personality that he did have-and used it as a disguise to hide his true feelings. A disguise even Katniss was only beginning to notice . . .

"Look Leevy, I'm sorry about the other day," Katniss found herself saying. "I was rude and irrational and"-

"Hey, it's fine," Leevy interrupted. "I completely understand."

"No, it's not," Katniss answered. She wrung her hands nervously, realising that she hadn't been into town without Peeta to lean on yet. "Just because I experienced a loss doesn't mean that it's okay for me to be so awful to you."

Leevy sighed. "Katniss, you weren't being awful," she said. "Your sister meant a lot to you, I get that. I should have thought of a better way to approach the topic. Thom and I were thinking about just asking Peeta instead of you but we decided that that's not fair on either of you. We can't expect Peeta to make decisions on your behalf nor can we ourselves make decisions on your behalf at all."

Katniss clutched her hands tighter and looked to the ground. During the blast, the coal had been unsettled from the ground, and it still felt like some of it had to settle back down, hanging suspended in the air. "You can put Primrose on the memorial," she said, her voice cracking. "I have to accept that she's gone."

Leevy stopped. She turned to Katniss and pulled her into a hug. "You don't have to accept anything that you don't feel ready to accept," she said firmly. "However, I am proud of you for being able to admit this and I'm sure Thom will be too. The entire District agreed that the top priority was to make sure we got your permission to get Primrose on the memorial. She meant a lot to all of us but we'd never have done it without your consent."

It was odd hearing someone she barely knew tell her that they were proud of her. Katniss felt a wrench in her stomach but not the bad sort. It was almost relieving. She sighed, the rush of air out of her lungs feeling like it was lifting a weight from her chest. Her hands stayed clenched in front of her but she didn't recoil from Leevy's embrace.

They made their way to the rebuilding site that used to be the Merchant Square. There still wasn't a great deal of progress but Katniss knew that it wasn't going to get better within the blink of an eye. Times were going to be tough for a while. From the last time Katniss had been down in the Square with Peeta, Leevy seemed to have gotten a good deal of the apothecary dug up. There was still a lot of rubble but the progress that she had made on her own was admirable.

"You've done amazing, Leevy," Katniss said.

"Thanks," grinned Leevy. She climbed on top of the debris to where her shovel was stuck into the middle. "A storm is supposed to be coming in so I'm trying to get as much done as I possibly can before then. We're going to be set back a few days when it hits." She scraped her dark hair back into a ponytail and tied it tight.

"Does everyone have a place to go to be protected from the weather?" Katniss looked around at the other residents of 12 who were still working hard. It was hard to tell who had shelters and who lived in the empty Village houses.

"Yeah, I think so," Leevy replied. She slid down the rubble with her shovel and gestured for Katniss to follow her around. "I've been holed up with Thom and Tax and a few others I don't really know that well. I think the house we're in used to belong to that girl who won all those years back. Y'know, the one who topped herself?"

Katniss hummed. She didn't know a lot about the one other Victor from 12 and the only thing everyone else seemed to know about her was that she couldn't handle the guilt and killed herself. Now that Katniss knew about what the Capitol did to the Victors, she began to wonder if it really was the guilt that killed her or something else . . .

"Yeah, the house is furnished and stuff. Has photographs and everything," Leevy explained as they crossed the Square. Katniss was paranoid that people were looking at her but when she glanced to either side, nobody's heads were even turned in her direction. "Kinda creepy if ya ask me but what'cha gonna do? Besides, a house is a house."

"Where are we going?" Katniss asked anxiously.

Leevy looked over her shoulder and stopped to give Katniss a second to catch up. "Gotta get another shovel off of Ripper. The ol' gal has stopped dealing in alcohol. Decided that it wasn't the best thing to be doing right now. Maybe she can open up an off license once we're up and running." Katniss wondered if Haymitch would go back to drinking if Ripper started dealing again. She hoped not. He had done such a good job remaining sober that she'd hate to see him throw it all away.

"Has Thom spoken to Tax about the baby yet?" Katniss asked.

"Oh yeah, he did," Leevy said. They were drawing nearer to where the Hob used to be. Katniss' stomach felt like butterflies had taken residence there and were flapping their wings frantically inside. "Tax said his mother would be more than happy to take Willow for you."

Relief flood Katniss' system. She brushed her hair back from her face and asked, "When would she be able to take her?"

"You see, that's the catch," Leevy replied. "The only way she'd be able to take Willow off your hands would be if you somehow got her to District 5 yourself. That's where she is right now, you see, hence why Tax volunteered to go and negotiate for electricity."

Katniss' heart sank and all previous relief dissolved. "I don't think we'd be able to do that," she said.

"I'm sorry," Leevy said sympathetically. "I wish there was something I could do to help but raising a child in a crowded house doesn't seem like the best option right now. Especially since most of us go out every day to work. It seems like Haymitch and Peeta are the only ones who aren't allowed to help so maybe its best that the baby stays with you."

That wasn't the answer Katniss wanted to hear. She didn't take it out on Leevy because it wasn't her fault, nor was it Tax or his mother's. She just couldn't understand why it was becoming so complicated to just get rid of a baby. Today alone was an example of how both she and Peeta weren't fit enough to raise Willow. They'd both ran away.

They didn't say any more on the topic of the baby and made their way to where Ripper had set up shop. She held her usual position in the burnt remains of the Hob but instead of selling spirits she was handing out shovels. Katniss had never felt a particular affection towards the old woman but just seeing her there, getting on with life, lifted her soul a little after hearing such bad news.

"Hey girl." Ripper grinned her gnarly gap toothed grin, delighted at the sight of Katniss outside. "I thought we were never gonna see ya again."

"Circumstance dragged me out," Katniss replied, unable to stop herself from smiling. The woman's pleasure was contagious.

"Katniss wants to help me with the apothecary so we need another shovel," Leevy explained.

"'Course," said Ripper, handing Katniss a heavy spade that had seen better days. "Ain't like any of ya're fancy bows but it's still got some good'ays in it."

Katniss nodded her thanks. "Thank you," she said.

"Thanks Ripper," Leevy said, turning around and heading off. "Bye!"

"Bye ladies!" Ripper waved back. She looked at Katniss and said, "Tell your man I said hi by the way."

Katniss stopped in her tracks. Man? What the heck did she mean 'man'? Did she mean Peeta? If so why did she say 'your man'? He wasn't hers! Katniss tightened her fingers around the handle of the spade and caught up with Leevy, giving Ripper one last short wave goodbye. How many people thought that she and Peeta were together? How many didn't understand that what they'd experienced together had torn them apart? Who else thought that Peeta was . . . her man?

"You're awfully quiet," Leevy noted as they made their way back. "Cat got your tongue?"

"No," Katniss said peevishly. She didn't want Leevy to know about the thoughts that currently circuited her brain. Not until she had them completely sorted out anyway. "I just don't have anything to talk about."

"Now that I believe," Leevy laughed. "You were always a very quiet person. Even when we were in school. You were one of those people I used to think about approaching but then second guessed myself and thinking, 'Nah, she'll rip my face off'."

Katniss wondered how she would have reacted if Leevy had approached her in school. She'd probably be suspicious, most of all. Wonder what the gimmick was or when the joke was going to come. People simply didn't talk to her in school, especially after her dad died. She would most likely be closed off toward anything Leevy said to her and would only interact when absolutely necessary.

"I used to hang out with Peeta and his friends though," Leevy continued to babble. "He'd always been very sweet on you. Anytime one of his jerk friends said something about you he would have defended you, usually resulting in a bit of a verbal beating from the other guys. Things like Seam Lover and Coal Muncher . . . they probably thought they were being creative but they couldn't even offend me with the insults and I was there to hear them."

Katniss had known since after the first Games that Peeta's love for her had been genuine. What she didn't know, however, was that he had defended her honour against his own friends. She'd always thought that when he was with them he pretended that he didn't know anything about her, let alone take a verbal bashing just to protect her. It made her feel even guiltier for playing with his feelings for so long.

They reached the apothecary remains and Katniss was glad to have something to focus on. Leevy climbed the mountain of rocks to dig out from the top while Katniss worked on digging from the bottom. She got warm very fast but pushed through. Taking her sweater off to allow everyone else to see her burned skin wasn't an option. Besides, the sweat showed that she was working hard. Her limbs began to ache fast and tiny pieces of her skin tore at the exercise but she didn't allow it to deter her. She wasn't going to show weakness. She wasn't going to allow what the rebellion had done to her body beat her.

It was clear now to Katniss that she had to work for the things that she wanted in life. To hide away forever was impossible. To forever be ignored was impossible. She had to set herself more realistic goals if she had any hope of trying to make the impossible possible. And right now, she had two in mind:

1) Rebuild the Apothecary

2) Get rid of Willow with whatever means necessary.

Then maybe she could return to the life she had led before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't know if I missed something in the books, but I honestly can't remember ever reading Peeta taking his prosthetic leg off to avoid blisters or chafing of the skin. I don't recall it being mentioned about Capitol technology being so great that he didn't need to, either, so that's why I decided to write this in myself. Although, I could just have a bad memory, it's been a while since I read the books.
> 
> Thanks for reading! (:


	6. Children of Panem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm is coming in . . .

Chapter Six

Katniss learned a lot while working with Leevy. She learned that there had been a public announcement by President Paylor while she had been hiding, explaining why she killed President Coin instead of President Snow. Apparently, files had been found in Coin's office sanctioning the bombing of the Capitol children. The bombing that took Prim. Paylor went on to describe Katniss finding the files and murdering Coin because of this. Even though it wasn't exactly what happened, Katniss was grateful for Paylor's cover-up. If she hadn't done that for her, Leevy might not have been as friendly towards her.

She also learned that Leevy had met a boy in District 13 and they were now upholding a long distance relationship while the transport lines were being erected. Katniss didn't understand how such a thing could be possible but Leevy was so happy and so keen on the idea she didn't want to question it too much. Just because Katniss wasn't exactly happy and didn't fully understand the concept of a long distance relationship, she wasn't going to ruin something that was clearly keeping Leevy upbeat.

Four hands were better than two and as the evening came along, Leevy told Katniss that she had gotten a lot more work done than she had planned to get done before the storm was planned to roll in. Katniss, despite herself, felt a twinge of pride. There was a feeling of accomplishment that actually came with being productive. As they returned their spades to Ripper, Katniss wondered if that was what Peeta was seeking out. A feeling of achievement. Something that would make him feel like he was capable to help. Able to do something productive, something that would contribute to the rebuilding of the community. It almost wasn't fair that they weren't letting him do even something small.

Leevy offered to walk Katniss home but Katniss told her that it was fine. Even though Leevy lived in the Village as well, it was no secret that she liked to check on Thom, who worked until very late at night. Leevy and Thom were the way Katniss and Gale had once been. Before the Games. Before Gale professed his love to Katniss. At least Leevy and Thom were proof that girls and boys could be friends without something happening between them. Katniss had first thought that she and Gale had been the first hand evidence of that. Not anymore.

No. Don't think about Gale.

Katniss forced herself to push the memories of her best friend to the back of her mind as she left the Merchant Square and began the trek through what was left of the Seam. The sky was a bright pink colour and the clouds that coated the sky looked almost like candyfloss, each one tinted with an orange glow along the lining. Katniss sighed and wound her arms tighter around her body. It was getting chilly, the cold air making the sweat on her body feel almost congealed. She decided that she would try to take a leaf out of Peeta's book and have a shower. A voluntary one.

She focused her eyes on the ground beneath her feet. Katniss couldn't bring herself to look at the devastation of the Seam just yet. It broke her heart. It felt like a ghost town, not a single soul dwelled within it. At least the Merchant Square was buzzing with life as people rebuilt everything. There was nothing in the Seam but dust and debris.

The crumbling ground soon gave way to gravel and Katniss felt like a weight had lifted off her heart as she felt free to lift her head up again. The gates to the Village loomed over her like a giant, the 'V' and the 't' having fallen from the word 'Victor' during the shockwaves of the bombings. As Katniss passed the gate, her eyes immediately went to her house, where she had left Haymitch sitting with Willow three hours previous.

In Haymitch's garden, Peeta sat in the grass, arms around his knees and chin rested on top. Willow was chewing on what looked like a toy car, rolling it around in the grass beside Peeta. Katniss felt a surge of relief at the sight and almost shouted to him, just like back in the Games when the rule change had been announced. Instead, she forced herself to keep quiet and walked stiffly to her house.

Peeta snapped out of whatever trance he was in and his eyes locked on Katniss. Relief washed over his features and he stood up, meeting her half way on the pavement in front of the house. "I am so sorry about earlier," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to . . . I was being a bit . . ."

"I understand," Katniss hastily replied. "I was being a bit unfair too. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. It wasn't nice and it was completely irrational of me."

"No, it was my fault," Peeta insisted. "I should have understood that you were still sensitive about that sort of thing and"-

"Peeta, stop," Katniss insisted back, "What happened to you wasn't your fault. Besides, I have done my fair share of running away as well."

Peeta didn't look convinced. "But"-

"Of for God's sake it's both your faults!" Haymitch shouted from his front porch. "Stop your creakin' about it and just make up already! Jesus!"

Peeta and Katniss both flushed in embarrassment. Peeta looked at the ground and scratched the back of his head. "That man is such a dose," he murmured.

Katniss tugged on her sleeves sheepishly. "Yeah, tell me about it," she replied.

Willow dropped the car onto her face and started to cry. Peeta winced and looked over his shoulder at her, returning to where she lay and picking her up. He propped her up on his hip, the action alone being enough to comfort her. She nuzzled her face into his side, her tiny hands grabbing his sweater and fisting it tightly.

Katniss then realised that Peeta hadn't worn a sweater until now. It had been an exceptionally warm day and before his shower he had been wearing a t-shirt. Guilt wrapped itself around her like a thick blanket and she tried to say something, anything, which would take back the words she had said that made him realise what had scared her earlier. But no words came out of her mouth and she stood uselessly on the pavement in front of her lawn, gawking at Peeta as he bounced Willow up and down to soothe her.

"I would suggest staying outside to enjoy the sunset but Haymitch says a storm is coming in," Peeta explained.

Katniss, still upset that she had caused Peeta's confidence to regress instead of evolve, nodded. "Yeah, Leevy said the same thing," she said.

"I think I should maybe try to get Willow to sleep before it comes," Peeta suggested. "I don't want her to be scared if there's lightening or anything."

"Yeah, good idea." Katniss stepped onto her lawn as Peeta began to make his way to the door. "I need to have a shower anyway."

"I'll turn on the water heater," Peeta called as he entered the house again.

Once the door swung shut behind him, Katniss turned to Haymitch. "Is he alright? What did he look like when he came back out of his house?" she asked.

Haymitch rocked back on his seat and crossed his ankles. "The boy came out an hour and a half after you set off with your friend," he explained. "He looked alright to me. Was wearing that bulky sweater mind you which I'd say has something to do with what you said to him . . . Other than that he seemed normal. Although that says nothing."

Katniss despised the idea that she may have provoked a flashback from Peeta. She really couldn't bear the thought. She tried to push it away, like she did with thoughts of Gale and Prim, but because Peeta was here with her, helping her out, it was much more difficult. "Did you talk to him?" she asked.

"We chatted, sure," Haymitch answered. "But not about that. I wasn't going to poke the bear with a stick in case the monster was still lingering on the surface."

"He's not a monster!" Katniss spat acidly. "How could you say such a thing?!"

Haymitch raised an eyebrow quizzically. "It's a figure of speech, sweetheart." Katniss flushed with embarrassment. She scowled and turned on her heel, marching up the garden to her front door. "And sweetheart?"

"What?" Katniss snapped, her hand clenched tight around the handle of the door.

"I'm proud of you."

Katniss looked at Haymitch in alarm. What . . . ?

"For going into the Square and doing some work," Haymitch explained. Katniss' old mentor's eyes were tired but they held comfort and warmth. "I know it wasn't easy for you. So, yeah, I'm proud."

Katniss felt that twinge again. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Thank you."

"Now don't expect me to say that often. Yer old mentor ain't all that keen on the mushy stuff," said Haymitch.

Katniss laughed and nodded. "Don't worry, I don't." She turned the handle and waved at Haymitch. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight sweetheart."

Katniss went straight to the shower. She scrubbed all the sweat from her body with Aurelius' soap and even gave her hair a quick clean. She felt better once she stepped out of the shower cubicle-refreshed, even-and even decided that she would put on a fresh pair of pyjamas as well. Bundled in a fluffy dressing gown and a thick towel so the only skin on display were her hands, feet and face, Katniss barrelled down the hall into her room, scared that Peeta would step out and accidentally see her just like she'd seen him.

Once she was dressed in clean pyjamas, Katniss went to the bathroom and dropped the towels into the washing basket. On the way back to her room, she noticed the sky growing grey through the window above the stairs. It didn't take long for the lovely evening to turn into the setting of a climax to a horror film. Shivering, Katniss returned to her room and began to braid her hair while it was still wet.

As she stood in front of the mirror, her nimble fingers threading her hair together, she began to hear Peeta moving around in the next room. It had become almost natural for her to hear him, like they had always shared a household and it hadn't just been for the past few days.

"Over the valley, down by the creek,

If you go alone, you'll find what you seek."

Katniss paused her braiding, her heart dropping into her stomach. She moved to the wall and pressed her ear against it.

"Because when night falls, they come out to play,

Keep your eyes open, they come at your say."

The Valley Song. Katniss hadn't heard that song in years. Yet Peeta still seemed to know it word for word, not exactly singing it but more whispering it gently to Willow. Probably to try to get her to sleep before the storm rolled in. The last time Katniss heard The Valley Song had been when her dad sang it to Prim in her cradle. She used to stay up just to hear him sing it and her mother let her because she understood Katniss' desperation to hear him sing.

"They'll come for you, but not for me,

Because I'm grown up and only children can see."

Katniss wondered if Peeta remembered the words to the Valley Song because it was the song he associated with the first time he ever saw her. She didn't want to sound vain for thinking that that could be only the reason he knew it all but Peeta had said that he remembered her singing it in assembly.

"The fairies that come to the Valley at night,

To show the children of Panem the light."

Katniss wondered if the song had deeper meaning. The fairies that came to the Valley at night to show the children of Panem the light could have been a metaphor for children dying and going to heaven. The idea made Katniss' stomach flip. She wouldn't question her dad singing such a song to her and Prim because he sung The Hanging Tree to them as well and let them make necklaces of rope. That sort of thing didn't seem to bother him all that much.

She moved away from the wall and forced herself to go back to the mirror. She picked her half completed braid and finished it off. Closing her curtains, Katniss climbed into bed and drew the quilt up to her chin before closing her eyes and plunging herself into the world she feared most: her own mind.

~xXx~

Katniss ran around the jungle desperately, screaming Peeta's name over and over again. She was frantic and afraid. Scared that he had been killed by Brutus or Enobaria. Or even Finnick and Johanna. No matter which direction she took, however, she always ended up back at the lightening tree. Beetee lay lifeless beside it, only twitching every so often to show that he was still alive.

"Peeta!" Katniss screamed for what felt like the thousandth time.

A cannon went off and Katniss felt it. Deep in her heart she felt like a piece had been torn off. She bolted back out into the jungle, jumping over fallen trees and tripping over stones and trunks. Her heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest at any moment. Tears were blurring her vision, soaking her cheeks and coating her face like sweat.

"PEETA!" She screamed into the darkness, even though she knew it was useless.

She burst out of the treeline and screamed in frustration as she was back, once again, at the lightening tree. Thunder rumbled up ahead and she knew what was coming. Except Katniss was too afraid to do anything. She fell to the ground and screamed into the dark oblivion. Nothing hurt more than the realisation that he was gone. That Peeta had been killed.

Lightning struck the tree; a dazzling zap of blinding light. It hit the tree with a bang, the impact sending Katniss flying forward onto her stomach. She yelled in agony as the electricity pulsed through her body and she sobbed into the soil. She had lost. She had failed. Peeta was dead and she was about to die too.

Maybe things were better off this way.

Katniss woke up in the darkness of her room. She had only just sat up when a blinding light flashed outside. She screamed, thinking in her tired state that she was still in the Quarter Quell Arena. She looked around her room frantically. Where was Peeta? Where was he?! Katniss fell out of bed and continued to scream. Lightning flashed again and she curled up into a ball on the floor beside her bed, tearing at her hair and screaming into her knees.

The door to her room burst open and light spilled in from outside. Katniss continued to scream regardless, pushing herself backwards into her bedside cabinet as fear began to cripple her. She couldn't live without him. She couldn't. She couldn't. Not without him. No. No. Please. It couldn't be true.

Strong arms wrapped themselves around her and she screamed louder, lashing out angrily. "Katniss!" a voice finally came through. "It's me! It's Peeta!"

Katniss screamed harder. She screamed until her throat felt like it was bleeding and her voice was going to die. The arms pulled her closer and she felt a hand stroking her hair. "No, no, no, you're dead!" she screamed. "They killed you! They took you from me!"

"I'm not dead, Katniss, look," the arms squeezed Katniss and she forced her eyes open. She found herself staring into Peeta's crisp blue eyes. They were so unmistakably his that Katniss burst out crying, relief flooding through her like a tidal wave. Peeta pulled her against him and Katniss wound her arms around him gratefully. "I will never let anyone take me from you."

"I thought I was alone," Katniss cried into his shoulder. "I thought I was alone again."

"You'll never be alone," Peeta said firmly, holding her head protectively against his chest. "Never again."

Lightning flashed and thunder grumbled overhead. Katniss flinched in Peeta's arms and she resisted the urge to scream again. Peeta shushed her gently, stroking her temple with his thumb. Katniss relaxed a little in his arms and began to sniffle pathetically.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?" Peeta whispered.

Katniss nodded against his chest. There would be time to consider the consequences later. Right now she needed him.

"Okay. I'm going to have to bring Willow in, is that alright?"

"Don't go," Katniss said weakly.

"I'll only be gone a second, I promise," Peeta said gently. Katniss grabbed his hands fiercely when he tried to get up, terrified that if he left, he wouldn't come back. "It's okay, Katniss, I'm not going anywhere. I just can't leave Willow in there on her own."

Peeta carefully detangled his hands from Katniss' and left the room. The few seconds in which he was gone felt like they were dragging on for eternity. When he returned, Katniss had curled further into herself. The wind and the rain and the lightning that battered her window felt like it was battering her body as well. Willow was sleeping in the basket in which she had been left on the doorstep in. The weather didn't seem to bother her. Peeta had also dragged the pillow and throw from his room in. He laid Willow down ever so carefully and left the blankets by the door. He returned to Katniss and crouched in front of her. "See? I'm back," he said, touching her face.

Katniss grasped his hand tight and squeezed it hard. Peeta didn't show a flicker of pain on his face. She just needed to know that he was here, he was okay and not dead. "I don't want to go back," she said, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head rapidly.

"I know," Peeta said gently. "Neither do I."

"Can't we just stay awake forever?" she asked.

Peeta laughed. "I wish we could," he sighed. Lightning flashed again, the white light illuminating Peeta's face with its radiance. The shadows created by the dark outlined his jaw and cheekbones, causing his eyes to stand out like a beacon. Katniss felt comforted just by looking at him. "Come on, let's get off the floor."

Katniss let Peeta take her elbows and guide her back up and onto her bed. She watched him pick her duvet off the floor and spread it back out onto her mattress. Why did she deserve the company of someone so kind and loving? What did she do to earn his care? Peeta sat down beside her once he was satisfied with the lay out of her bed and made no move to touch her again now that she had calmed down a little.

"Do you want a glass of water or anything?" he asked.

Katniss shook her head. "No, thank you," she replied.

Peeta set his own bed up on the floor. Katniss felt awful that he had to sleep there. A part of her wanted to tell him to get in with her-she was sure that his warmth would give her the confidence to go to sleep, as it always did-but she couldn't get the words to come out of her mouth. She felt them, she just didn't have the gumption to gauge what Peeta's reaction to them would be.

"I'll be right here, ok?" Peeta said as he finished sorting his sleeping arrangements out. "All night. I'm not going to go anywhere."

Katniss nodded her understanding and slid underneath her duvet.

The last thing she remembered before she fell asleep was Peeta giving Willow a goodnight kiss on the forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Question guys: It's been a very long time since I've read the Hunger Games books, and I've always been confused whether The Valley Song was the song that Katniss sang to Rue or a completely different song all together (like in this fic). I mean, I don't remember it being said (although that means nothing since as I say it's been a while) and the song she sings to Rue is constantly referred to as 'Rue's Lullaby' and not called the Valley Song, which has always made me believe they were different. Does anyone know?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Cheese Buns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta have a discussion about Willow and the hijacking . . .

Chapter Seven

What woke Katniss up the next morning wasn't a nightmare, it was Willow's crying. The wails slowly reached her ears like she had muffs covering them and they were being slowly pulled away. Katniss squeezed her eyes shut before slowly peeling them open. Her blurry vision saw movement by her bed and suddenly there was a hand touching her arm.

"It's okay, Katniss, I've got it," a voice said gently. "Go back to sleep."

Content to let the voice do as it wished, Katniss shut her eyes again and burrowed back into her pillow, allowing sleep to consume her once again. She slept for a couple of extra hours before waking up again. Feeling more refreshed than she had in years, Katniss climbed out of bed and stuffed her slippers onto her feet. She went to the window and peered outside.

The sky was a heavy grey. All light was smothered under the clouds' oppressive blanket. The heavens were weeping, thrashing buckets and buckets of rain down onto the ground outside. At least the primroses would get fed . . . Katniss stepped back, allowing the curtain to fall back into place. Her room was dark but opening the curtains wasn't going to do much difference. It was as dark out there as it was in here.

Katniss' stomach grumbled and she wondered what time it was. Her gut felt depressingly empty; something she hadn't felt for a few days now because Peeta made sure that she ate three meals a day. The thought made her worry. Was he okay? Why didn't he come and get her up to eat like he usually did? She passed his make-shift bed on the way out of the room. The covers were unsettled, like he had left in a hurry, and Willow's basket was empty.

"Peeta?" Katniss called as she exited her room. There was no answer. She popped her head into the next room, in case he had went to sleep on a proper bed for a while, but it was empty too. A knot of worry formed in her stomach and she made her way to the stairs, concern growing with every step she took. "Peeta, are you here?"

As soon as she set foot on the last step, her worry evaporated.

In the living room, Peeta sat on the sofa. His head had fallen back over the top of the cushions and he was sleeping like a rock. Willow lay on his chest, also fast asleep. Katniss shuffled closer as quietly as she could manage so she wouldn't wake them. When she was close enough, she saw that underneath Peeta's eyes there were heavy bags, showing the lack of sleep he had gotten lately. She felt guilty. What was the cause? Willow or her own nightmares? Or, as Peeta himself put it, the fear of having a hijacking attack?

Feeling a little useless-and not wishing to wake them up-Katniss pulled the thick blanket that hung off the top of the sofa off and threw it over them as gently as she could. She also lifted Peeta's head as gently as she possibly could and wedged a pillow underneath. He'd get a crick in his neck if he didn't have some sort of support. Katniss reached out, as if to brush the blond hair that had fallen over Peeta's eyes back, but stopped herself and retracted again.

She turned and went to the kitchen, which wasn't separated from the living room by a wall or door. The entire downstairs of the Village's houses were like a huge room with different clusters of furniture determining where each room was. It was a nice way to keep an eye on everything but Katniss couldn't help wondering if that was how Snow kept an eye on everything. All he would need was one camera in the corner of the room by the door and he'd have a full view of the entire lower portion of the house.

Katniss pressed the back of her hand against the kettle. The water wasn't warm, meaning that Peeta must have fed Willow a while back. She filled it up with water and flicked it on before turning to the islet and determining what she was going to eat. A basket sat in the middle. When she went closer, she saw that it contained cheese buns. A note sat on top.

'Katniss, I made you some cheese buns for breakfast. I'm leaving this note in case you come down while I'm giving Willow a bath and don't have anything to eat. I'll tidy up the mess when I'm finished. Enjoy them!

~Peeta'

Katniss looked over her shoulder at the sink. It was filled with baking utensils. She looked back at the note and smiled. She wondered if Peeta had even had a chance to bathe Willow before he even fell asleep. Katniss picked up a bun and took a bite out of it. Her eyes practically fluttered as the pastry made her taste buds explode in ecstasy. She finished it off in two seconds flat, sucking on her fingers to make sure nothing got wasted. Temptation filled her to eat them all but she restrained herself. It didn't look like she was going to get outside today so she had to do something to keep her busy.

Katniss rinsed out the dirty dishes and loaded them up into the washer. She didn't mind doing it, even though it wasn't her mess. Peeta had done so much for her over the past few days, this was the least she could do for him. It wasn't even that bad a job. Katniss enjoyed digging up the apothecary yesterday. It kept her mind and hands occupied. Maybe physical labour was something she should try more often. It distracted her from the painful memories that threatened to cripple her every day.

When the kettle boiled, she made a cup of tea and sipped at it miscellaneously as she worked. When Peeta woke up, she'd make him one too. Katniss wiped flour off the benches with a wet cloth and brushed sugar and baking powder off the floor with a brush. She found herself humming the tune to the Valley Song as she worked. Peeta had planted it into her head the previous night and it filled her thoughts since.

The clock above the television said that it was 11:30 in the morning. Katniss ate another cheese bun and put two on a plate. Making another cup of tea, she carried it into the living room and put it on the coffee table. A part of her didn't want to wake Peeta up because he looked so peaceful but she didn't know when he had woken up to feed Willow. She didn't know when he last ate something. Besides, Willow would probably start wailing soon and it'd be better if Peeta had gotten some form of sustenance into him before that.

Katniss leaned forward and nudged him. "Peeta," she said gently.

Peeta's face screwed up a little and he mumbled, "Are you having a nightmare, Katniss?"

Her heart tearing a little, Katniss nudged him again. "No, Peeta, it's not a nightmare but you have to wake up and eat."

The shadows that Peeta's eyelashes cast on his cheeks fluttered as his eyes flickered open groggily. "Where am I?" he frowned.

"In the living room," said Katniss. "You must have fell asleep here."

Peeta moved to sit up and immediately noticed Willow. He placed a hand on her back to support her as he straightened up. He rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand and looked down at the baby in his arms to check she was alright. "I don't even remember sitting down here," he said.

"You should have told me that you weren't getting enough sleep," said Katniss.

"I'm fine, really," Peeta insisted.

Katniss picked the mug of tea off the coffee table and pressed it into Peeta's hand. "You're not getting enough rest. Willow is draining your energy. We have to find someone to take her before you start falling asleep standing up."

Willow slid down Peeta's stomach and stopped at his lap. Still asleep, she curled her arms and legs around his torso like a monkey clinging to its mother. Peeta kept one arm wrapped around her, keeping her balanced against his body. "What about Tax's mother? Have we heard from her?" he asked.

Katniss shook her head and sat down beside Peeta on the sofa. "Yeah, Leevy told me yesterday. The only way Tax's mother could look after Willow would be if we brought her over ourselves."

Peeta frowned. "How does she expect us to do that?"

"I think I heard something about being able to travel by foot if you're willing but considering we're carrying a child I doubt it would work," Katniss shrugged. "Besides, I don't think either of us would be able to handle such a trip either. Your leg wouldn't be able to stick out such a journey and I . . . well . . . who knows what I'm going to be like in an hour's time, let alone the time it would take to get from here to 5."

Peeta drank from his mug and put it back onto the coffee table. He laid a protective hand on top of Willow's head. "I suppose we're back to square one then," he said.

Katniss shrugged helplessly. "Yeah. I guess."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Katniss chewed on a loose piece of skin from her bottom lip, trying to think of a solution to their problem. Except she couldn't focus. All she could think of was Peeta. She wondered whether he minded all that much that they had to keep Willow for longer than planned. She wondered if he minded having to keep looking after her. She wondered why he was still wearing that damn woolly sweater because even though it was cold outside, the Village Houses were very well insulated.

"I wonder if Haymitch is okay," Peeta suddenly said.

"I'm sure he is. He's probably braved out more freak weather in that house than we've even lived in ours," Katniss replied.

Peeta looked over to the kitchen, his eyebrows lifting when he saw that it was clean. "Did you"-

"Yeah," said Katniss. "I cleaned up."

"You know I would have if"-

"It's okay. Really. I wanted to." Katniss looked at her damaged hands and frowned. "Maybe it could become an arrangement. You cook, I clean."

"Are you sure you're up to that?" Peeta asked in concern.

Katniss looked at him, trying hard not to look offended. "Asking that is just the same as me asking you if you're up for cooking. Except if I insisted that you didn't do it, you'd still do it. Because it's in our best interests to eat, right?" she said. "Well, I'm insisting now. Let me do something."

Peeta nodded. "Alright."

Why did everyone ask her if she was okay to do things but never questioned Peeta? In some ways, he was more unwell than she was. Yet everyone trusted him to look after himself. Katniss knew that she hadn't exactly made that good an example of herself, having to depend on Greasy Sae for so long and only starting to do more productive things now that Willow was around and forcing her to do so. But she could do things when she put her mind to it. She didn't want to be viewed as some sick little girl hiding away for the rest of her life.

Peeta scratched the side of his face and Katniss' eyes zoned in on a mark on his hand. Two semi circles. Almost like the shape of . . . teeth. Katniss felt sick as she remembered where that came from. Her teeth sinking into his hand as he stopped her from swallowing the Nightlock pill, so hard she tasted the metal tang of his blood in her mouth for hours after. Had she really scarred him?

"Is that . . . mark because of . . . me?" Katniss asked, her voice only barely above a whisper.

Peeta looked at the top of his hand. "Oh no," he said. "That's not yours."

"Then who's is it?"

"I sometimes bite myself when I'm . . ." He gestured at his head, indicating a hijacking attack. "It's to keep me grounded. Better than biting someone else . . ."

"Doesn't it hurt?" asked Katniss.

"That's the point, really," Peeta shrugged. "It's really not that bad. When I'm not all there in the head, I can barely feel the pain. The panic and the fear kinda over rules that."

Katniss brushed her fingers over the teeth marks, wincing at the thought of how deep his teeth must have went in for the cut to be that bad. "Aurelius should do more for you," she said.

Peeta laughed softly. "Like what?" he asked.

"I don't know . . . give medication or something," Katniss said. She scratched her head thoughtfully. "He gives me stuff for my burns. Like shower gel and things. Surely there's something that could be given for what you have."

"I'm a rare case, Katniss," Peeta shrugged. "I'm honestly okay. I have my coping mechanisms."

"Yeah, feeding on your flesh," Katniss muttered.

"Okay, don't make it sound like I'm trying to tear my own hand off, now," Peeta laughed.

Katniss couldn't say that she wasn't lucky in some small regards. What she had was treatable. It was difficult but still treatable. She wasn't the only person in the whole of Panem to be burned or to suffer from PTSD. Peeta, however? He was the only one to ever be tortured with tracker jacker venom. Anyone living that is. Who knew how many people died during the testing trials to ensure that Peeta lived long enough to reach Katniss and kill her? Aurelius was lucky enough to get Peeta to be civil. Curing him was a completely different venture all together.

"I have faith in Aurelius' medical ability," said Peeta. "Besides, he has a lot of sick people to deal with in the Capitol. The fallout from the parachutes is still going on up there."

Katniss pulled a knee up to her chest, propping her foot up on the edge of the sofa. Sometimes she forgot that Prim wasn't the only one to die from the parachutes. Hundreds of children were killed. Thousands injured. Families destroyed. Torn apart. Smashed beyond repair. And it wasn't even under Snow's order. Even he, an overbearing dictator who ruined lives on a daily basis, had some form of affection for his people. Could the same have been said for Coin? What would she have done with the citizens of the Capitol if Katniss hadn't killed her?

That was something Katniss couldn't completely understand. Was it really the Capitol people's fault for believing what they had been raised to believe? Who knows what sort of bullshit Snow told them about the Games. For all they knew, the tributes could have been willing to be reaped every year. Maybe they were told that the crying was for drama. The clinging to family members was to make it interesting. The careers certainly didn't help the 'willing' image. The Capitol people may have had brains like soup sometimes but they couldn't be faulted for being raised like that. Katniss couldn't say-with absolute certainty-that she wouldn't be the same as well. If her father and mother-and her surrounding environment-bigged something up to be so huge and great and fantastic, could she honestly say that she wouldn't believe them? Even if it did involve the deaths of children?

Katniss felt guilty for that little twinge inside her stomach that made her want Aurelius to ditch what he was working on currently and work harder on Peeta's case. She knew it was selfish of her. She appreciated Aurelius' work and the work he was doing to help those still suffering from the bombing. She really, really did. But while that was going on, Peeta was still sick. Having nightmares, sliding off the rails, biting himself as a coping mechanism. That wasn't coping. That was digression.

"Besides, Aurelius has helped me," Peeta said. He stood up with Willow and held her against him. The image of him standing with the baby was becoming unsettling familiar for Katniss. "He's put me on some medication . . . as mundane as they are."

"Mundane?" asked Katniss.

"Well . . . no medicine in common practice was supposed to be able to cure me," Peeta reminded her. "I'm probably on the same as you." If that was true, then he was on mood stabilisers and antidepressants. Would that really be enough to quell his attacks? Well, obviously not. Peeta moved Willow around to sit on his hip and said, "I'm going to give her that bath. I'll be back down later."

Katniss nodded. "I'll save you a bun."

"They're for you," said Peeta as he made his way to the stairs.

"Yeah and I want you to have one," Katniss immediately replied.

She was surprised by the authority in her tone. She didn't purposely set out to sound so irritated and firm. She hadn't expressed such an emotion since the rebellion. Okay, maybe irritation was a give-in but expressing authority? No . . . not since Snow's execution. So why now? Was it because she was sick of being treated like a porcelain doll? Was it that she wanted Peeta to stop pushing things onto her like she was some lonesome puppy who needed constant care? Or was it because she wanted Peeta to stop being so good for once and indulge in something selfish?

Or maybe she just wanted him to have a bun . . .

If Peeta noticed her change in tone, he didn't show it. He smiled at her and went upstairs, not giving away in the slightest whether he planned to eat one or not. Katniss snatched one off the plate on the coffee table and sank back into the sofa. She bit into it and chewed nervously, feeling stupid for near enough snapping at Peeta over a goddamn bun. She had to get her act together.


	8. Splash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple task. A disastrous result.

Chapter Eight

It wasn't long after Peeta went upstairs to wash Willow that it happened.

Katniss had put the cheese buns into an airtight container that she found in the cupboard above the bench and put the plates into the dishwasher along with the mugs. She was seeking out another job to do. She didn't mind what it was. Just something to occupy her mind the way cleaning the kitchen had done. Maybe she found out where the vacuum was kept she could run it over the carpet? She had always liked the sound the vacuum made. It was loud but surprisingly soothing.

She was crouched in front of the sofa, looking underneath to see if anything was hidden there when she heard a loud thump upstairs. She straightened up and looked to the stairs, reminding herself not to freak out until she knew for sure what was happening. She heard the bathroom door open and footsteps thudding against the hallway impossibly fast. Then another door slammed.

Then Willow began to cry.

Katniss' heart flipped in her stomach and sickness seized her. She kicked off her slippers, knowing that they would hold her back if she had to run, and slowly climbed up the stairs. Her bedroom door was still open and as she reached the top, Willow's cries grew louder and louder. The only door that was shut was the room that used to belong to her mother. Peeta's room. Katniss went to his door and leaned close, tilting her head so her ear was close to the wood.

A second later something bashed against the door from the other side, making Katniss jump and stumble backwards into the banister. Oh god. This could only mean one thing. Katniss tiptoed to the bathroom and looked inside. As feared, Peeta wasn't there. Only Willow. She lay on her back in the bath, the water thankfully not high enough for her to drown in.

Katniss rushed to the baby's aid, her thoughts clouded with fear and panic. She lifted Willow out of the water and scrambled to collect the child's clothes. As soon as her hand clenched around the pile of clothes, the screaming started. Katniss almost passed out as Peeta's enraged yells reached her ears from his room. She worked faster, dragging the clothes towards her and trying to get them onto Willow's tiny body.

"Sssh, Willow," she whispered as she messily tugged the baby's clothes back on, even though she was still wet. "We have to be quiet." She feared what would happen if Peeta heard Willow and came out of the room. As long as he stayed in there, they were safe. If he came out while they were still in the house then Katniss couldn't guarantee her own safety, let alone Willow's.

Willow's wide blue eyes were heavy with sadness. She squirmed unhappily in Katniss' arms as she stood up and slipped out of the bathroom. Katniss kept a firm grip on Willow and walked across the hall. Her heart lurched in her throat as she passed Peeta's room. One arm wrapped firmly around Willow's waist, she used her free hand to cover her own mouth. She couldn't alert Peeta to their presence in the house. Not when he was like this.

Katniss had just stepped down onto the first stair when the door burst open. Katniss spun around in horror as Peeta came out. It was instantly clear that he wasn't himself. His pupils had swollen up and swallowed any hint of the beautiful blue that usually resided in his eye and his face was twisted into an expression that resembled both rage and fear. His hand was bleeding, the blood threading through his fingers and dripping onto the floor.

When the dark black holes of his eyes landed on Katniss, Peeta stepped backwards fearfully. Katniss didn't know what he saw. How she looked through his hijacked eyes. However, she couldn't allow herself to stick around to find out. She promised Peeta she would get Willow out if he turned out like this and she couldn't break that promise.

Katniss turned back around and fled.

Peeta came after her.

Katniss stumbled down the stairs, both arms now clutched around Willow. Peeta was fast. He jumped down the stairs two at a time, trying to keep pace with her. He tripped on the final step and fell. When he hit the ground, he lurched up and grabbed Katniss' ankle, bringing her down as well. Katniss twisted herself around to land on her back so she didn't hurt Willow. She screamed in surprise but no other sound came out as the impact knocked the wind out of her. Peeta loomed over her, his eyes wide as he stared down at her. Katniss could only see fear now. He was terrified of her.

Katniss scrambled backwards pushing herself back with the heels of her feet. Peeta watched in an almost trance like state for a moment and she almost believed he was coming out of it. She slowly climbed to her feet and continued to reverse. "Peeta?" she whispered fearfully as her back came in contact with the door.

As soon as she spoke, Peeta's face twisted again. Katniss gasped and grabbed the door handle, throwing it open and running outside. Peeta had been so close behind her that as soon as she shut the door behind her he smashed into it full force, like he had been expecting to body slam Katniss and Willow to the floor when he reached them. Katniss forced the door handle upwards so Peeta couldn't push it down to open it. She then crouched to the ground and grabbed the spare key from under the loose wood panelling, stabbing it into the lock and locking Peeta inside.

When Katniss backed away to the patio steps, Peeta pounded on the door angrily, desperately trying to get out. Then he shouted that word. That one word that Katniss had never wanted to ever hear from him again. "MUTT!" Peeta roared this over and over again. Katniss was thrown back to District 13. Where Peeta had tried to kill her and refused to believe she was anything else but a mutt. Willow continued to cry in her arms but Katniss barely heard her.

Katniss was so lost that she forgot about the steps being behind her. She slipped off the patio and landed on her back on the wet grass. Staring up at the grey sky with Willow lying sprawled on her stomach, Katniss began to scream. Rain splattered her face and hair as she screamed to the heavens, cursing the world for what it had done to her and Peeta. Cursing Snow and Coin and the Capitol and everyone who had a hand in destroying their lives. She couldn't control herself. She screamed until her throat was raw and she could scream no more. After that she simply stared at the sky, not caring that she and Willow were getting soaked.

Feet sloshed across the wet grass and reached her moments later. "Jesus Christ, Katniss," said Haymitch. He prised Willow out of Katniss' arms and cradled her in one warm, grabbing Katniss' arm with his spare hand and dragging her up off the grass. He dragged her onto her feet and guided her to his house, shutting the door tight behind him.

Katniss stood in Haymitch's hall, dripping wet. Her pyjamas were covered with grass stains and mud. Her dressing gown hung off her body, saturated with water. Haymitch tended to Willow. He took her wet clothes off and wrapped her in a blanket straight from the linen closet, laying her on a seat by the fire which blazed away in the middle of the living room.

When Haymitch stood in front of Katniss again, she barely saw him. He clicked his fingers and she snapped out of it, looking at him in confusion as if he were an alien. His hair was wet and he wore a green windbreaker. His face was etched with concern. "What the hell happened, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Peeta," Katniss croaked, her voice hoarse.

Haymitch closed his eyes. He rubbed a wet hand over his face. "Was it bad?" he asked.

"He . . . he . . ."

Haymitch shook his head. "Don't talk about it if you don't want to," he said. He pulled his windbreaker off and hung it on the hat stand by the door. He took Katniss' arm and walked her to the downstairs bathroom. "Get out of those dirty clothes, I'll dig up something for you," he said.

"No," Katniss choked out, despite her throat's avid protests. "Help . . . Peeta . . ."

"I'll check on the boy once I know you're okay," Haymitch replied. With that, he disappeared off to find some clothes.

Katniss peeled off her dirty clothes, dropping them onto the floor with a satisfying slop. When she looked in the mirror, she saw blood. Her fall must have opened up a couple of wounds from her burn scars. She dabbed at them with toilet paper until the blood stopped resurfacing. Haymitch knocked on the door and opened it a crack, shoving his hand through but nothing else. In his hand was a bundle of clothes.

"Thanks," Katniss murmured, accepting the clothes and tugging them on. She looked down at herself and frowned. These were woman's clothes. Why did Haymitch have woman's clothes . . . ?

"I'm going to check on Peeta," Haymitch said as Katniss stepped out of the bathroom. Her mentor had the windbreaker back on and as he opened the front door, thunder rumbled overhead. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Katniss watched him leave. When the door was shut and her view obscured, she moved to the living room and sat in front of the fire. Willow had calmed down and simply stared at the orange flames, the flickering feathers reflecting in her bright blue eyes. Katniss sat on the sofa adjacent to the chair Willow was carefully placed and stared at the fireplace also. Willow's clothes sat on the hearth, the rain water forming puddles on the black marble.

"I thought I would never have to see him like that again," Katniss told Willow. The baby blinked, confusion in her eyes. "He doesn't mean it. He's a good person. He would never scare either of us on purpose. I know that and you would if you were older. Peeta has just been fucked by the system. And so have I. You are different."

Katniss looked at Willow and scowled. "You will never know what it was like to live under President Snow's rule and I envy you for that."

The phone rang and Katniss jumped. She wondered if she should answer it or not. Who would be calling Haymitch? She stood up, having a strong feeling in her gut that it would be important, and went to the phone dock by the kitchen. "Hello?" she said as she pressed the phone to her ear.

"Katniss," Haymitch said on the other end, "it's me."

"What's happening? Is he okay?" Katniss asked quickly.

"He's out of the attack," Haymitch explained.

Katniss felt that there was more to be said. "But . . . ?"

"But he's bitten a hunk chunk of flesh out of his hand and it's bleeding pretty badly. I need you to call the medics for me," said Haymitch.

"Medics?"

"They're from the medical tent that's usually set up in the merchant square for injuries during construction. I'd do it myself but you'll have to go to the house across the street. That's where they are," said Haymitch. "I need to keep an eye on the boy. There's wellies in the kitchen. Bring the baby."

Katniss didn't question him. "Okay." She hung up quickly and grabbed the wellies from the kitchen. Pulling them on, she went into the living room and put the fire guard up. She felt weird picking Willow up again since she wasn't in a blind panic any more but she swallowed her fear and left Haymitch's house.

It was still raining heavily outside and she hurried across the road as fast as she could while carrying Willow. The wellies were too big for her and rubbed her toes the wrong way but she ignored the pain as she thudded up the patio stairs. She knocked on the door and waited.

A girl with curly red hair answered. She looked immediately taken aback. "Katniss . . . Everdeen?" she asked in surprise.

"Are the medics here?" Katniss asked.

The girl nodded and waved someone over. "Why, are you hurt?" The girl's eyes slid to Willow. "Is the baby sick?"

"No, it's Peeta," Katniss said. "You have to help him."

"This is Broderick," the girl explained, gesturing to a tall man with brown and green hair. "He's a trained medic from the Capitol, he can help you."

"What's the problem?" Broderick asked as the girl disappeared into the house.

"Peeta's hurt, he needs stitches, please come and help!" Katniss exclaimed. She turned around and hurried down the steps again, running back across the road to her own house. Broderick grabbed his coat and medical kit before following her, only a couple of strides behind. Haymitch must have taken her spare key because the door was open when they reached it with no signs of force.

Haymitch was kneeling beside the sofa. Peeta lay unconscious on top, his hand in their mentor's. Haymitch was holding a rag against it, the material stained with dark red blood. Broderick got to work stitching up Peeta's hand, leaving Katniss and Haymitch to stand by helplessly.

"The baby threw water in Peeta's face when he was giving her a bath," Haymitch explained quietly. "It triggered a flashback."

"What sort of flashback?" asked Katniss.

"Memories of what they did to Johanna," Haymitch answered.

Katniss didn't know that Peeta's attacks could be triggered by reminders of the tortures of different people. Then again, Peeta and Johanna's cells were right beside each other. If there was any torture that would trigger an attack, it would be hers.

"How do you know all this?"

"Peeta told me before he passed out."

Katniss rubbed the bridge of her nose. She didn't know if she could handle this. If this was how it was going to go every time Peeta had an attack. He terrified her. She didn't want to fear him like she had in 13. It wasn't fair on either of them. And she didn't know if she could handle seeing Peeta so scared of her. So afraid of things Snow had convinced him she had done. She didn't want to be the Mutt anymore. She didn't want to be a monster in Peeta's eyes.

Haymitch took Willow out of Katniss' hands just as Broderick finished stitching Peeta up. "There may be some irritation around the wound for the next couple of days but that shouldn't be anything to worry about. Just call back over if you think the wound may be infected and I'll give you some antibacterial cream. Make sure he doesn't pick at it," the medic explained.

Katniss nodded, her eyes locked on Peeta's unconscious form. "Okay," she said.

"Don't tell anyone about how the boy got the wound," Haymitch said, handing Broderick a few coins from the Capitol. "He doesn't need the trouble right now."

Broderick smiled and handed the coins back. "Don't worry about it. I can't say I understand Peeta's condition as a medic but I do understand what it does to him. A lot of people just don't get it. I won't tell anyone," he promised.

Haymitch smiled back and slapped Broderick's shoulder. "Good man," he said.

As Haymitch showed Broderick out, Katniss drifted to the sofa. She perched on the arm by Peeta's head and touched his forehead with the tips of her fingers. Peeta stirred a little but didn't wake. Katniss stroked his face, unable to stop herself from comforting him. Haymitch appeared a moment later. "Would you like me to take Willow for the night?" he asked.

"No." Katniss shook her head. "I don't want Peeta to wake and feel like he has driven Willow out of the house. Everything has to remain as it had been before the attack." Haymitch was silent for a moment. Katniss looked to him and asked, "Can you stay the night? I don't trust myself with Willow and I don't know when Peeta will wake up."

Haymitch nodded. "Of course I will."

Katniss slid to the floor as Haymitch left to collect some things from his house and dampen the fire. She stared at her own fire, which was barren with the charred remains of the last fire to be lit there. She hadn't lit a fire in months. She reached out and took Peeta's wounded hand, pulling his arm over his shoulder and holding it in both of her own. She pressed a kiss against the top and whispered four words she hoped he would hear in his dreams.

"I don't blame you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys! Just to let you know, I'm back at college today, hence why my update is so late in the day! I don't get out until four o'clock and this seems to be the way it will go for the foreseeable future, so I will always update as soon as I can once I get home. Hope that's okay! :)


	9. The Healing Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta wakes up from his hijacking attack.

Chapter Nine

Peeta had woken up in the middle of the night, confused and disorientated. Katniss had been passing his bedroom when she heard him groan and when she peered into the room to check on him, he had hung over the side of the bed and vomited. Haymitch took a look at him. He checked his eyes and his focus before concluding that he was concussed. Katniss was alarmed by this. You weren't supposed to let someone with a concussion sleep. They were lucky he had woken up at all!

Broderick returned in the morning and gave them some advice. Peeta had to get plenty of rest and not strain himself until he was completely recovered. When he examined him further, Broderick discovered a bump on Peeta's head which had been hidden by his hair. This suggested that during the attack, he may have whacked his head multiple times against the wall or door, blinded by rage when Katniss escaped. This also explained why he passed out so quickly afterward.

"Keep something cold against the bump. Like some ice or a wet towel. Do this every three to four hours," Broderick told Katniss as they left Peeta's room with Haymitch watching him. "Don't let him do anything strenuous. If he isn't any better in forty eight hours, come and see me again." He handed Katniss a packet of paracetamol. "They will subdue the pain. Don't let him take any more than two every four hours."

"Okay," Katniss said. She led Broderick out and thanked him avidly. Without his help, who knew what state Peeta would be in?

When the medic was gone, Katniss pulled the ice cube tray out of the freezer and dumped them all into a kitchen cloth. She ascended the stairs and returned to the guest room, where they had moved Peeta to in the middle of the night. "Broderick says to keep that pressed against the wound," she said, handing Haymitch the cloth.

"Thanks, sweetheart," said Haymitch.

Peeta wasn't asleep-he hadn't been since he woke up and threw up-but he was extremely disorientated. His eyes were drooped and he was muttering quietly to himself. It unnerved Katniss to see him like that. Almost as much as the hijacking attack had unnerved her.

Willow was distressed as well. Haymitch had been visited by Hazel Hawthorne and she gave him the walkie that she had used for Posy. It had been the only thing that had come with them when Gale evacuated everyone before the bombing. She had heard about Willow and wanted to help so she gave Haymitch the walkie to give to Katniss. Just like everyone else, she was too nervous to give it to Katniss directly.

Willow didn't have time to enjoy the leisure of her new toy. She was too upset, like she sensed there was something wrong. Her clothes were dry and she didn't have to be wrapped up in a blanket anymore. Haymitch had sorted that out for Katniss while she kept an eye on Peeta. After he had thrown up in the middle of the night, Katniss had been afraid to leave his side.

"We're losing two more days," Katniss said fearfully.

"Two more days?" voiced Haymitch.

"To get rid of Willow," Katniss explained.

"Sweetheart, I don't know if that's going to happen for a while now. If Tax's ma couldn't take her, I don't think there are many other options," Haymitch said as softly as he could. "Not until the roads through the Districts are finished anyway."

That's what Katniss had feared. She chewed on her thumbnail anxiously before pulling the comforter further up Peeta's body. "I can't look after a baby for six months Haymitch," she said. "Peeta thinks he can but look at where the stress has led him."

"This wasn't stress, Katniss," Haymitch replied. He kept the cloth pressed against the bump on Peeta's head, the water from the melting ice dampening the material and causing water to soak the younger boy's forehead and hair. "I'm sure he was stressed-he is an eighteen year old boy looking after a baby after all-but it wasn't that that caused this. You know yourself what caused this."

Katniss wished she didn't. She wished that it had been Willow because they then had a stronger case of getting rid of her. It was awful of her to think that way but Peeta needed to be shown that looking after a baby wasn't good for them. But it hadn't been Willow that caused the concussion. It had been the venom in Peeta's blood. It had been the result of his tortures. Nothing else.

"I just don't want Peeta in danger of hurting himself," Katniss said feebly.

"I know," Haymitch replied. He glanced to Willow and sighed. "Would you like me to look after her for a while? You'll have to watch the boy."

Katniss nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

It surprised her how well Haymitch got on with Willow. They bonded really well. Almost as well as Peeta did with Willow. Or maybe it was just Katniss that Willow didn't get along with . . . Either way, Katniss was grateful for Haymitch's aid.

Haymitch picked Willow out of the walkie and carried her downstairs. He supported her with one arm and carried the walkie with the other. Katniss shut the door behind him and took Haymitch's place holding the ice against Peeta's head. He was still muttering to himself which worried Katniss immensely.

"Peeta?" she asked gently. "Peeta, are you feeling alright?"

"Where . . . where's Willow?" Peeta asked back, sounding confused.

"She's okay. Haymitch has got her," Katniss replied. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm going to be sick again," Peeta answered.

Katniss quickly grabbed the bucket they brought up for him and helped Peeta sit up just in time for him to be sick into the bucket. She kept the ice against his head, hoping it soothed him while he vomited. She remembered when she had been in the room next door and when Peeta had helped her mother look after her when she had jumped the fence and hurt herself. A part of her was glad that she could return the favour. She just wished she could have done it in easier circumstances.

"You good?" she asked when it subsided.

"No," Peeta mumbled.

Katniss knew he wasn't referring to his sickness but to something else. She sighed and removed the bucket from under his chin, gently helping him sit back against the head board. "Don't beat yourself up about what happened," Katniss said firmly. She pulled a tissue out of the box beside the bed and handed it to Peeta to clean his mouth up with. "You know that I would never blame you for your attacks. And if Willow could understand what was going on she wouldn't blame you either."

"I could have hurt her. I could have hurt you both," Peeta groaned.

"But you didn't," Katniss replied.

"This time," Peeta contradicted.

"Peeta," Katniss sighed, "you aren't a bad person. I know that you would never, ever intentionally set out to hurt me or anyone else in any way. In fact, not just I know that. Loads of people know that. Even the goddamn medic-from the Capitol, might I add-understood that it wasn't your fault. The only person pointing the finger is you."

Peeta frowned, clearly still confused. Katniss exhaled, knowing that she shouldn't be arguing with him when he was so disconcerted. She stroked the ice across his forehead, trying to smooth down any frayed nerves. Caring for Peeta came to her like second nature. For most of her life Katniss had looked at how her mother had nursed people back to health and couldn't understand how it was possible. Yet she looked out for Peeta like she had been doing it her entire life. That's what they did, she supposed. They protected each other.

"Try to relax," said Katniss. "Don't dwell on it. Stressing about it isn't going to help your head."

"My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton balls," Peeta muttered.

Katniss fished out the paracetamol that Broderick gave her and fetched a glass of water from the kitchen. Haymitch was in the living room, hanging a piece of fabric over Willow's head. She was laughing and grabbing for it, clearly appeased by simply grappling for the material. "Here," she said when she returned to Peeta. "Take these."

She watched him swallow two of the tablets and put the glass onto the bedside table. Peeta offered to hold the ice himself but she turned him down. She liked having something to do, especially if it meant getting him back on his feet. "Do you"-she stopped, reconsidering what she had been about to ask.

"What?" asked Peeta.

Katniss bit her lip nervously. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"No," admitted Peeta. Katniss nodded rapidly, feeling like a fool for even asking. Peeta saw this and quickly said, "It's not because I don't trust you, I promise. I just don't want to distress you with the things that I see. There's a lot that happened to me in the Capitol that I'd prefer to keep hidden."

"That can't be good for you," Katniss answered.

"You're probably right," Peeta agreed. "Doesn't mean that I'm going to put your own state of mind at risk. Especially when you're improving so well. Johanna calls every few days and we chat about it a lot."

Katniss felt a jealous tug in her gut. She knew that Peeta didn't talk to Johanna about what he saw during his attacks because he trusted her more with the information. It was because they had both endured torture in the Capitol. They understood each other in that way and there was nothing that could shock them. Peeta was protecting Katniss by not telling her. However, she still felt really envious of Johanna for having that piece of Peeta's trust.

"You don't have to talk to me about it," Katniss said, smothering the spite that threatened to bubble up in her tone. "Just focus on getting your head straight again."

"I can't stay like this all day," said Peeta. "Someone has to go and look after Willow."

"Haymitch is doing it," Katniss reminded him.

"But Haymitch has to go home at some point. You didn't expect him to stay the whole time, did you?" asked Peeta.

Katniss didn't want to admit that she had. Haymitch did have a rough night. He preferred sleeping in his own bed and he didn't sleep a wink here in Katniss'. Katniss tried to ignore this the next morning, especially when it became clear that Peeta had concussed himself. She knew that she'd have to send Haymitch home to rest sooner or later. But then what about Willow? Peeta couldn't do it. Not in his condition. The stress could make him worse.

"I'll do it," Katniss decided.

Peeta didn't seem convinced. "Katniss"-

"No, I will," said Katniss, trying to hide the fear in her voice with authority. "It's just a baby. I mean . . . how hard can it be?"

"I don't at all believe that you think that," Peeta said flatly.

"Believe what you like," Katniss replied. "I'll send Haymitch home later and I'll watch Willow. If I have any questions I'll come to you, alright?"

Peeta still didn't seem sure but he couldn't argue. What was he to say? He couldn't even sit up without getting dizzy, let alone stand, and if he tried to carry Willow around the house he'd probably stumble over himself and fall. Besides, Katniss wasn't like him. She wouldn't take a random fit that could endanger Willow. The worst thing she could do would be take a mood swing because of a triggered memory-whether it be the rebellion, their lost friends, or Prim-that could result in Willow's neglect. Maybe if he stayed awake and called Katniss every half to three quarters of an hour to check up things would go okay.

Anyway, Katniss would have questions. She had never looked after a baby before so hopefully she'll be constantly in and out of the room seeking advice from him. She had some knowledge from when Primrose had been a baby but the full responsibility of caring for her sister hadn't been on Katniss' shoulders then. No . . . that came much later.

Katniss smoothed the cold cloth against Peeta's forehead one last time before asking if he could take it while she went to talk to Haymitch. "Keep it pressed against the bump on your head," she explained as Peeta took over for her. "Broderick said to do this every three to four hours."

Peeta nodded and placed the cloth against his head. "Got'cha," he replied. The relaxing cool of the ice against his injury was very relaxing and his eyes fluttered shut to focus on that instead of the pain. Katniss found herself smiling fondly. She wished he didn't beat himself up so much. He wasn't a bad person.

Haymitch was still doting over Willow in the living room. It was almost comical how much he had taken to Willow. And how remarkably fast it happened too. Katniss wondered if she was doing something wrong. Maybe she wasn't trying hard enough to bond with Willow. Okay, she knew she wasn't trying hard enough. Honestly, she wasn't trying at all. But it seemed that Willow had taken a strong disliking to her anyway, even though they knew nothing about each other.

"Hey, Haymitch, you should go home and get some sleep," Katniss said, approaching the sofa where the two sat.

Haymitch shook his head. "I'm fine," he insisted.

"No, you're not. You didn't sleep last night," said Katniss. "Don't think I don't know how to see through the 'I'm fine' shit. I've pulled it enough myself."

Her mentor sighed and when he looked at her, Katniss could see the fatigue in his pale grey eyes. "You have, haven't you?" he said. "Are you sure you can look after Willow?"

Katniss nodded, acting confident and firm. "Yes," she said. "If there's a problem I'll call you. Or go across the road to get Broderick again if it's emergency. It's still raining so he should still be there."

Haymitch, not having a strong enough case to argue with, nodded and stood up. Willow made an unhappy noise, clearly not pleased that he was leaving. Haymitch smiled at the baby and pulled a funny face, making her laugh and smile again. He turned to Katniss and said, "The storm is expected to end sometime tonight meaning rebuilding will resume tomorrow."

"I see," Katniss replied, heading for the door to let him out.

"Do you think your friend will be coming to find you? That Leevy girl?" asked Haymitch as he followed her.

"Probably. Why?"

"I can look after Willow and the boy if you want to go with her."

Katniss turned around and frowned. "Why?"

"Because the baby is sweet. I don't know . . . The innocence is nice to be around," Haymitch explained. "I don't know how to explain it all that well . . ."

"I understand," said Katniss. "Sure. If Leevy comes I'll go with her and you can stay with Willow." It was a weird request for Haymitch to make but now she had an excuse to blow off babysitting if the rain stopped in the middle of the night.

"Do you think you'll be okay for the rest of the day?" asked Haymitch as Katniss opened the door.

"I'll be fine," Katniss said, despite her own reluctance. "I have Peeta upstairs-even if he's only half sentient-and Willow shouldn't kick up that much of a fuss. She seemed fine with you." Katniss shrugged. "I mean, how hard can it be really?"

Haymitch chuckled, making Katniss' face fall. "You have no idea."


	10. Da-Da

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss regrets her words and learns how difficult to it is to keep tabs on Willow when she's in her walkie.

Chapter Ten

Willow moved like lightening.

Katniss began to regret accepting the walkie from Hazel. Willow moved in it like a drag racer, spinning around the living room like a hyperactive puppy. Katniss was trying to get the house back into some order after Peeta had . . . she wasn't going to say 'destroyed' everything during his attack. More like . . . made the place more unruly than it had been the previous day. Willow, however, was making it extremely difficult.

Every time Katniss turned around, the baby would be right behind her, the walkie sitting right up at her heels. Katniss would yelp and nearly fall over it, however Willow remained dubious to the knowledge that every time Katniss was able to catch herself and regain her balance, it meant that she had saved herself from possibly spraining a limb. So she continued to do the same thing anyway.

It took Katniss some time to get the living room back into order. Once she had it sensibly ironed out, she wanted to go up and clean the bathroom. The walkie, however, wouldn't go up the stairs. Katniss watched Willow fly around the sofa, her tiny legs a blur beneath her seat. She knew she was going to have to pick the baby up but scary scenarios kept coming to mind.

-What if I drop her?

-What if she squirms too much and hits her head off the banister?

-What if I trip on the stairs and fall with her in my arms?

-I could kill her!

Katniss shook herself off. Come on, Everdeen! You've done much worse than this! Gathering her senses, Katniss approached Willow and stepped onto the walkie's brake. Willow was confused when the toy refused to move any further and when she felt Katniss' hands under her arms she began to squeal like a piglet.

Katniss pulled a face but hauled Willow out, holding her against her chest the way she did when she had to escape the house. Willow immediately grabbed hold of Katniss' shirt with one fist and snatched her braid with the other, tugging on it like it was a doorbell string.

"Stop that!" Katniss snapped harshly.

Willow stared at her with watery blue eyes and for one terrifying moment, Katniss thought she was going to cry. Thankfully, she didn't. Willow simply loosened her grip on Katniss' hair and thumped her head against her collarbone. Katniss exhaled with relief and carried both baby and walkie up the stairs.

The bathroom was a mess. Katniss felt a tight ball form in her stomach at the unkempt state of the room. It reminded her of when she had burst in and found Willow sobbing in the bathtub. Shaking the memory from her head, Katniss lowered Willow into the walkie and got to work tidying up.

Halfway through, Willow started crying. Katniss scowled at the floor in which she was scrubbing and looked at the baby, who had been happily running up and down the hall before now. "What?" she demanded, as if she expected Willow to understand and answer.

"Da-da," Willow gurgled.

Christ, did she mean Peeta? Katniss groaned and scrubbed the floor harder. Just what they needed. Willow was beginning to think that Peeta was her dad. They had to find a way to get rid of her soon or else she'd be thinking that Katniss was her mum as well, and Katniss wasn't having that!

"Peeta is not your dad," Katniss muttered, taking pleasure in how the dirt was washing away beneath her. It was certainly a good way to relieve stress. "We are not your parents."

Willow ignored Katniss and sniffled pathetically in the doorway of the bathroom. Katniss huffed, the gush of breath blowing her fringe out of her eyes. "If you wait until I'm finished here, I'll take you in to see Peeta," she said.

Willow cocked her head, tears running down her cherry stained cheeks. Confusion was etched over her tiny features.

Katniss sighed. "Da-da," she clarified.

Willow's face brightened up and she started to run up and down the hallway again, merry as can be. Katniss rolled her eyes and returned to her work, finishing off the floor and drying it off with a towel. She pulled the plug out of the bath and drained the water from when Peeta had been bathing Willow. She searched inside the bathroom cabinets until she found some bleach and got to work cleaning the porcelain.

Her mind began to wander as she cleaned. It wouldn't be hard for people to believe that Willow was Peeta's. They had the same general features-blue eyes and blond hair-and both had an upbeat way about them that seemed to be only be trampled by something devastating. Such as The Hunger Games or Tracker Jacker venom.

Katniss wondered what her babies would look like if she had any with Peeta. Would they be blond or brunette? Blue eyed or grey? Or would they be a mix, a new hybrid of both District 12 sectors? Katniss would hope that they took after Peeta because she hated herself enough, she didn't need mini versions of herself reminding her how much of a bad person she was.

Willow banged into a wall and jolted Katniss from her thoughts. She looked under her arm to where the child was backing up and then slamming herself forward into the wall repeatedly. "Willow," Katniss sighed, climbing out of the bath and approaching the baby, "there's a wall in front of you." She turned the walkie in the right direction and gave Willow a small push. Willow continued down the hall, oblivious to the fact that she had ran into a wall at all.

Once Katniss finished up in the bathroom, she opened the door to Peeta's room and allowed Willow to run through. She smiled sheepishly at Peeta, who was still in bed with the icepack on his head. "She wanted to see you," she explained to him.

Willow was so excited to see Peeta that she rammed herself straight into the end of the bed. Katniss jumped, and so did Peeta, neither having expected her to be so reckless. Katniss quickly lifted Willow out and sat her down on the bed at Peeta's feet.

"Hello, sweetie," Peeta beamed as Willow climbed up his body and sat herself on his stomach. She laughed and poked his face with her chubby fingers, somehow delighted just by being granted the chance to see him. "Have you been behaving for Katniss?"

"I think Haymitch may have accidentally dosed her with caffeine," said Katniss, flopping down onto the seat beside Peeta in exhaustion. "She's been running around like a lunatic ever since he left."

Peeta suddenly looked concerned. "Do you want me to get up and give you a hand?" he asked.

"Oh no, no," Katniss quickly replied. "I'm doing alright. I got the living room and the bathroom tidied up. I'll probably start making a dinner soon." The thought of the kitchen and all the complicated pieces of machinery that went into making a dinner came into her mind and she winced. "I'll probably start microwaving a dinner soon," she corrected.

"There should be some lamb stew left," said Peeta. "I bought quite a few tins."

Katniss was relieved. She could make lamb stew. She'd watched Peeta and Greasy Sae do it enough times. "How's your head?" she asked.

"Still feels like it's stuffed with cotton socks," Peeta answered honestly.

"Let me see," Katniss moved his hand away from the bump on his head. It was still a little swollen but not as badly. It didn't look as red as it had done before either. "It's definitely looking better anyways."

"I keep drifting in and out of sleep," Peeta told her. "I know I shouldn't be but I barely notice sometimes."

Katniss bit her lip. "Maybe you should come downstairs with me." Peeta was already sitting up, all but too ready to help. She laid a hand on his arm. "And I mean to rest on the sofa, not run after Willow for me."

Peeta looked reluctant but agreed anyway. Katniss picked Willow off of him and deposited her in her walkie. She then took Peeta's hand and helped him out of bed (in case he took a light head once on his feet).

"Now be careful," Katniss said as she ushered Willow out of the room again. "Willow's fast in this thing and she'll be behind you before you even realize she's not in front of you anymore."

They made their way downstairs. Katniss held Willow and kept one hand outstretched behind her in case Peeta took a dizzy turn. Peeta carried the walkie for her. As soon as they were down in the living room, Katniss immediately banished Peeta to the sofa and returned Willow to her own devices in the walkie.

Katniss liked the kitchen. She could keep an eye on everything from there. The living room was directly in front of her so she could see Peeta lying on the sofa and Willow was easily heard by the scraping of her wheels against the wooden floor panels. Katniss opened the tin of lamb stew and threw it into a bowl, stuffing it into the microwave and setting it off to cook.

"Here, let me take that." She weaved around the kitchen islet and went to take the wet tea towel that had once held the ice off of Peeta. Willow suddenly flew out in front of Katniss and she yelped, coming to a sudden stop to let her by and tripping into the sofa as she soon as she'd passed.

Peeta caught Katniss quickly before she fell over completely. Katniss met his eyes sheepishly and smiled, her face turning hot at the fact that she had all but fallen into him. "I meant to do that," she quickly explained.

"Oh, of course," Peeta replied back. He chuckled as Katniss lowered herself to her knees (the only way she was going to be able to get up sensibly) on the floor. "My dad used to say that Rye did that. Except we didn't have a walkie so he'd just crawl up behind them and grab their trousers or my mum's socks."

Katniss laughed and took the wet cloth from him. "I think I remember Prim doing that too . . ." She stopped. Primrose's memory still wasn't completely stable in Katniss' head. She felt like sometimes she could talk about her sister all day but the next minute she could feel like even uttering Primrose's nickname would cause her to break down.

Peeta saw this. "It's okay to talk about them, you know," he said gently.

"But they're dead," Katniss whispered hoarsely.

"Only if we allow them to be," Peeta replied. "They only way we can keep them alive is in our memories. If we don't then they'll most certainly die for good."

"But she was so young," Katniss covered her mouth with her hand, tears welling up in her eyes. "It should have been me."

Peeta sat up on the sofa and drew Katniss close to him. She leaned into him and started to cry, her fingers latching onto him where ever she could grab. She couldn't lose anyone else and there was still an irrational fear that lay within her that she was going to lose Peeta as well. Someway . . . somehow . . . he was going to vanish. Just like Gale. Just like her mother. Just like Primrose and her father.

"It shouldn't have been anyone," Peeta said. He stroked Katniss' hair in that loving way of his, his spare hand gently rubbing her back to comfort her. "Nobody deserves to die so young."

"I want her back, Peeta," Katniss whispered.

"I know," Peeta answered. "I miss my family too."

Katniss shook a little in Peeta's arms, purging herself of the tears she'd been bottling since Willow arrived. When the microwave went ding! Peeta made a move to get it himself because he didn't think she'd be up for it. Katniss shook her head and stood up. "I've got it," she muttered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

She scraped the stew into two bowls and returned to the living room. They sat beside each other in silence, the only sound being the scraping of the utensils against the bottom of the bowls.

"I'm sorry," Katniss eventually said.

"For what?" asked Peeta.

"For doing that."

Peeta raised his eyebrows. "Crying?" he asked.

"It's selfish of me to wallow," said Katniss. "There are people who lost everything. I only lost my sister . . ." Even the words hurt to say.

"Your sister meant the world to you," Peeta reminded her.

"But you lost your brothers and your parents," Katniss replied. "My mother is still alive. I mean, I know people said you didn't have a very strong relationship with your brothers and I've seen first-hand what it was like with your mother but that doesn't mean you miss them any less"-

"Katniss," Peeta intercepted, "I miss my family every day. I don't know what gave you the idea that my relationship with my brothers hadn't been strong . . . but I had a good relationship with them. It just wasn't maybe as strong as the sort you had with Prim. Family only stretched a particular length and I didn't blame either of them when I was reaped for the Hunger Games and neither volunteered. I didn't expect them too."

Katniss felt guilty for just assuming that the relationship he had with his brothers was weak. She had just never seen them together and then when Peeta was reaped . . . and then when they won and she never saw them in the Village once . . .

"I miss my family every day," Peeta repeated. "But life goes on and I've learned to live with the guilt."

"I wish I was as strong as you," Katniss muttered miserably.

"You are," Peeta said firmly. "We all heal at different rates. Some people take longer than others. After everything you've been through, I think you deserve a bit longer than the rest of us to heal."

"But you went through more than me!" Katniss protested. "You still have evidence of your torture!"

"So do you," Peeta replied. He held Katniss' hands, stroking the damaged skin with the pad of his thumb.

"Maybe we're both as damaged as each other," Katniss sniffed.

Peeta chuckled. "Maybe we are."

Katniss stared at their joined hands. "Does it hurt?" she asked quietly. 

"Not as much as it used to," Peeta answered honestly. "District 13 helped me a lot in that regard. Regular doses of Morphling helped me adjust to living with the pain." He raised his eyebrows and sighed. "Man, I wish they prescribed that stuff."

Katniss laughed. "Yeah, I do too," she replied. Being given Morpling had been a god send, especially when she had been shot in District 2. However, both her and Peeta were lucky to not have gotten addicted like the Morphlings from District 6 and Johanna. It was a hard habit to kick and in times as hard as these, it would be impossible to get a hold of.

Willow bumped into the sofa and began to whimper. Peeta reached over with a sigh and lifted her out, settling her down between himself and Katniss. Willow liked her new dwelling and expressed this through a burp before closing her eyes to sleep.

"I don't want you worrying about me," Peeta said. "I don't want you trying to imagine what happened in the Capitol; to fit what you saw that day with different scenarios to build a picture of what they did to me . . . It's not good for you. Especially when you've started progressing so well."

"I think it's become clear that I am always going to worry about you, Peeta," Katniss muttered. She didn't say this miserably. In fact, she felt good to admit to herself that she still cared about him. Katniss was still staring at their joined hands. She could feel Peeta's blue eyes burning into her. "I don't want to lose you," she admitted. "I can't lose anyone else."

"I'm not going to go anywhere," Peeta said kindly.

"I understand that you would never leave me willingly, Peeta," Katniss replied. "But there may come a day where you decide that it would be better-especially if you take another hijacking attack." She looked at him seriously. It was Peeta's turn to look away. "You would leave if it meant ensuring my safety even though I'll be lost again if you do."

"You know I would never put you in danger Katniss"-

"On purpose," Katniss pressed. "If you ever hurt me, it would be by accident. I don't want you to leave me if this gets worse. I want you to trust me to be able to look after you. I can't shake it from my head that if the hijacking drives you away, Snow somehow has won." Katniss' breath caught in her throat. "And I can't handle that."

Peeta's eyes drifted to Willow. He pet her hair fondly as she slept. "Snow has not won," he murmured. "He lost long ago."

"Is that your way of saying you don't trust me?" Katniss asked, her heart in her throat.

"Of course I trust you," Peeta replied, looking at Katniss desperately, his eyes pleading with her to understand. "You don't understand how hard it is for me to live with the guilt of what I've done. I killed innocent people when I had my attacks."

"I killed innocent people when I was of a sound mind," Katniss fired back acidly. "I understand what guilt feels like!" The first person that came to mind was that woman whose house they had broken into. Katniss had shot her without thinking twice about it. Sometimes it was all she could think about.

Peeta pinned her down with a firm gaze. The sort that made Katniss feel like she was the only person he ever saw. "I tried to kill you," he said pointedly, his voice weak.

Katniss, despite her fear of intimacy, reached out and touched his shoulder gently. "You can't keep blaming yourself for that," she said firmly. "I have forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself now."

"I can't ever . . ." Peeta shook his head. ". . . Forgive myself for hurting you like that."

"Peeta, please," Katniss begged. "Look at me, I'm alive. We both are. We're healthy and living. You can't keep blaming yourself forever. The past . . . . It's done with . . ."

Peeta rubbed an exhausted hand over his face. "We survived . . . Real or not real?" he asked tiredly.

Katniss nodded rapidly. "Real," she answered.

They hugged. Katniss tightened her arms around Peeta and buried her face into his neck, desperately trying to pour her feelings into that one piece of intimacy. She knew that Peeta was going to need a lot of convincing to prove to himself that he didn't deserve the harsh treatment he was giving himself. However, she thought that if she insisted then he'd relent. But he didn't.

They sometimes say that the person who will treat you the worst will always be yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:   
> Updates on all my works can be found on my twitter: https://twitter.com/BBerrychills94   
> You can also follow me on Instagram if you want: https://www.instagram.com/erinluuvsbooks94/  
> Let me know you're a reader of my work and I'll be sure to follow back! :D
> 
> Want to read more of my stuff? Check out my other fanfiction accounts!  
> Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/blueberrychills94  
> Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6047973/
> 
> Thank you for every read; comment and kudos! Your support means the world to me! :)


	11. Poor Dandelion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss leaves Willow in Haymitch's hands so she can help Leevy with more rebuilding.

Chapter Eleven

Katniss watched the children playing on the streets of the Village through her bedroom window. The rain had stopped a couple of hours previous and almost immediately the kids came out to play games outside. Some of them must have been the medic's children, for they had small idiosyncrasies that showed that they were Capitol born. Whether it be a lilt to their vowels or a pattern tattooed to their arms (yes, some of these kids were below the age of ten and had tattoos), there was always something that made them stand out.

But the other kids didn't care.

There's that saying that no one is born a racist. It's true. If a baby was born white but wasn't raised by anyone black, until they are taught that being black is something to judge a person on-which it obviously isn't-then they will believe that they are just like them. Which ultimately, they are. It's how they're raised; what their parents tell them that ultimately define how they treat people.

The kids on the streets were all below the age of twelve. Below reaping age. They were still developing. They didn't know enough about the rebellion or the Capitol to treat the medics' children any differently to those from their own District. All they knew was that they were children and they wanted to play with them. And the more the merrier.

Katniss watched the children for a while. She didn't know what to make of it. The innocence that came hand in hand with these youngsters' ability to play without cause of worry made her feel like maybe there was faith in humanity after all. But to admit something like that to herself would mean having to also admit that if faith could be restored, so could life. Katniss wasn't sure if she was ready to restore her life completely just yet. One step forward, two steps back.

Willow had taken more baby steps than Katniss had.

Leevy appeared from around the corner. Katniss suddenly remembered what she had told Haymitch. That if Leevy came looking for her then he could come and look after Willow while Peeta continued to rest. Katniss moved away from the window and crossed her room to the phone that rested on her bedside table. She picked up the receiver and held it to her ear, dialling the number to Haymitch's house.

"Hello?" her mentor gruffly replied.

"Leevy is heading my way if you want to come to look after Willow," Katniss told him.

"I'll be over in a jiffy, sweetheart," Haymitch answered.

As Katniss put the phone down, she was struck-not for the first time-by how odd it was that Haymitch was so willing to look after Willow. Katniss would have thought he hated children, after the countless amount he had sent to their deaths when he was supposed to be 'mentoring' them.

It was very odd.

Katniss pulled on a jacket and pulled on a pair of trainers. She glanced out the window and saw Leevy looking at the picture of the boys-he had pink hair with gold tips-had drawn. She was talking to him like she had known the kid all his life. Katniss wished that being sociable came as easily to her as it did to others like Leevy. She wished she could say that she would be capable of showing interest in what the children were doing, but ultimately she couldn't. She just . . . couldn't.

Katniss went into Peeta's room to tell him that she was going out. "Haymitch is coming over to look after Willow," she told him.

Peeta nodded. The forty eight hours without sleep were beginning to take their toll on him. For the whole day he had pretty much just laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. Willow was sleeping in her basket by his bed. If she had started crying, Katniss would have heard it in her room and would have come to help.

"Do you need anything before I go?" Katniss asked. "An ice pack or some water?"

"I'm fine," Peeta replied, so exhausted that every word dragged out slowly.

"Broderick is visiting later to check your progress so hopefully you'll be able to sleep tonight," Katniss said.

"'Kay," Peeta vaguely answered.

Katniss wished there was more she could do. She hauled Willow's basket up into her arms, careful not to wake Willow herself, and left the room without another word. There wasn't anything else she could do. If she could magic away the concussion-or even take it on her heard instead-then she would. But until she gains such abilities, there was nothing she could really do except keep Peeta well fed and hydrated until Broderick came to check his progress.

As Katniss was thumping down the stairs, there was a knock on the door. She hurried down the final three and left Willow's basket sitting on the couch. Haymitch stood in the doorway, with Leevy a couple of yards behind.

"Thank you for offering to do this," Katniss said to him.

"It's no bother. It's not like I have anything better to do," Haymitch grinned.

Katniss smiled and slipped past him so they had switched places in the doorway. "Peeta's in his room. He's very drowsy because he's went so long without sleep; I'd keep a good eye on him. Willow doesn't seem unsettled or anything either. She may wake for her feed soon but that should be all the bother you'll get from her," she explained to him.

Haymitch's grin remained constant on his face. "You sound like such a housewife," he teased.

"Shut up," Katniss replied, smacking his arm with faux anger. "Do you know how to make up a bottle?"

"Yes, I do," Haymitch confirmed.

"And Hazel managed to send over some diapers. Do you know how to change one?" Katniss continued.

"Uh-huh," Haymitch answered.

Katniss racked her mind for anything else she may have to do but when she found nothing she sighed and nodded. "Okay then. Look after them both. Please. She's our responsibility and he is all I've got," she insisted.

"I will, sweetheart, I promise," Haymitch answered. "Go work hard."

Katniss nodded. She turned away and hopped down the porch stairs to meet Leevy.

"Hey Katniss," she smiled.

"Hi Leevy," Katniss answered.

As they set off, Leevy gave Katniss a status report. "Obviously the weather has set us back a little but thankfully not as badly as we had feared. If we work as hard as we have been then it's possible that the Apothecary will be dug up within the next week or so. That's when the builders take over to actually start the . . . well . . . building bit."

Katniss began to think about what they were going to do with their time once the Apothecary was dug up. She didn't want to go back to moping around the house. Reverting back that far would be too big of a waste. She had progressed so well, and she'd made Peeta so proud of her, she didn't want to throw all that away.

Peeta . . .

"Is there any news on what's being done with the Bakery?" Katniss asked.

Leevy shrugged, looking remorseful. "Peeta is still deemed mentally unwell. Rumours have been flying around that he . . . well . . . took an . . . attack." She whispered the final word like she was fearful that the children they were passing would overhear it. "Is it true? I'd rather hear the truth from you than anyone else."

Katniss wondered who spread it. Was it the girl she had spoken to before being directed to Broderick? Had it been Broderick himself? Had someone inside the house overheard what Katniss was talking about and started making up stories? "It's true," Katniss answered. "But he's fine now."

"I don't doubt it. Peeta's a fighter. If only he were strong enough to beat whatever that horrid man had done to him," said Leevy.

"He is strong!" Katniss snapped, taking immediate offense to this statement. She immediately regretted it and shook her head. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap."

"I understand," Leevy answered. "I shouldn't have worded it the way I did. I didn't mean that he was incapable or weak. I just meant that I wish he could be cured. We all wish he could be cured. It's annoying to think of people being frightened of such a gentle soul."

Katniss couldn't have put it better herself. She thought it weird that Peeta was feared by others because of his hijacking. He had tried to kill her and she still wasn't afraid of him. "He's a teddy bear, really," Katniss said, a smile tugging at her lips.

Leevy laughed. "I'm sure," she replied. As they passed the children playing in middle of the road, Leevy asked, "Where you thinking of doing something with the bakery?"

Katniss shook her head. "I couldn't do it without Peeta's permission."

"What were you thinking of?" asked Leevy.

Katniss shrugged. "I was just thinking of digging it up and rebuilding it ourselves. As a surprise to Peeta. But if he owns the land then I probably can't do it without his permission," she explained.

Leevy hummed thoughtfully. "You may count as a next of kin. Due to Peeta's recent attack, maybe you can take responsibility for his land for a while. You would have to be completely sure that that is something he would want done with where the bakery used to sit, though. There's no point rebuilding the bakery for him to see it and say, 'This isn't what I wanted. It's too painful for me.'"

Katniss knew that Leevy was right. It was quite possible that Peeta wouldn't want a Mellark's Bakery 2.0. Maybe he just wanted it all left alone. But how would Katniss pose such a question to him without arousing suspicion? It would have to be casually slipped into a conversation, not brought to him immediately as a question. Katniss blew her hair out of her eyes but nodded with determination. She'd manage. Even if she was a shit actress.

"With everything he has gone through-if it's something that he wants-I think he deserves it," Katniss said, feeling a need to explain herself. "I want him to feel what . . . what I feel when he helps me. Like the sun has pierced through the rain clouds."

Leevy nodded. She touched Katniss' arm sympathetically. "I understand," she said. "But what if you're his sun that has pierced through the rain clouds?"

Katniss scoffed. "No," she denied, shaking her head. "I couldn't be. I don't do anything."

"Is it because you're not blond? Because you don't need to be blond to have sun-like qualities," Leevy said.

This made Katniss laugh.

Katniss worked hard for the remainder of the day with Leevy. They took a fifteen minute break mid-afternoon and had some lemonade with Thom. Thom apologized again for being unable to help with Willow. Katniss assured him that it was fine. Willow wasn't really that huge of a bother anymore. In fact, if Peeta wasn't unwell and she wasn't suffering mood swings, Katniss wouldn't have minded keeping her for the six months until the roads opened. However, she wasn't going to put Willow at risk. They had to keep looking for some sort of option.

"Something will come up," Leevy had said. "It has to."

As Katniss had picked up her spade and continued to work, she could only hope that Leevy was right.

~xXx~

"Broderick dropped by while you were away," Haymitch explained in living room upon Katniss' return. Willow was nestled beside him, sucking her thumb with droopy eyes. It was almost comical how comfortable they looked around each other. Maybe Willow would do Haymitch some good. "He gave Peeta the all clear to fall asleep. I don't even think the man had the sentence finished a second before the boy went unconscious."

Katniss laughed. Peeta deserved some sleep after the past few days he'd had. "Will you keep an eye on Willow while I go up to check on him?" she asked.

Haymitch saluted with a goofy grin. "No problem, boss," he replied.

As Haymitch had said, when Katniss entered Peeta's room he was out like a light. Katniss smiled fondly as she approached. He looked the same way she remembered while he slept. Eyebrows slightly creased; mouth opened the tiniest of bits; miniature snores emanating from his sleeping form. It was nice for Katniss to be assured that he was the same as he was before. She had already known this, of course, but being given a visual incentive was helpful too.

Katniss reached out and pushed Peeta's hair back from his eyes. Sometimes, not even while he slept, his hair would fall in messy clumps over his eyes. Katniss had always liked it in that wild form because if it didn't flutter over his eyes in golden chunks, then it usually meant that the Capitol Stylists had been at it, ridding it of its natural movement.

She passed her thumb over the bottom of his eyelid, where a small scar resided. She dreaded to think where it came from. It didn't look like the mark of a brutal torture. More like an injection site. The question still had to be asked though: An injection of what?

Katniss peeked at the bump on Peeta's head. It was looking well, much better than it had been a couple of days prior. She tugged the quilt further up his body, making sure he kept warm. "My poor dandelion," she sighed. "I'll protect you."

She didn't ever think she had a purpose once the rebellion ended. She realized now that she did. Protect those that she cared about because they needed her just as much as she need them.


	12. Johanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Peeta is baking, Katniss visits his house to fetch an ingredient for him.

Chapter Twelve

Katniss could see that Peeta was glad to be back on his feet. Never mind hijacking attacks or concussions, the time he spent in bed killed him. He needed to be involved, not standing on the side lines, and as soon as the next morning came he was up and at 'em. Refreshed and revitalised.

"You're clearly feeling better," Katniss laughed as she watched Peeta practically dance around the kitchen. He was baking, completely in his element, looking just at home in the kitchen as he did in his own bakery.

"Yep," Peeta responded. The bump on his head was still visible from the top of his hair but it clearly wasn't affecting him anymore. If it had been, he'd have been chewing the counters instead of flying around them. "I just woke up this morning and had this almost desperate urge to bake something. Something different, something I haven't done for a while."

It was clear that 'a while' meant before the reaping. Before things descended into chaos. Katniss had only ever eaten Peeta's cheese buns and bread so she was curious about what else he was able to whip up with his magic hands. Willow was using the plastic table of her walkie to colour in a page with some crayons the children across the road let her have. She was clearly very invested in her job of making it as colourful as possible because she was immensely concentrated on the crayons and the paper and nothing else.

"So what are you going to bake?" Katniss asked, tilting her head to get a better look at the green blob Willow was scribbling.

"I was thinking maybe a Black Forest Gateau," Peeta answered. When their eyes locked and Katniss quirked an eyebrow at him, he turned red and sheepishly admitted, "It's basically just a cake, I was trying to sound posh."

Katniss laughed. Willow laughed too, clearly not wishing to be left out. "Black Forest?" she asked.

"Black meaning chocolate sponge with cherries and cream," Peeta elaborated.

"Ah, I see," said Katniss. She had to admit, ever since the rebellion had ended she had been craving some good, old fashioned chocolate. "Do you have the ingredients for it?"

This time it was Peeta's turn to quirk an eyebrow. "I always have a stocked kitchen," he said seriously.

Katniss pulled a face. "Oooh, pardon me for questioning your baking ethic," she teased.

"You're pardoned," Peeta grinned.

Katniss stood up and crossed the living room to join him in the kitchen. She could hear the wheels of Willow's walkie scraping the floor behind her, clearly announcing that the child was following her. "I would offer my help but I doubt I'd be much use to you," she said. She scratched her head thoughtfully. "Unless you need a fetcher?"

"You could go to my house and see if you can find any cherries in the pantry," Peeta suggested.

"Sure, I'll do that," Katniss said. Peeta tossed her his keys. She caught them and headed to the door. "See you in a minute!"

It was a little chilly outside, the aftermath of the storm still lingering in the air. When Katniss went down the porch steps and looked to the sky, she could see another dark cloud rolling in. Just perfect. Rolling her eyes and sighing, Katniss crossed her garden which gave way to Haymitch's without a fence or sign of division. The grass just moulded from one garden to the next.

As usual, Haymitch sat in his chair on the porch. "What'cha up to?" he asked.

"Peeta is baking a Black Forest Gateau," Katniss said, putting on a posh accent to annunciate how regal it sounded. "And he needs cherries."

"Are you sure that's what you're doing or are you really going to shift through his underwear drawer?" Haymitch smirked.

Katniss scowled and dropped the accent like a hot potato. "Shut up!" she exclaimed. "I've got his keys! I'm not breaking in like some Keyhole Kathy!"

"Whatever you say, honey," Haymitch said, his eyes fluttering closed in contentment.

"Someday I'm going to cover that man in peanut butter and lock him in the basement with a poodle," Katniss muttered to herself as she stomped up Peeta's porch steps. She stabbed the key into the hole and twisted it, pushing the door open a moment later.

Peeta's house was cleaner than Katniss'. Even with her sudden desire to clean everything in her home, it didn't hold a candle to Peeta's place. Maybe it was because her house was being lived in more than his at the moment. Whatever the reason was, Katniss quite liked it. There was a hint of cinnamon in the air and she sniffed it in greedily. Peeta usually smelled of what he had last baked so Katniss made a mental note to ask him to make something cinnamon orientated. Bring some of that delicious scent to her own house.

Katniss entered the kitchen and went straight to the pantry. She shifted through the food inside until she found a plastic packet of cherries at the back. There was a Capitol Seal on the plastic so this had obviously came from before the rebellion. She checked the dates, just to be sure, and was relieved to see they were still ok. She was curious now about this gateau and didn't want to have an obstacle to hold Peeta back from making it.

As she was leaving again, the phone rang. Katniss jumped in surprise. Should she answer it? Surely Peeta had missed many calls since he had been living with her. But what if it was important? Katniss reached out and wrapped her fingers around the receiver. Before she could second guess herself, she pulled it off and the ringing stopped.

"Hello, Mellark's Residence?" she said, cringing to herself.

"Katniss?!"

Katniss frowned. "Johanna?"

"Katniss, ya bitch! It's a travesty that we haven't had a chance to talk!" Johanna exclaimed. "What have you been doing? Are you living with Peeta now? Have you both finally admitted your hot, passionate love for each other?"

"Um . . . I've been good. Er, no, I'm not. And no, we haven't," Katniss answered unsurely. "You?"

"Other than a slightly accelerated heartbeat caused by the fact that you answered the phone? Nothing," said Johanna. "I've been wanting to talk to you for ages now!"

"You have?" asked Katniss dubiously.

"Yeah. But Peeta didn't want to disturb you. Said you were 'healing' or whatever."

Katniss sighed. Of course he did. Peeta didn't want to overwhelm her by giving Johanna the phone number to her house and possibly stressing her out more. Especially in the time when they just sat in their houses, too busy dealing with their personal demons to make contact with one another.

"What have you been doing with yourself, Johanna?" Katniss asked.

She wasn't surprised to hear genuine sincerity in her voice. While in District 13, both girls had gotten extremely close. Especially while forcing themselves to train to get on the squad that went into the Capitol. Johanna had been Katniss' rock when Peeta couldn't be. Even though she had had a harsher approach, Katniss had still appreciated the girl's support and tried to return it as best as she could.

"Not much," Johanna sighed dramatically. "I was brought back to District 7 after the ripples of Coin's death settled-nice job, by the way, I never got to say that to you-but since inter-District travel has shut down until further notice while roads are being built to supplement the train tracks I haven't budged."

"How is your . . ." Katniss trailed off, trying to find the best way to put it.

"Aquaphobia?" asked Johanna. "Oh yeah, it has a swanky name and everything now. Be impressed, Everdeen, be very impressed."

Katniss actually found herself smiling. Johanna was the sort of person who could say what she had for breakfast and somehow manage to make you happier than you were five minutes before. "Yeah, that," she said. "How are you coping?"

"Alright, I guess. I've had a couple of showers since I got home but I mainly still wash by the sink. I know people are just being polite by not pointing it out but I know for a fact that I reek. Especially after working my butt off all day clearing away the remains."

"Remains?" asked Katniss.

A pause. "Yeah," Johanna said. "They burned the trees down, Katniss."

Katniss felt sick. She leaned against the wall beside the phone for balance. "All of them?" she asked.

"A good portion of 'em," Johanna answered. "We won't be sending lumber out to anyone for years now. Going to have to find an alternative. It was nobody's fault, the only guy we can blame is dead now from laughing too hard. What a fucking way to go, huh? I wanted the bastard to die slowly, not happily."

Katniss felt worry rise within her like an illness. "Do you think I chose to shoot the wrong person?" she asked.

Johanna snorted. "No," she answered.

A silence grew between them. Katniss didn't know what to say, her thoughts were suddenly crowded with memories of shooting Coin. How she had made the snap decision and did it without really thinking it. How it also lead to Snow's demise . . .

"How's the rebuilding of 12 been? You guys probably have more work to do than us?" Johanna finally asked, snapping Katniss from her thoughts so suddenly she almost jolted in surprise. "What with the bombing and shit."

"We're working slowly but surely," Katniss explained, glad for the distraction. "I don't think we're going to be finished for a while but at least we're getting stuff done. I've been helping clear away the remains of the Apothecary."

"Apothecary? Why do you care about that? I saw you in your first Games, you're no nurse," Johanna frowned.

"It used belong to my mother's family," Katniss elaborated. "It's the closest thing I have to her now."

"Where is she?" Johanna asked, sympathy in her voice.

Katniss shrugged, even though Johanna couldn't see it. "I don't know," she answered.

Johanna could sense that they were approaching dangerous territory and quickly diverted from it. "What about Peeta? Are they allowing him to have his land yet?" she asked. "You don't have to listen to me rant about how disgusting it is that they won't let him work but if you want I can run through the main points that I have expressed on several occasions to Peeta."

Katniss shook her head. "No, that's not necessary. I probably have the same thoughts as you," she said. "But . . . no, they aren't letting him have his land yet. There was . . . an incident recently."

"An incident?" Johanna repeated, concern etching her tone. "You mean an attack?"

"Yeah," Katniss answered, her voice tight. "He's fine. We're both fine. However, it has probably set him back in terms of Plutarch allowing him to work. I think they still think he's going to try to bury people alive if he gets ill enough. They don't see to realize that . . . that . . . it's me he'll hurt if he takes an attack. No one else."

"They're stupid that way," Johanna huffed. "So why are you in Peeta Bread's house?"

"I was just collecting some cherries from his pantry," Katniss answered. She quite liked the nickname Peeta Bread. It was cute. "He's baking a cake."

"Wait, so where is he?"

"At my house."

"Okay, new question, why is he at your house?" Johanna rephrased.

Katniss opened her mouth and closed it again. "Baking," she said pathetically.

Johanna scoffed. "Yeah, I got that bit," she said. "But is it a permanent thing; are you guys sleeping together again; or . . . what?"

"I, uh, it's complicated," Katniss answered.

"I gathered. Everything about you two is blooming complicated," Johanna chuckled. "Please do decipher some of the complexities with me, Katniss."

"A baby . . . got left on our doorstep," Katniss explained, scratching her head sheepishly. "Peeta was going to look after it on his own until we could find somewhere for it to go but that wouldn't have worked. Not with his . . . you know. So we've been looking after it in my house. Looking after her in my house. We assume the parent-probably the mother-fled the District as soon as she dropped Willow off. Made off somewhere else to start a single life or something . . ."

"Well, I'll be damned," Johanna laughed. "Girl or boy?"

Katniss smiled. "Girl," she said fondly.

"Is there a name?"

"Yes, Willow."

Johanna hummed. "When was she dropped off?" she asked.

"Couple of weeks ago," Katniss replied.

"So . . . after construction started?"

"Uh-huh."

"After the roads closed?"

"Yeah."

"Katniss, don't you know what that means?" Johanna insisted.

Katniss frowned. "What does it mean?" she asked.

Johanna sighed. "Willow was dropped off at your house after the roads closed. Inter-district travel is forbidden until the roads are rebuilt. Katniss, don't you see? If everything you have just said is true then . . . Willow's mother couldn't possibly have left the District."

Katniss' stomach dropped as the pieces slid into place. Oh god. Johanna was 100% correct.

Willow's mother was still in 12.


	13. Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss returns to her house to tell Peeta about what Johanna has told her.

Chapter Thirteen

Katniss walked back to her house, almost in a trance. She felt almost . . . shell shocked. Like the news Johanna had just given was something she had been dreading ever since Willow had been left on her doorstep. Which was ludicrous. This was the sort of news she had been waiting for since the beginning. So why did she feel so sick?

As soon as she entered the house, she was met with Willow's giggles and Peeta's laughs. It made her stomach churn. She shuffled into the kitchen. Peeta had pinned Willow's drawing to the fridge and Willow was pointing at it and laughing. She grabbed another crayon and went speeding off into the living room again, practically soaring in her little walkie.

"Did I have any cherries?" Peeta asked. The way he was smiling made Katniss want to turn around and run away. She didn't know how to break this to him. He did say that he wanted to find Willow's family too. However, Katniss never believed that he wouldn't find it hard. And after everything that had been going on over the past few days this wasn't the sort of news that he needed.

Katniss wordlessly handed over the cherries. She could see Peeta's confusion at her silence. His frown was small but she spotted it. She looked away from him, her eyes falling onto the chocolate mixture in the mixing bowl. It looked so tempting, even in its sloppy form. Maybe it was just because she hadn't had chocolate in what felt like years. It had hardly been a priority but now that she was faced by it, she felt the overwhelming urge to stick her face in it and eat it all before it was even cooked properly.

"Johanna called," Katniss said, her eyes locked on the bowl of chocolate.

"She did?" asked Peeta. "What did she say?"

"She was asking about you," Katniss muttered.

Peeta opened the cherries but left them on the counter. He put both hands on the islet and stared at Katniss. She felt his eyes on her even when she wasn't looking at him. "There's something wrong," Peeta stated.

"Is there?" Katniss asked.

"You look distressed," Peeta said.

"I do?" Katniss replied.

Peeta closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Katniss frowned, breaking her gaze from the bowl to stare at him. When he exhaled and opened his eyes again, he said, "Please don't be vague like that. If there's something wrong you need to tell me so I can help you."

"How do you know there's anything wrong?" Katniss challenged.

"Because I know you," Peeta answered. "And you're upset. What happened?" Katniss walked around the islet and hugged Peeta. She didn't know why she wanted to do this but the action came so naturally to her that it felt like second nature. "Now I definitely know there's something wrong."

"We're idiots," Katniss muttered into his chest.

"Tell me something I don't know," Peeta weakly replied. His arms came around Katniss and held her securely, worry beginning to set in for him.

"Willow's mother is still in the District," Katniss said.

There was a pause that felt like it stretched for a thousand years after she said this. Katniss listened to Peeta's breathing, to his heart which was fluttering like a butterfly inside of him. She was worried about how he was going to react. Would he be upset? Broken hearted? Devastated? She didn't want Peeta to be sad. She wouldn't be able to take it.

"Do we know where to find her?" Peeta asked.

Katniss couldn't detect what he was feeling from his voice. "No," she said.

"I see," said Peeta. "At least we know what we can do for Willow now. Our search distance isn't as large anymore."

"I suppose," Katniss murmured despondently. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay," Peeta replied, rubbing Katniss' back comfortingly. "Finding Willow's family is a priority. We just need to figure out where we can start looking . . ."

Katniss frowned. She pulled back to look him in the eyes. "You aren't upset or anything?" she implored, confused by Peeta's obvious indifference.

"I'm a little sad that we'll have to give Willow back. However, it's better to do what's right than to try to satisfy yourself," Peeta said. "Besides, I'm not going to hand her over just like that. I want to be sure that her mother is going to look after her. She left Willow on her doorstep once, she could easily do it again. Maybe she doesn't even want Willow back at all. Her note made that pretty clear."

Katniss never thought of that. "Do you think she won't take her back from us?" she asked.

Peeta shrugged. They broke apart from their hug. "It's a possibility," he said.

Katniss didn't know how she felt about that. Was it a good thing or a bad thing that Willow's mother might reject her? She was confused by the different emotions she was feeling towards the baby that she had once been terrified of. She didn't want to think about it. Not when she had been having such a happy morning.

Katniss shook herself off and stepped back from Peeta. "So, Black Forest Gateau, huh?" she said.

Peeta grinned. "Yeah," he said, grabbing the packet of cherries again. "Hopefully you'll love it."

Katniss watched Peeta bake the cake for the rest of the morning. They chatted about unimportant things, occasionally teased each other and had small disputes about things they disagreed on. One of them ending with Katniss flicking flour into Peeta's face. It stayed there for the rest of the morning, stuck in his hair and eyebrows. It was a good look for him.

"Can you make something with cinnamon in it?" Katniss asked. "Next time, I mean."

Peeta was crouched in front of the oven, putting the cake bases inside. She could see his reflection when he shut the oven door. He was frowning, slightly perplexed. "Sure, I guess," he said. "Why?"

"I just like cinnamon," Katniss shrugged, sheepishly picking at her clothes.

"I could make cinnamon rolls, if you like," Peeta answered.

Katniss chuckled. "You're a cinnamon roll," she joked.

Peeta laughed. When he tried to stand up from his crouched position, his leg gave out from underneath him and he fell back down. "Peeta!" Katniss yelped, practically leaping over the islet to reach him on the other side. "Are you okay?"

"It's fine," Peeta replied, grabbing the top of the islet and using the leverage to pull himself to his feet. Katniss' arms were outstretched in front of her in case he fell again. "My bad leg has just been playing up, that's all."

"Maybe you should take the prosthetic off for a bit," said Katniss. "Do you have to do that? Let the air around the . . . end . . . or something?"

Peeta shook his head. "I'm fine. It's fine."

"At least sit down," Katniss insisted, taking his arm and walking him to the living room. "You still aren't completely recovered anyways." As Peeta reluctantly sat down on the sofa, Katniss frowned. "Didn't you have a stick? I remember you having a stick when you first got the prosthetic fitted. Maybe you need it again. Do you still have it?"

"Probably somewhere," Peeta muttered, not liking the sound of that idea at all. Katniss knew from day one that he hated being treated like an invalid. It didn't help that now he was being treated even more so like that because of his hijacking issues. He ditched the cane as soon as he could and never used it since. Katniss had thought it was because he had gotten the hang of walking but she began to wonder if it was for different reasons . . .

"I'll call Doctor Aurelius, see if he knows anything that would help," Katniss decided.

"Don't!" Peeta blurted out.

Katniss raised her eyebrows at him, surprised by his outburst.

"Sorry," Peeta quickly said. "I just know what he'll say."

"And that is . . . ?"

Peeta looked at his leg in disgust. "Take it off," he muttered.

"Oh okay. Then we'll do that then," said Katniss, taking a step back towards the sofa.

"Katniss," Peeta said, alarming her with how firm his voice was, "don't you dare come any closer."

Katniss froze. She instantly knew what was up. "But it's me," she said. "Surely you know I would never . . . You can trust me to do this for you."

When she saw how distressed this topic was clearing making Peeta, she came to an ultimatum. She knew that to prove to Peeta that he could trust her to do something so personal and intimate for him, she'd have to prove that she trusted him to do the same thing for her. She turned around and went up the stairs, going to the bathroom and grabbing the ointment that Aurelius sent to her for her burns.

Heart pounding so hard Katniss could hear it in her ears, she rejoined Peeta on the sofa and sat down beside him. "Here," she said, handing him the jar.

"What is this?" asked Peeta.

"My burn ointment," Katniss answered. Taking a shaky breath, she turned around and pulled her shirt up, revealing the withered skin beneath. The damage that the flames had done to her body was irreversible but Aurelius' treatment helped her keep a handle on it. "I've never been able to put it on my back because I can't reach it. You can do it for me."

"Katniss, you don't have to do this just to prove"-

"I'm showing you how much I trust you," Katniss said firmly, thankful that her voice wasn't shaking the way her body was. She was trembling with fear, having never let anyone see what her burned body looked like until now.

She heard the lid of the jar snap open and she closed her eyes. It was okay. It was Peeta. Peeta was loving and kind and gentle. He would never judge her or hurt her or think badly of her because of how her body looked.

The ointment always felt cool against her skin. This time, however, when the cold ointment touched the broken skin on her back, her blood heated up. Beneath the thin film of the ointment, she could feel Peeta's calloused fingers carefully brushing her skin. She exhaled with relief, never having felt the touch of the miracle cream against her damaged back.

"Does it hurt?" Peeta asked quietly.

"No," Katniss answered. "Not as much as it used to, anyway. Sometimes it gets irritated or my skin rips open and bleeds but it's easily fixed with the treatment Aurelius sent me. It doesn't heal me completely but it takes away the pain."

When her back was treated, Katniss let her shirt fall down again. The material of the shirt stuck to her back due to the glue-like quality of the ointment. She took Peeta's hands in hers and held them tightly. "Do you see? You can help me as much as you want. As long as you let me help you."

"Katniss, you have no idea how happy to makes me to see the progress that you have made," Peeta said, holding her hands tight as well. "But you are beautiful and you will remain beautiful forever. Even with your burns you're the most amazing girl I have ever seen in my entire life. Me? I'm only half the man I used to be and even then I wasn't all that great."

"Stop it," Katniss snapped. "You're the most beautiful man I have ever met in my entire life! Screw everything that's happened. You are not half of anything! You are full. Just because you lost your leg and are a little but unwell doesn't mean you aren't any more of a man you were before shit hit the fan. The only person letting it hold you back is you!"

"I'm a shell of a person, Katniss. Everyone knows it. That's why I'm not allowed to work. That's why I haven't been in town since we went there with Willow. Because I know that people think I'm crazy," Peeta insists. "And maybe they're right."

"You aren't crazy," Katniss said. Fuelled by desperation, she lurched forward and sealed their lips together in a kiss. She immediately regretted it. She felt stupid and tried to back down. Except, when she broke away, Peeta touched her face-like he did on the beach-and drew her back.

Katniss wondered why she had ever been conflicted. Peeta was the one. He would always be the one. He had been there for her since the very beginning, before they even so much as knew each other's names, and was still with her now when everyone else (except for Haymitch) had vanished. The kiss, as miniature as it was, sparked hope inside of Katniss that things could get better. That as long as they were together then nothing else mattered.

Katniss laid her hand on Peeta's knee. They broke apart and she looked at him searchingly, her heart beating so hard it left her breathless. "Trust me?" she asked.

Peeta's blue eyes made Katniss' stomach flip with how they sparkled with worry. "Always," he said.

Katniss slithered off the sofa and sitting on the coffee table. "You are fine," she said firmly.

Ironically, Katniss had never seen Peeta's prosthetic properly. She had felt it against her leg when they shared a bed before the Quarter Quell but that was as far as Peeta had ever let it go. He wasn't the sort of person to be embarrassed or sheepish but every strong person had a chink in their armour.

"Is there a strap or a release button or does it just pop off?" Katniss frowned as she watched Peeta roll up his pants leg for her. It was actually quite basic, for something that came from the Capitol. Made of complete metal, with a small joint connecting the ankle to the foot and a black band around the upper rim that seemed to be made of a soft material.

"There's a strap and a button but I'll get it," said Peeta, his fingers trembling a little. Katniss understood this. She had been the exact same when she had pulled her shirt up for him to see her burns.

"I can do it if you want," Katniss offered.

"No, no, it's just a bit . . ." Peeta swallowed. "High up."

Katniss' mouth dropped open a little. "Oh," she said dumbly.

Peeta pressed a button at the top of the prosthetic and pulled open a strap. When it released, Katniss knew he couldn't hide the relief he felt even if he tried. It was written all over his face. Katniss helped him pull it away. It looked kind of odd, sitting beside their coffee table without anyone connected it to.

Peeta was eyeing the prosthetic up like it was a snake in his path. "One of Portia's helpers-Hilda-wanted to cover it in 3D stickers and a feather boa instead of the black band," he said.

Katniss snorted. "How did that conversation go?"

"Portia told her to stop being so ridiculous," Peeta smiled.

Katniss kept looking at either Peeta's prosthetic or his face. She didn't want to look at his stump in case it came off as rude or it made him insecure. She changed the subject to something else. "About that kiss . . ." she began.

"You don't have to say anything. It was an emotional moment, I understand," Peeta said.

Katniss shook her head. "No," she said. "I meant it."

"Katniss, you don't have to say that just to save me"-

"I meant it," Katniss insisted, her voice commanding attention. "You're so important to me. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to catch up, I've been slow. Held back by stupid things. I should have brought you into my life sooner after we got back. But I was scared. Of myself more than anything else."

Peeta looked like he desperately wanted to believe her. She saw that look on the beach, when she told him that she needed him. He desperately wanted to believe her but was afraid to bring himself to do so out of fear of being hurt again.

"There are no cameras now," Katniss said. "You can believe me."

"I don't know if I can have this conversation right now," Peeta replied.

Katniss grimaced. That nauseous feeling from earlier returning in abundance. "Why?" she squeaked.

Peeta pushed his fingers through his hair and shook his head. "I can't explain it right now but I just . . . I'm not ready." Katniss watched helplessly as he dragged his prosthetic back to himself and strapped himself back in. "I should check the cake bases."

There was a knock on the door and Peeta detoured to open it. Katniss followed him, fiddling with the end of her braid. She felt so stupid for saying the things that she did to him. She should have just kept her mouth shut. Every time she opened herself up, she always got hurt.

"Look Peeta, I'm sorry about what I"-she began as she followed him.

"It doesn't matter, really," Peeta said as he answered the door.

A woman stood on the doorstep, her pale face weathered with worry lines. Her eyes widened in confusion. "Oh. I'm sorry. I thought this was Haymitch Abernathy's house," she said.

"Oh, that's fine. He lives next door," Peeta said, hiding any trace of their previous conversation from his face.

The woman nodded. She turned to leave, paused and turned back around. "Was a . . . baby left here?" she asked.

Katniss frowned and peered over Peeta's shoulder at the woman. "Maybe. Why?" she asked defensively.

"I thought . . . I thought this was Haymitch's house, that's why I . . ." The woman rubbed her hand over her face tiredly and exhaled. "I'm his granddaughter. I came to the District after the rebellion because I had nowhere else to go. I panicked and I . . . I . . . left her here thinking it was his house."

The woman looked from Katniss to Peeta desperately. "I'm Willow's mother."


	14. Hayden Abernathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta talk to Willow's mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **It is important to note that some things have been edited from this chapter and the ending is different in comparison to this story's fanfiction.net counterpart. This is due to a change of opinion.

Chapter Fourteen

Her name was Hayden Abernathy. Allegedly anyway.

Peeta and Katniss sat on the sofa, both of them flanking Willow who sat between them with innocent naivety. Hayden kept glancing at Willow longingly, trying to hide her desperation to swipe the baby up and run. She knew Katniss and Peeta weren't going to let that happen but despite it all, she kept considering it.

"Explain," Katniss demanded. "Slowly and from the beginning."

"We can't let Willow go until we know for sure that you aren't a fraud," Peeta explained, a lot gentler than Katniss did.

Hayden nodded slowly. "My grandmother . . . she was Haymitch's girlfriend before the Games. They were inseparable, so in love that they thought even the Hunger Games wouldn't ruin it. When Haymitch was reaped for the 50th Games, my grandmother promised that she would wait for him. He won-as you know-and they were reunited. But things weren't that easy."

"We know that Haymitch's family were killed by the Capitol," said Peeta, a tinge of disbelief to his voice. "He told us . . . How can you be alive if that's true?"

"They weren't killed," said Hayden. "My grandmother wasn't anyway. They were taken prisoner when Haymitch refused to sell his body. Maybe they convinced Haymitch that they were dead or told him they were murdered, I don't know. All I know is that my grandmother died in a cell, after giving birth to my mother."

"Your mother?" Katniss repeated incredulously.

"When they took my grandmother away, she was pregnant," Hayden explained miserably. "She gave birth alone and in the dark and the cold. Snow took her baby and tried to raise it as a Capitolite. It didn't work but to save her skin my mother played along. She tried to convince Snow of her loyalty but it didn't work. As a relation to Haymitch, she was always going to be treated badly, no matter how much of a fighter she seemed to be. She was way too young when she became with child. I don't wish to discuss how young she was. All you need to know is that it was Snow's fault. All of it was."

"Let me guess, so were you?" Katniss spat acidly. Peeta dug her ribs with his elbow, a warning to stop being so rude.

"I'm sixteen, if you must know!" Hayden snapped. Katniss blinked. She couldn't believe it. Hayden looked at least in her mid-thirties. "This is what Snow does to people! You, of all people, should understand this! Snow tried to do to me what he did to my mother but the rebellion started and everything went crazy! If he had had his way, I'd have died giving birth just like she did!"

"How old is Willow?" asked Peeta, acting much calmer and in control than Katniss was. Which was odd, since she had never cared that much about Willow until the past couple of days. Now she was on mega defence mode.

"I gave birth to her just after the rebellion ended," Hayden answered, the relief of this clear in her tone. So Willow really was clean of the corruption of the old world. "I'd go so far as to say that she's the first baby of the new world. Her birthday is the day Katniss shot Coin in the neck and President Snow died."

Katniss was surprised. Maybe Hayden was right. If she was telling the truth then Willow really could be the first baby of the new world. She would never know what it was like to live under President Snow's fraudulent rule. That was a good thing. The new generation of Panem was already beginning.

"So who is Willow's father?" Peeta asked gently.

Hayden shook her head, tears glittering in her eyes. "One of Snow's soldiers," she whispered. She looked at Peeta and said, "Protocol 512."

Katniss looked at Peeta for guidance as to what that meant. Instead, Peeta simply nodded his understanding to Hayden and said, "I think if we decide to tell Haymitch about this that we should leave that detail out."

"What detail?" Katniss demanded. "You don't honestly believe any of this?!"

Peeta turned to Katniss and said, "I was a Capitol prisoner, I know what it's like to go through Snow's torture. You have to trust me when I say that I know Hayden is telling the truth. I can't tell you how for it is not something I ever wish to relive but you have to trust me."

"I do trust you," Katniss said, "but what's protocol 512?"

"You don't want to know," Peeta said darkly. Katniss stood up when Peeta did but snatched Willow up, frightened that he was going to hand her over right there and then. "You understand that we can't just give her to you. You gave her away once, how are we to know that you won't do it again?"

Hayden nodded. "I understand. I just want you to know that I'm here and I'm sorry. I want my baby back, no matter what the cost is. Just tell me what you want and I'll get it."

"It's not a matter of cost," Katniss snapped.

"You have to prove to us that you're willing to be a mother," Peeta said.

"A real mother," Katniss hissed.

Hayden's grey eyes glistened with tears of determination. "The only reason I gave her up was because I thought her father was coming after me," she said. "I only got news two days ago that he died in the Capitol bombings. That's why I came back for her."

"Why would her father come after you?" Katniss frowned.

"Because I cut out his eye when I fled the Capitol," Hayden stated, no remorse in her voice.

Katniss stepped back, no longer trusting of the woman in front of her. "Then what about the note?" Katniss demanded. "How do we know that everything you're saying isn't complete bull, huh?"

Peeta held an arm out in front of Katniss and said measuredly, "Hayden, can you tell us what was written on the note that was left with Willow that night?"

Hayden, clearly fed up with being questioned, leaned in close to Katniss and hissed, "Her name is Willow. Take her, I don't want her."

Katniss clutched Willow tighter. No. Why did she feel so sick? Hayden knew what was on the note, surely that meant that she was Willow's mother? Why was this news making Katniss feel like her world was ending? Peeta showed Hayden out, telling her to keep in touch and that they would speak to her soon about Willow and what they were going to do about their situation. They agreed to keep it from Haymitch. For now anyway.

When Peeta returned, Katniss was already shaking her head in denial. "I'm not letting her have Willow," she said. "She's clearly unstable. She cut a man's eye out. How can we give Willow to a woman who can't even get her priorities in order?"

"Katniss, Hayden is Willow's mother," Peeta said.

"I don't give a damn!" Katniss shouted.

"You don't understand, Katniss . . . The things she said she's went through . . . We have to remember that Snow treated everyone like dirt. It's entirely possible that Hayden and her mother were treated like they were nothing but playthings because they were in direct relation to Haymitch, someone who broke the rules of the Games and won," Peeta said.

"How do I know you're not just saying that because you're being too sympathetic?" Katniss demanded. "What's protocol 512?"

"It's . . . it's complicated," Peeta answered.

"Maybe if you told me I'd understand Hayden's 'plight' more!" Katniss replied. She walked around the sofa with Willow still in her arms. She put the baby back into her walkie and handed her a green crayon.

"You probably would," Peeta agreed, following Katniss into the kitchen. "However, I've told you before that I'm not going to discuss things that went on while I was prisoner in the Capitol for I want to save your sanity, Katniss, not destroy it again."

Katniss started throwing the dishes Peeta used to bake the cake into the dishwasher. "But this is about when Hayden was prisoner, not when you were," she said.

"Katniss, there's a reason I know what protocol 512 is and it's got nothing to do with Hayden and what she went through," Peeta replied.

Katniss paused what she was doing. "Meaning you went through it too?" she said flatly.

A pause.

"Not necessarily. But it's not hard to pick up on things when you spend so long stuck in the system."

Ditching everything, Katniss turned around and moved towards Peeta. "This is never going to work if we don't learn to trust each other. We've had this conversation before, just a few hours ago! You don't have to tell me what you went through, I don't need to know that if you don't want to tell me, but please help me understand why you trust Hayden so much. What's protocol 512?"

Peeta sighed and ran his fingers through his blond hair. "Finnick," he said.

That was all he needed to say. Katniss' heart flipped in her chest and she threw herself at Peeta, enclosing him in a hug so tight she knew she was making it hard for him to breathe. Protocol 512 was what Finnick had been forced to do when he turned eighteen. Sell himself to Capitol patrons to keep his family safe. Hayden was forced to do the same, except at a younger age, and was impregnated by a Capitol Soldier at the age of sixteen. Her mother had been the same.

"I'm so sorry," Katniss whispered into Peeta's chest.

She didn't know why she was apologising. She hadn't done anything wrong. Maybe it was her doubt in Peeta's trust; or her disbelief over Hayden's legitimacy. All she knew was that they were the only too words that seemed to fall from her mouth.

She didn't know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I understand that Hayden's backstory is a tad convoluted, especially due to the time frame between the year of Haymitch's Games and now. It's kind of my fault that its so confusing as when I initially wrote this for fanfiction.net I wrote 'great granddaughter' instead of just granddaughter and instead of fixing it I was an idiot and decided to run with it. I've tried to figure out since then how such a thing would work and I think of the timeline this way:
> 
> Haymitch's girlfriend gave birth in the year of the 50th Hunger Games, shortly after being captured.  
> Her daughter was raised in captivity, and before reaching the age of consent to be sold, was attacked by one of Snow's soldiers when she was about eleven or twelve during the year of the 60th Hunger Games, her young age being the reason she died when she gave birth to Hayden.   
> Hayden is also raised in captivity, being the only Abernathy left in the Capitol's clutches, and lives long enough to reach the age of consent and be sold like Finnick. She gets pregnant as a result of this and gives birth when she's sixteen in what would have been the year of the 76th Hunger Games.
> 
> I know there are probably still loads of plot holes here but it's the best I can do as I didn't realise how dependent the story grew to be of the 'great' in the title of great granddaughter. I hope it doesn't ruin the story for you guys anyways?
> 
> Thanks for reading! See you next week :)


	15. The Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta discuss the situation with Hayden in further detail when Willow discovers something that Katniss had believed she had lost forever.

Chapter Fifteen

Peeta believed in Hayden's legitimacy. Clearly, what she had been saying about her tortures in the Capitol had been true because Peeta had recognised it instantly. The horrible, brutal conditions of Protocol 512 made Katniss feel sick to her stomach. What was she to do? She couldn't force Peeta to talk about it, nor could she deny his trust in Hayden. She hadn't been forced to go through it.

The only thing she could do was convince him to wait. Wait for Hayden to prove herself as a good mother. She had a feeling Peeta was going to do this anyway but she felt a compulsion to reinforce the idea. Hayden wasn't getting her hands anywhere near Willow until Katniss was completely sure that she was really her mother.

Ever since Hayden left, Katniss had been uneasy. She munched through half of Peeta's cake all by herself, the nerves having driven her up the wall. It was a delicious cake, hence why she ate most of it herself. Peeta didn't mind, he was never a huge eater himself anyway and one slice would have done him the whole week. Besides, he knew Katniss was a worry eater. After the Quarter Quell had been announced, she munched through five batches of cheese buns all in one evening. It kept her mind off other things.

Katniss didn't know if she was losing her mind or not but when she looked at Willow, she could swear that she could see Hayden's face in the baby's. It made her stomach churn. Not in a sickening way. More in an 'I need more damn cake' way. A couple of hours after their talk with Hayden, Peeta was already getting to work on making Katniss a batch of cheese buns. He knew that nervousness equated hollow day qualities for her.

"Do you even have an inkling of a feeling that Hayden might be telling the truth?" asked Peeta.

Katniss shook her head, mouth full of her seventh piece of cake. The gateau was only a quarter now and she was yet to feel even a little bit full. "I don't trust her," she said through a full mouth.

"Are you sure you're maybe just starting to feel . . . maternal instincts for Willow?" Peeta asked carefully.

Katniss scowled but didn't answer. Maybe she was. She wouldn't be surprised if she was. It was shockingly odd how quickly a child could grow on you. Last week, she wanted Willow gone as fast as possible and would probably have handed her over to a homeless person if they'd claimed that they were her mother. Now, she was more guarded. She wasn't going to allow harm to come to Willow, even if it meant keeping her for another few weeks until they decided for sure whether Hayden was the real deal or not.

The fact that she knew what the note had said should have been evidence enough. But Katniss wasn't going to relent so easily. There was something she didn't trust about Hayden. Something that made her think that they were making the right decision in holding onto Willow. One thing Katniss could at least give Hayden credit for was not kicking up a fuss about them wishing to keep Willow until they were sure that she could be trusted. If the world wasn't still rebuilding, then they might have had a law suit on their hands if Hayden truly thought they were trying to take Willow from her.

"Should we tell Haymitch?" Katniss asked unsurely.

"I don't know," Peeta admitted. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and sat down beside Katniss to wait while the buns cooked. "I don't feel like it's our place."

"Who will then?" Katniss said, picking up the knife and pulling the cake towards her again.

Peeta shrugged. "I think it should be Hayden."

Katniss paused. "Why's that?"

"Because she's his descendant," Peeta answered. "She is the only one with the right to tell him that she is alive and well. If we do it, Haymitch mightn't believe us. Think we're playing some sick joke on him or are trying to get some sort of rise from him."

"Surely he wouldn't think we'd be that cruel," Katniss said.

"It's surprising the sort of conclusions you will come to when you are in avid denial of something," said Peeta.

Katniss sliced through the cake with the knife and cut another piece away. She cut a bit off for Peeta too, who accepted it without complaint, showing that he was beginning to get stressed out about the situation too. "I wonder how things would have turned out if Hayden had left Willow at the right house," Katniss mused.

"I don't know," Peeta honestly replied. "However, I do believe that one way or another we still would have ended up at the place we are now."

They ate their cake in depressing silence. Katniss didn't know what they were going to do. Peeta had a point about Hayden being the one who should tell Haymitch about her identity and the fact that she survived and that Willow was his great granddaughter. It wasn't something that Katniss and Peeta could just go next door and blurt out to him on a whim. But how long could they wait? Until Hayden next showed up at their door? Would they then tell her to go to Haymitch's house and tell him what she had told them? Did they really have the right to do that?

There was a thump in the living room. Katniss was instantly out of her seat, thinking the worst, and ran into the room where they had left Willow colouring. Instead of something horrific having happened, such as her walkie capsizing or an ornament having fallen on her head, Willow was thankfully fine. She had just started pulling books out of the bookshelf.

"Willow," Katniss sighed, going over to the Willow and kneeling down beside her. Peeta joined a moment later, helping her tidy away the books. Most of them were Capitol books, left in the shelves more as a decoration than reading material. When Prim had ventured through the shelves when they first moved in, she discovered that most of them were just propaganda bigging up the Capitol and putting down the Districts.

Willow ignored them and reached out for another book. It was too high for her to reach and she grew frustrated when her tiny fingers wouldn't even so much as touch the spine. Katniss looked up to see what she was trying to grasp and her heart flipped over in her chest. She stood up on her knees and pulled the book down herself, sitting back on her haunches again and stroking the leather bound cover.

"My father's book," she whispered.

Peeta paused what he was doing and looked at the book in Katniss' hands. It was the book her father used to write information about plants and weeds, the book that helped her feed her family again. It was also the book that helped her and Peeta grow together, bonding through their different talents to continue the book in her father's memory.

"Are you okay?" Peeta said gently, putting his hand on top of hers and threading their fingers together.

Katniss nodded. "I thought I lost this," she said as tears curled in her eyes.

Willow fisted Katniss' sleeve in her hand, giving her an impatient tug. She wanted Katniss to read it to her. Katniss shook her head. "This isn't a reading book, sweetie," she said. Willow didn't listen and continued to tug anyways.

Katniss sighed and flipped the book open. The thirty pages were written in her father's handwriting. Seeing it there, exactly the same as she remembered, if a little aged, made her heart swell like a rose blossom in the spring. She showed the pages to Willow and said, "My daddy wrote this."

Willow's eyes gleamed. "Da-da?" she asked.

Katniss nodded. "Yeah, my da-da." Willow smiled and laughed, the sound so innocent it was astonishing how good it made Katniss feel. She flipped forward to the extracts written by herself and illustrated by Peeta. "And this was me and Peeta."

Willow's grin widened, if that were possible. "Mama and da-da," she gurgled.

Katniss looked at Peeta, who looked like he'd been smacked with a saucepan. Nostalgia was replaced with sorrow and Katniss shook her head. "No, sweetheart, we aren't your parents," she said.

Willow didn't understand what she was being told. Katniss allowed her to hold the book on the table of her walkie but kept a close eye on it in case she accidentally ripped a page. She continued to smile away and ran her finger over Peeta's drawings, amused by how lifelike they looked. "Flowers!" she giggled.

"She's getting more verbal," Katniss said.

"She must be picking up on a lot," said Peeta.

They watched Willow flip through the book, both unsure about what to say. There were many things unspoken between them, things Katniss knew they were going to have to bring up at some point. The kiss; their trust in one another; protocol 512; how they were going to get Willow to understand that they weren't her parents . . .

A rumble outside broke the trance they were in. Peeta went to the window while Katniss stayed sitting on the floor. "There's another storm coming," he said.

Katniss' stomach fluttered with fear. Last time there was a storm, she'd experienced one of the worst nightmares she had ever had, resulting in Peeta having to sleep on the floor beside her with Willow in her basket. Katniss didn't know if she could handle being on her own during the storm but she didn't want to make Peeta sleep on the floor again. She had felt bad enough when she had been terrified out of her wits.

"I better give Willow her bath now so we can get her to bed before the worst starts," Peeta said, going back to Willow's walkie and hauling her out.

"Will you be okay? After what happened last time?" asked Katniss.

Peeta nodded. "That was a blip. I'll be fine."

Katniss was unsure. She didn't want to take the risk of Peeta having an attack again and possibly hurting himself. "I'll do it with you, just in case," she said. Before Peeta could have an opportunity to protest or insist that he was fine, she went to the stairs and made sure she was half way up before he even opened his mouth.

While the bathtub filled up, Katniss took Willow's clothes down into the kitchen to be washed. They only had the one set of clothes still and had to improvise pyjamas so it was essential to make sure that Willow got her clothes washed at night time so she would have something to wear the next day.

"Peeta," Katniss said as she re-entered the bathroom, "how do you feel about continuing my father's book?"

Peeta looked over his shoulder at her, unable to turn fully towards her as he was supporting Willow to make sure she didn't hurt herself in the bathtub. "In what way do you mean continuing it?" he asked.

Katniss shrugged and sat down on the closed toilet. "I don't know . . . With more weeds and flowers . . . Maybe some information about those who fell during the rebellion." She brushed her hair away from her face just to keep her hands occupied and elaborated. "I want something to commemorate them with. Something that is just ours. Between me and you."

"Do you think you'd be able to handle doing that?" Peeta asked.

Katniss shrugged again, watching Peeta's gentle hands as he carefully washed Willow up. Never mind her developing maternal instincts, Peeta seemed to have been born with fatherly instincts. "Do you?" she asked back.

"I don't know," Peeta replied.

"Neither do I. But I want to try," said Katniss.

Peeta nodded. "Me too." A pause. "I also think we should call Annie."

Katniss was ashamed to say that she hadn't thought about Annie since the rebellion ended. She heard that she had given birth to a baby boy but that had been pretty much it. She didn't want to dwell on the fact that Finnick never got to see his own son nor did Annie ever have the pleasure of telling him that she was pregnant in the first place. Now, however, Katniss knew that she had to speak to Annie. What Annie needed was to know that her friends were here to support her, not push her away, and the only way to do that right now was to give her a supportive phone call. They had left it too long already.

"Yes," Katniss said. "We should."

Peeta towel dried Willow while Katniss drained the bath. She gave it a wipe with a scourging sponge while Peeta went to his room and put Willow to sleep for the night. They went downstairs then and had another piece of cake. Katniss polished it off while Peeta pulled the cheese buns out of the oven to cool down.

"Is it too late to call her now?" Katniss asked, licking the chocolate from her fingers.

"I would say so," Peeta replied. "District 4 is about five hours ahead of 12."

Katniss had thought that. Annie would probably be in bed by now. She put the plate in which the Black Forest Gateau had sat on into the dish washer and went into the living room to tidy up a little bit. "So she went back home?" she asked Peeta, who followed close behind her.

"Yeah, it was what she needed after the news about Finnick reached her," Peeta explained. "She needed to be by the sea."

Katniss felt horrible. If she hadn't lost her mind after the rebellion then she could have given the news about Finnick herself, not by some rebel solider from 13. It would have been easier coming from a friend. Not by much but at least Annie could have been given a shoulder to cry on.

"Who gave her the news?" Katniss asked.

"I think Johanna did," Peeta answered.

That was something, at least.

"I would have done it," Peeta continued, "but after the uproar over Coin's death I was contained under suspicion of being an accessory."

Katniss looked at him incredulously. "Why would they think you were an accessory?" she asked.

"All they saw was us talking after you shot her. I don't think they realised I was trying to stop you from . . . you know," Peeta explained.

Katniss nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't apologise," Peeta said. "I'd rather have been thought of that than a supporter of such a corrupt woman."

"You never thought she was defending the right cause?" asked Katniss.

Peeta had to take a moment to consider the question. Katniss pushed Willow's walkie to the corner of the room where nobody could hurt themselves on it and retrieved her father's book from it. "It's a difficult question to answer. I was kidnapped and taken to the Capitol and forced to believe that you were the enemy. Then, when I think that I'm finally being rescued, I get landed with a group of people who believe that you are a good person and imprison me for trying to take action against you. I spent a lot of my time in 13 seeing the worst of Coin anyways because of this."

"I see," Katniss mused.

"However, as soon as she suggested the Capitol Games I knew things weren't going to get any better," Peeta explained. "Hence why I will always support your decision to take action against her wholly and completely. It was necessary to stop Panem from falling beneath another greedy dictatorship."

"You think that would have happened?"

"Well . . . what would have stopped her from doing more Games? Try to eliminate all Capitol children completely?" asked Peeta. "What would have stopped her from making it for all ages, so that the entire Capitol race would be wiped out? Or maybe turn against those who helped us just because they're Capitol born? People like Cressida and Castor and Pollux? Effie and your Prep Team? Coin wasn't about equality, she was about racial purity."

Katniss had to admit, what he was saying made sense. "I wish I could say that I was thinking that that when I killed her," she said despondently. "But I wasn't. I was just thinking about Prim."

"As good a reason as any," said Peeta.

The rain started outside, like a barrier of some sort had been removed and it all fell down at once. Katniss jumped in shock, the book nearly falling from her hands. She looked to Peeta, who seemed a bit unnerved himself. "I don't know if I can"- She began to say.

"It's okay," Peeta said. "I'm way ahead of you."

Katniss frowned. "But I don't want you to sleep on the floor again," she said.

"But there's no other way to"-

Katniss walked over to Peeta and hugged him, her father's book wedged between them. "Stay with me?" she whispered.

Peeta's arms went around her instantly and he rested his chin on top of her head. "Always," he murmured.


	16. Bed Mates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta share a bed for the first time since the rebellion ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry this is a day late! Halloween madness and all that :P

Chapter Sixteen

Katniss sat on the edge of her bed in her pyjamas. They were powder purple and reminded her of the wig Effie wore to District 9 during the Victory Tour. She had braided her hair so tight it hurt to move her head too far to the left or the right. So she stared at the wall straight in front of her. Peeta was in the next room, getting ready for bed himself. Katniss could hear him moving around next door, her heart beating in excited trepidation.

The rain was battering her bedroom window. Occasionally lightening would flash. Katniss had her overhead light on, so the weather didn't seem as sinister. It was pitch black out. Katniss wondered if Haymitch had went inside. She also wondered where Hayden was. Did she stay in one of the Village's mansions? Or had she organised accommodation of her own somehow in the District?

Peeta carried Willow into Katniss' room, in the basket in which Hayden had dumped her in. It seemed that Willow liked to sleep in it as she mostly had sound nights, even when the weather was bad. Peeta had pyjamas of his own, the same ones he'd been wearing each night and washing every few days since he had come to stay in Katniss' home. It seemed that he didn't want to bring anything into Katniss' house, as if it were like he was making some sort of assumption. Katniss wouldn't have minded, in fact she wouldn't have even given it a second thought, but trying to convince Peeta of this was a completely different matter so she didn't say anything about it.

Laying Willow's basket on the floor, Peeta rose from the ground and met Katniss' eyes. They stared at each other, both unsure about what they were to do. It had been a while and neither wanted to make the first move.

"This is ridiculous," Peeta finally sighed. "We've done this so often . . . why are we acting so childish about it?"

"I don't know," Katniss answered. "We're just . . . just being awkward." She stood up and threw the covers of the bed back. "Okay, get in."

"Uh, why don't you get in first?"

Katniss narrowed her eyes. "I made the first move, you make the second."

"Was that really a first move, though?" Peeta asked.

"Yes!" Katniss insisted. "I stood up and I . . . I threw the covers back! You've done nothing!"

"I said we were being ridiculous," said Peeta. He frowned. "Which we are being again."

Katniss rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Okay, give me your hand," she said, stretching her arm out to him. Peeta didn't think twice before taking Katniss' hand in his own. It was strange, out of everything that both Katniss and Peeta had been through; the horrors they had faced; the pain and hardship; the torture and destruction; it was strange that out of all that . . . the feeling of Peeta's hand in hers was still so familiar. It amazed Katniss how they were still calloused and warm and soothed her panic by simply clasping his fingers around hers.

"Get in together?" Peeta asked.

"Yes," said Katniss. "Come on."

Once the matter of getting into the bed was sorted, everything else just seemed to work out naturally. Katniss lay down and Peeta fit himself behind her, wrapping his arms around her and letting his chin rest on her shoulder. Katniss felt so secure and comfortable, it made her wonder why she ever felt worried about letting Peeta into her bed again.

"You okay?" asked Peeta.

"Mm-hm," Katniss hummed. "You?"

"Never been better," Peeta answered.

Katniss' eyes fluttered. She was so tired, she almost felt drowsy. Never had she ever felt so eager to go to sleep. She felt wholly and completely safe. Like Peeta's arms were some sort of armour that would ward away the nightmares.

"Aren't you worried I might hurt you?" Peeta whispered.

"You won't," Katniss mumbled.

"But I'm worried I"-

"Ssssh, I want to sleep." Katniss turned in Peeta's arms and nestled against him. He would protect her, as he always did. He would never hurt her intentionally. Ever.

And when she closed her eyes, she fell asleep immediately.

~xXx~

It was like instinct. As soon as he got out of bed, Katniss sensed it. Her heavy eyes fluttered open to the sound of footsteps and rainfall. She was facing the opposite direction to which she had fallen asleep and, when she turned around, Peeta was nowhere. "Peeta?" she called, her voice rough with sleep. She felt a chill jitter through her, the lack of his presence making her feel cold.

"I'm just changing Willow," Peeta's voice immediately responded, putting Katniss' worries at ease. The way his voice echoed a little gave away that he was just down the hall in the bathroom. She relaxed a little and smiled, moving herself over to his side of the bed to bask in the warmth his body left behind.

It was still dark outside, the rain still weathering the house outside. The atmosphere made Katniss feel snug and comforted, and she concluded that she would never leave the bed again. But as the minutes went on and the warmth provided by Peeta's natural heat wore away, the chill threatened to sneak up on her again. Her teeth began to chatter and she hoped for Peeta's return.

Peeta soon entered the room again, flicking off the hall light and laying Willow down in her basket again. Katniss scooted back, ready for him to get back in with her, and frowned when he turned around. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"I need to set the heating to switch on later in the morning," said Peeta.

"No," Katniss said, "you have to get back in here."

"It'll only take a second, you know," Peeta chuckled.

"Nah-uh. I'm cold," Katniss said, reaching out and grasping his wrist, giving it an impatient tug. "C'mon. Set the heat later."

Peeta laughed but did as she told him to, getting back into the bed with her and throwing the duvet back over them both. Katniss moved towards him and yelped-making sure to keep quiet as not to wake Willow-at how cold his hands were. "Argh, you fiend, you're supposed to be warm!" she accused.

"Well I'm sorry but somebody won't let me turn the heating on," Peeta whispered back with a grin.

Katniss took his hands and rubbed them between hers, blowing on them as well to try to warm them up again. "You're my heat source, Peeta, you can't be cold it's not fair," she explained.

"How did you survive without me?" Peeta asked, raising his eyebrows.

"With extreme loneliness," Katniss said seriously. Their eyes met in the darkness and she nodded with finality. "Never again."

Peeta's blue eyes burned through the black blanket of the dark room. He nodded as well. "Never again," he repeated.

Katniss looked at their hands, which were intertwined beneath the bed sheets. "We need to talk about what happened before Hayden showed up at the door," she said.

"At four in the morning?" Peeta asked.

"Better early than late," Katniss said.

Peeta seemed to understand. He spoke first. "I don't want you to be embarrassed about what you did," he began. "My reaction wasn't exactly the nicest way of dealing with the situation. I was just . . . kind of in shock. Those ten minutes were kind of all over the place from proving we trusted each other to applying burn cream and . . . well . . . that."

"Here's the thing," Katniss said, "I can't exactly say I knew what was going through my head when I kissed you. It happened once before with Gale"-Peeta stiffened, probably at the idea of her kissing Gale at all-"and he said to me that if I didn't know what I was thinking then he might as well have been kissing a drunk person. Except, in the living room it was different. I was definitely thinking something, I just don't know what. All I knew was that I wanted us to be as close as we were before, before the rebellion and the hijacking and the lightening tree."

"I want that, too," Peeta replied. "I just don't want you to be kissing me because you feel like it's the only way to get us to be close again."

"That's not why I . . ." Katniss frowned. "I don't know. Maybe I wanted to kiss you."

Peeta smiled. She couldn't see it but she could sense it. "And that would be amazing," he told her. "However, after everything we've been through, this isn't something we should jump into. A steady pace would be easier on both of us since we both still have demons to battle."

Katniss nodded in agreement. She let go of Peeta's hands and hugged him, feeling for the first time since the rebellion ended that they had gotten somewhere. "You mean a lot to me," she whispered into his chest. "Sometimes I feel like you have no idea."

Peeta's arms went around her smaller frame instinctively. "I think the feeling is mutual," he whispered into her hair.

When Katniss snuggled closer to him, intent on falling back into the land of nod, her leg brushed against something colder than Peeta's hands had been. His metal leg. "You're supposed to take that off," she murmured.

"I'm supposed to do a lot of things," Peeta murmured back.

Katniss heaved her tired body up into a sitting position. She threw the cover away from herself and just a bit of him so she had access to the fake leg. "You are not ignoring medical orders," she said. "Especially not out of worry of what I will think. Which, if you didn't notice before, I don't care about your stump. You know this and I feel like you're starting to be a bit childish about this."

"So what if I am?" Peeta challenged indignantly.

Katniss shook her head. "It's coming off," she told him, blindly feeling in the dark for the clasps that would release the leg from his stump. "Haymitch told me a while back about how you lied to me about wearing this at night."

"I didn't want to scare you," Peeta insisted.

"What would I be scared of? Your leg?" Katniss asked.

"About what the tourniquet did. I know you blamed yourself for that," said Peeta.

Katniss paused. She had blamed herself for that. Over the years, however, after every near death experience both she and Peeta had both had, she grew to realise that the tourniquet wasn't a condemnation, it had been his salvation. She saved his life, not destroyed it.

"I saved you, I recognise that now," she said. She resumed fiddling with the clasps in the dark and finally got it to release. The leg was heavy and she had to push it real had to get to slide off the end of the bed but she managed well enough. "See? Doesn't that feel better?"

"It feels lighter," Peeta answered.

Katniss sat on her knees in the middle of the bed. She hadn't gotten to see the stump when she'd first taken it off because she had been scared of making him self-conscious. She couldn't see in the darkness of the room but . . . "Can I touch it?" she blurted out.

"Why would you want to?" Peeta replied, a nervous edge to his voice.

"Because I've grown to know every contour of you through the nights we have shared, which I'm sure that you have with me too. However, you have never let me see this final piece of you," she said.

"I'd hardly say it's the final piece . . ."

"Is that a no?" asked Katniss.

A pause. Peeta sat himself up just like Katniss and reached out for her hand in the darkness. He grasped it tight, like she was anchoring him to reality. "Please don't be disgusted by it," that one simple touch practically begged. It almost made Katniss want to cry. It made her feel sick that he would think for one second that she would ever be disgusted by him. She squeezed his hand back and reached out with the other, to where she had bunched his pyjama pants up to while trying to unclasp his fake leg.

The first thing she felt was callouses. Peeta flinched, whether it be from pain or fear Katniss couldn't tell. The skin was rough, almost like sandpaper, maybe caused by the fact that he never took the leg off for long periods of time. The scar tissue was what struck her as the most painful. She had scars of her own, much more noticeable to the naked eye, but she could never imagine having thick plastic rubbing against her burns twenty four seven, especially in warm weather.

"You're a stupid, stupid person," Katniss muttered, retracting her hand and squeezing his tighter. "You gain nothing from doing this to yourself."

"The scar tissue is normal," Peeta replied sheepishly. "It's always going to be there."

"And the callouses?"

"Uh . . . not so much."

Katniss rolled her eyes and scooted back up to the top of the bed. She grabbed the duvet and lay down, pulling Peeta down with her. She squirmed closer to him, burying herself in his natural heat. "Don't hide these things from me," she said. "If you're in pain, I need to know."

"I will only make that promise," said Peeta, "if you do the same."

Katniss didn't need to wait a second. "Deal."


	17. Stalemate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta are working on her father's book when they get a phone call from someone unexpected . . .

Chapter Seventeen

A few months passed and nothing happened. Katniss began to believe that Hayden had forgotten about Willow completely. It would be a rough truth, but something Katniss was willing to come to terms with. She still didn't trust Hayden and she didn't feel comfortable handing Willow over to a woman who only visited once after ditching her baby on their doorstep. If Hayden returned and tried to take Willow, Katniss would not be having it. She would go mama bear on Hayden's ass.

Over the months, Katniss and Peeta continued her father's book. It began with just filling it with more plants Katniss knew about but grew into something more personal and more intricate. They wrote about the tributes who died in the Games-even the Careers-and those who gave their lives in the rebellion. Katniss didn't exactly know all that much about a lot of them, but sometimes giving their names alone was enough. Especially when she sat and watched the amount of work Peeta put into making their names look unique and special.

"How do you do that?" Katniss asked, eyes focused on the tip of Peeta's pencil stroking the parchment pages. "I mean, really, how do you do that?"

"The drawings?" asked Peeta.

"The ability to come up with fresh ideas for each and every page," Katniss explained. "The creativity that goes into it surely can't have all came from your cake decorating."

"You'd be surprised how many different ideas you need for cake decorating," Peeta smiled. "When my shift was over, I used to come up with an assortment of designs. It's the only way my mother would buy me a sketchpad. I did draw something off the topic of icing from time to time but I had to hide them from her."

Katniss traced the outlines of Peeta's sketch of Rue. It was one of her favourites because it reminded her of before things turned sour. Sure, being reaped for the 74th Hunger Games hadn't exactly been a peaceful time in her life but compared to the hell that proceeded, it wasn't all that bad in hindsight. The purity in Rue's face, even in just a drawing, was enough to make Katniss smile. Peeta's ability to capture her so perfectly, without even having a photograph in front of him, was astounding.

"Do you still have these sketchpads?" said Katniss.

"They're probably in my house somewhere, yeah," Peeta replied. He twirled the pencil around his fingers and wedged it behind his ear. "I haven't really been doing it that much anymore."

"You should," Katniss said. "Is it the sort of thing you can forget?"

"Well . . . what do you think of these?" asked Peeta, gesturing to the book. "This is pretty much the first time I've drawn anything since the rebellion ended. Do I still have it?"

Katniss looked back down at the book. At Rue's peaceful, smiling face. The crinkles by her eyes as she laughed; the quirk of her lips as she smiled; the way she perched on the tree branch, body turned towards the sunlight and head tilted back to feel the warmth of the rays. "I think you definitely still have it," she answered.

Willow crashed into Katniss' chair, causing her to jump up in surprise. She chuckled and leaned over, picking the baby out of the walkie and resting her on her lap. Peeta smiled and stroked the top of Willow's head tenderly. "Hello sweetheart," he grinned. He frowned and leaned back a little. Katniss could see the cogs turning in his mind and she predicted what he was going to ask before he asked it.

"You should," she said.

"I should?" Peeta repeated, startled by her ability to predict what he was thinking.

"We don't know when we'll have to give her up," Katniss explained. "And I know you want to remember her when we don't have her anymore. I do too. And there's no better way for her to be captured than in the book. By your hand."

Peeta nodded, suddenly invigorated, and flipped the book to a fresh page. Katniss kept Willow on her knee, playing with her fingers and keeping her occupied while Peeta began to sketch her out. She could watch him draw for days as, in her eyes, it was the closest thing to magic she had ever seen. Sure, not the fantastical, fairy tale sort of magic but she couldn't think of another explanation for how Peeta could create such detailed, almost photograph-like drawings with nothing but a pencil (or paints) and his own hand.

The phone rang and Katniss placed Willow back into her walkie, pushing her chair back and going to the hall to answer it.

"Hello, Everdeen Residence?" Katniss cringed at how she almost seemed to be asking a question more than stating with certainty that this house was hers.

"Katniss?"

Katniss recognised the voice instantly and it created a tug in her gut. "Annie?" she asked, leaning against the wall for support. "How have you been?"

"I'm . . . I'm good," Annie breathed, sounding almost relieved. "And you?"

"I'm fine." Katniss was smiling, unsure why but doing so anyway. Maybe it was the assurance that Annie was doing okay, or the fact that she hadn't gone insane again after Finnick's death. "How's . . . err . . . your son?"

She hadn't realised until that moment that she did not know the name of Finnick and Annie's son.

"Oh," Annie replied faintly, almost as if she were surprised to be asked. "He's great. It's hard, sometimes, taking care of him on my own but . . . he's worth it."

"What's his name?" asked Katniss.

"Dylan." The way Annie said Dylan's name, almost as if she were in awe of the title itself, made it abundantly clear that any worries over her competence as a mother were misplaced. She loved Dylan with all her heart, and would not dare lose her mind again for the thought of leaving him alone in the world was unthinkable.

"Dylan," Katniss repeated, the smile of her lips tugging wider. "That's lovely."

"It was Finnick's father's name," Annie explained. "He lost contact with his family when Snow had forced him to . . . you know . . . but I knew that if we ever had a son, we would call him Dylan. For my Finnick loved his dad very much and only distanced himself for his family's protection."

"I thought you would have called him Finnick," Katniss admitted.

"My son doesn't need ghosts," Annie answered. "I want Finn's memory to live on forever but labouring my son with his name would cause him to grow to believe that all I see in him is Finnick, which I will not allow to happen."

Katniss could understand that.

"I'm glad you're doing well, Annie," Katniss responded. "When the roads are finished, Peeta and I will go to District 4 to help you out. Or you can come to us, if you like."

"Thank you, Katniss," said Annie. "Speaking of Peeta, may I speak to him? Is he with you?"

"Sure, two seconds." Katniss put the receiver down on top of the book shelf and returned to the kitchen, where Peeta was still drawing. The way his eyes caught the light and sparkled when she came in made her feel a little soft on the inside. Like the gooey middle of a Capitol truffle. "Annie would like to speak to you."

Peeta nodded and put his pencil down, walking around the islet and exiting the kitchen. Katniss walked around Willow's walkie and examined the drawing which Peeta had begun. He only had one eye done-a duplicate of the innocence held within Willow's baby blues-but she could tell that he was being extremely picky about this sketch, as there was loads of eraser debris on the table. He wanted it to be perfect.

Katniss ruffled Willow's hair-which was growing at rapid rates into a full head of curls-as she moved around the islet to exit. She paused on the threshold at the sound of Peeta's voice, which was tinted with a sincerity that bordered on desperation. "I'm sorry," he said. "About what happened. I shouldn't have-No, Annie, it's not okay. It can't be. I can't allow myself away with these things just because I'm sick. It's not fair on me or you or anyone else."

What was he talking about? What did he do? As Katniss' memory served, Peeta didn't interact that much with Annie and vice versa. What did he need to apologise for?

"You know yourself how it can be," Peeta said, leaning against the wall by the phone with his back to Katniss. "You know that it's impossible to pardon ourselves for the unspeakable things we do to people when we . . . when we have an episode. I need to clear my conscious. I need to say sorry."

Still confused, Katniss walked closer. She was wearing socks on her feet so she made no sound on the wooden panelling.

"The things I said to you were . . . atrocious," Peeta continued. "And when we were both going through the same thing . . . I should have been more considerate but my . . . my head was so clouded it wouldn't let me. Doctor Aurelius was helping us both beat our demons and all I wanted was to get to . . . . to Katniss."

There was a pause. The indistinct murmuring coming from the receiver indicated that Annie was speaking. Peeta listened intently, nodding every so often. "Thank you," he eventually said. "It means so much to me to know that you're okay. Both you and the baby."

Katniss smiled. She wondered if Annie knew about Willow. If so, maybe when the roads were open Dylan and Willow could meet and maybe be friends. Katniss shook her head. No, she was thinking too far ahead.

"Oh," Peeta said, breaking Katniss from her train of thought, "I wouldn't say we're . . . uh . . . 'back together', as you say. There was never really a genuine relationship to get back to." Peeta laughed. "I wish you were right, maybe it would make things a bit easier." Annie said something after this and Peeta made a disapproving sound. "Oh no, I couldn't. Well, I still do, obviously. However, it's difficult. We're recovering. She's delicate right now and I don't want to do anything that could hurt her."

What were they talking about now? Katniss folded her arms and frowned. She would probably feel guilty for eavesdropping later but right now the curiosity was too strong within her to ignore. It was like a churning in her gut, forcing her to stay rooted to the spot and continue to listen to Peeta talking to Annie.

"Of course," Peeta said, voice soft and almost heartbroken. "I always have. My hijacking doesn't change that. I can't allow myself to do anything about it, though. My life has revolved around protecting her and all of a sudden I've become the threat. I will not allow myself to hurt her again. No, never. And if that means being only a friend, then I will do that. I'm just grateful to be back in her life."

Katniss could guess who he was talking about. It wasn't that hard, even for a slightly naïve girl like herself. She smiled and stepped forward to hug him but was pulled short when he said something that made her stomach flip and her heart surge into a panic.

"Katniss is my life, Annie. I still love her with everything that I am."

Katniss backed away, shocked by those four words. 'I still love her'. She didn't know what to do with them. She didn't even know her own feelings. All she had known was that she was feeling that deep connection between herself and Peeta revitalising itself but she didn't know if she could call it love. In fact, she was entirely sure that she didn't even know what love felt like. In those terms anyway.

She was intent on sneaking away. On pretending she hadn't heard anything. Except Willow suddenly barrelled in from the kitchen and slammed her walkie against the back of the sofa. Peeta jumped in surprise and turned around. When he saw Katniss standing there, looking as shell shocked as she did, his face fell into a perfect picture of horror.

Stalemate.


	18. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta confront each other about the phone call with Annie.

Chapter Eighteen

They must have stood there, staring at each other, for a good five minutes. Katniss didn't know what she could say. She was dumbfounded; speechless; flabbergasted. She had known that Peeta still cared about her, for she still cared about him. However, she had grown to believe that those deep feelings of love that had remained within him since they were children had been lost during the hijacking. She thought that the lies Snow fed to him were too horrific for anything that could even resemble love to ever be salvaged. She had never paused to ponder how she felt if that had turned out to be the truth. Maybe she was too frightened to. Maybe she just didn't have the time to. Or maybe she was in denial of something. Whatever the reason, she wasn't sure.

"Do you want me to go?" Peeta surprised her by asking. He'd quickly bid farewell to Annie upon noticing Katniss' presence behind him, alongside promises to visit in 4 when the roads opened. The phone was still in his hand, the receiver clutched tight between his fingers in a vice-like grip.

"Why would you go?" Katniss frowned.

"There's a line and I crossed it," Peeta answered, like this were an obvious answer.

Katniss squinted at the boy in front of her, completely perplexed. "When has there ever been a line between us?" she asked.

"Katniss, you are bound to know that I drew a line when I started living here. I did not want to put you in danger or hurt you again, so I made sure we kept a distance between each other," Peeta explained. "Surely you knew that."

Katniss remembered when she kissed him and he wouldn't accept it. The day she let him put her burn cream on and he let her take his leg off. That moment had been charged with so much emotion, it was impossible for Peeta to not have felt it too. So why did he turn her down? Was it because of this apparent 'line'? This . . . fear he had of getting too close to her? Because she was too delicate or he was too sick?

"If you have, I certainly didn't adhere to it," she muttered.

"It's me who's in the wrong," Peeta insisted. His face was the colour of ripe strawberries, flushed in a mixture of embarrassment and mortification and fear. "You would have lived a good life without knowing that I still have feelings for you. You could have gone on and done great things, you still can I'm sure. But I know you Katniss. You're stubborn. I don't want you to tie yourself down here just because I'm a stupid . . . mushy lovesick fool."

Katniss looked over her shoulder, at Willow who was falling asleep in her walkie. "What makes you think I would tie myself down here just for you?" she asked.

There was a pause while Peeta processed the question. "I . . . I don't know," he mustered. "I-I just thought you would try to"-

"Stay here? Live my days in this house with you? Try to fix you and make you better? Get married? Have a family?" Katniss looked back at him, agitation in her eyes. "Do you believe I would do that with someone I didn't deeply care about myself? Do you think so lowly of me that, after everything I have went through, I would not give myself the simple pleasure of spending my time with someone who makes me happy? Or worse, give those things to someone I don't like?"

"Katniss"-

"I do not intend to get married for years," Katniss interrupted. "Maybe not ever. I want to make that clear right now." Peeta nodded, slightly confused as to how marriage came into the conversation in the first place. "But that doesn't mean that I'm not prepared to love someone someday. But, here's the thing, I can't see myself being with anyone else but you. I don't know if that means I'm in love or it just means that you mean a lot to me. But who knows what that could grow into in ten years' time"-

"But what about Gale?" Peeta asked.

Katniss blinked. "Gale left me," she said. "Gale buggered off, just like my mother, to wallow in his own self-pity. I haven't had one phone call and it has nearly been a year since the rebellion ended. Why in the world would I ever want him in my life again?"

"I don't know . . . It just made more sense because he didn't . . ."

"He didn't what?" Katniss asked. She stepped closer to Peeta, arms still folded protectively across her chest. "Didn't try to kill me?"

Peeta's eyes were dark, heavy with sadness. "Yes."

"Is that why you won't get close to me? Is that what you're afraid of? Peeta, how many times do I have to tell you that I forgive you? How many times must we go over this before you realize that I will never hold what happened against you?" Katniss demanded. "What must I do to show you that you are forgiven?"

"You don't understand." Peeta took her by the shoulders and leaned down so their faces were inches apart. Katniss held her breath, shocked by the carnal compulsion to lean forward and connect their lips. "You may forgive me, Katniss. But I will never forgive myself."

"But why?" Katniss ground out between her teeth, trying to smother her anger.

"Because I love you," Peeta said desperately. His voice hitched and Katniss felt her heart sink at the realization that he was going to cry. Or trying really not hard not to cry. "Because I have always loved you and will continue loving you until the day I die. I love you so much that I will never let myself be forgiven for trying to hurt you so badly. It just won't happen."

"You're so frustrating sometimes!" Katniss barked at him, tears of her own growing in her eyes. "Why can't you just listen to me? Why can't you just accept that you are forgiven? It was Snow's fault, all of it! He tried to take you away from me! If you continue to distance yourself, if you continue this game of back and forth, then you're letting him achieve what he set out to do! He'll have taken one of the very few things I have left in my life that I love, somehow destroying my life even when he's damn dead!"

Peeta looked slightly shell shocked. "That you love?" he repeated dubiously.

Katniss stared at him. "Yes," she croaked. "That I love."

They were staring at each other again, both dazed and confused. Katniss was practically panting, having been overcome by her emotions and rage in that one second. Peeta didn't know what to say at all. He had heard this from her so many times. So many times when they had to pretend. Those times where he didn't know that they had to pretend and ended up getting hurt. He had never planned to be told, with genuine sincerity, by Katniss, that she loved him. Now that she had said it, he was stunned into silence.

"I don't know in what way," Katniss eventually said, her voice stiff as a board. "It will take a while for me to know in what way. I don't know much about this type of thing. About love or compassion. I don't even know how to fully express it, even to myself." She looped her arms through Peeta's and grabbed his biceps, her fingers digging desperately into his skin. "Don't let Snow take you from me, please. We've got so far. Made so much progress. You can't let this happen."

Katniss searched Peeta's eyes desperately. He hadn't said a thing since she admitted her love to him. She leaned closer, a frown furrowing on her face, and her fingers loosened on his arms as she realized what she had done. She had been too busy ranting to him, pouring her heart out and desperately trying to get him to understand that she didn't notice. She didn't see it happen.

She didn't notice when Peeta's eyes turned black.

"Peeta," she whispered, voice suddenly very small. "Let go of me."

"I can't," he ground out.

"Why not?"

"If I do, I'm going to lose control."

Katniss' breath hitched. She didn't know what to do. Anything could set him off. Cause him to throw her to the ground and strangle her to death. Right now she was a mutt, an ugly creature born to hate. The being that hurt Peeta, betrayed him, toyed with his emotions like it were its plaything. The artificial version of her, concocted by President Snow, that did nothing but leave destruction in her wake. The version of her that Peeta wanted to kill.

No.

Wait.

That wasn't happening.

Katniss could see that Peeta was fighting it. His eyes were wide, completely black, and he was staring at her with a crazed desperation that bordered on panicked. His arms trembled as his mind waged war on itself, pushing away the shiny lies that Snow planted in his brain. The tears that had been growing in Katniss' eyes spilled out, dripping from her face as she realized how hard he was trying not to hurt her.

"I'm safe, real or not real?" asked Peeta.

"Real," Katniss answered, having grown accustomed to the game after so long of ensuring Peeta's sanity with it.

"Snow is dead, real or on real?"

"Real."

"This is all my fault, real or not real?"

"Not real. Never real," Katniss said, practically before he even finished the sentence.

Peeta nodded, jaw clenched tight as if he feared he may bite her. "I'm going to hurt you, real or not real?" he nearly gasped, fear covering his tone as he began to lose the battle inside his mind.

"Not real," Katniss said firmly. She lunged forward and connected their lips, just like when they had been thrown into battle together and had nearly lost one another for good. She didn't believe it would work again, not as well as it had when Finnick died, but maybe it would anchor him a little.

When she pulled away, she wretched her arms from his grasp. Before he could lose control and attack, she wrapped her arms tight around his neck, pulling his face into the crook of her neck and holding him tight. "Stay with me, please," she begged, voice hoarse and full of fear. "Please don't let him take you away from me. Please, not now. Not when I just . . . Not now!"

Peeta shuddered in her arms, only resisting for a second. His knees buckled and he fell to the floor, pulling Katniss down with him. She clutched him against her, her own fear broiling in her stomach but remaining at bay for Peeta's sake.

"I'm going to hurt myself, real or not real?" he muttered, his voice muffled against her shirt.

"Not real," Katniss said fiercely. "I won't let you."

"You care about me, real or not real?"

"Real," Katniss whispered into his hair, subconsciously rocking back and forth without thinking about it. "That's what you and I do. We look out for each other."

Peeta went slack in her arms, like someone flipped a switch and all the energy drained from him. Katniss didn't let go, worried that it may be ruse. She had begun to hum into his hair, the tune of the Valley Song vibrating in her bones as she climbed down from the painful high her terror had caused.

"You will always keep fighting, real or not real?" she asked.

Peeta closed his eyes and nodded. "Real."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I can't apologise enough to those waiting for an update on Me Katniss, You Peeta and that I missed updating this story last week as well. I'm going through a bit of a rough time recently and I'm struggling to do anything that I enjoy, even writing and updating my stories. I'm sorry but I'm trying to get through it, it just may take some time.


	19. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss gets a surprise call from Effie, but what she is told is not what she had been expecting . . .

Chapter Nineteen

It was shocking how long they had had Willow for. Katniss had been passing through the living room when she noticed that, on the calendar that Sae had left behind, that the year was nearly ending. It had been four months since Sae had left, meaning that Katniss and Peeta had been living together for four months and a bit, alongside Willow. It caused her to pause. Really? Had it been that long?

"It doesn't feel like four months," Peeta said at the dinner table that night. Katniss had started to attempt to cook meals each evening. They were basic but filling. The taste wasn't that bad, either. She was improving with every passing day. Afterward, Peeta would always have something new made for dessert.

"It doesn't," Katniss agreed. She watched Peeta feed Willow her mashed potatoes, remembering when she had wanted the child out of the house as soon as possible. Now she was reluctant to let anyone take her. "Has there been any word from Hayden?"

Peeta shook his head. "No, not as far as I know."

Since their encounter, when Peeta had his hijacking attack and Katniss had had an outburst of her own, they had been trying to get back to the point they had been at before the rebellion. Despite Peeta's fear of hurting her again, they understood the importance of their being able to be close once more. They hadn't spoken much about love, or the other intimate things that had taken place, but Katniss could tell that the conversation would eventually come up.

"Has she even spoken to Haymitch yet?" asked Katniss.

"No idea," Peeta answered.

Katniss frowned at her plate. She wondered why Hayden hadn't went to Haymitch yet. Maybe she had just shown up at Katniss and Peeta's house to tell lies and scare them? But why? What would she gain from that?

"Do you think she's going to come back?"

"I would like to think she would, after making such a claim like she did," Peeta said.

When Peeta finished feeding Willow, Katniss handed her a napkin to play with. Willow pulled it apart immediately, laughing like a hyper kitten. It made Katniss smile because of how happy she was. Willow's innocence had grown to become something Katniss depended on to make her feel better. Just as she was getting a cloth to wipe away Willow's mess, Katniss heard the phone ring.

"I've got it," she said, which she didn't realize was odd because it was her house and she shouldn't have to inform Peeta whenever she was answering her phone. Couples would do that sort of thing, when they shared a house . . . "Hello?"

"Katniss?"

Katniss' eyes widened. "Effie?!"

"Hello dear, how are you?"

"I'm . . . I'm good Effie. How are you?"

"Just fine, sweetheart." Katniss wondered why Effie was calling out of the blue. She told Haymitch that as soon as the roads were established she would come to visit but since then they haven't heard a peep. They'd just assumed that they'd hear from her again when she came to visit. Maybe she would move into one of the houses here in 12, although Katniss doubted it. If her home in the Capitol wasn't destroyed, Katniss had thought she would probably be more comfortable there. "Katniss, sweetie, is Haymitch okay?"

"I think so," Katniss frowned, confused by the question. "Why?"

"He called me a few minutes ago, babbling a lot of nonsense about girlfriends and children," Effie explained. "I don't think he wanted you to know he was upset, but I don't know why he thought I would keep it to myself."

Katniss wondered what was wrong with Haymitch. Why he was suddenly so distraught. "Did he say what happened?"

Effie took a breath. "His granddaughter Hayden came to his house today."

"You know about Hayden?!" Katniss exclaimed.

"Yes, dear. My cell was opposite hers in the Capitol Dungeon," Effie answered, her voice quivering a little at the forced remembrance. "They used to interrogate her, try to get a rise from her by baiting things about Haymitch, about her mother, things I didn't understand myself. I knew she had been released, and that she was with child, but I thought she would leave Haymitch alone . . ."

Hayden must have went to Haymitch and told him everything! Katniss inwardly cursed. "Effie, can I pass you over to Peeta?"

"Of course," Effie replied, sounding slightly confused.

"Peeta!" Katniss called. A second later Peeta appeared with Willow sitting snuggled against his side. "It's Effie. She'll explain. I've got to go."

A sliver of understanding passed between them. Peeta didn't ask any questions, he just took the phone and started talking to Effie. Katniss hurried to the door and grabbed her coat on the way out, shrugging it on as she passed through the gardens and up Haymitch's porch. She pounded on the door with her fist, so hard her skin turned red.

"Open up Haymitch!"

"Go away!" he shouted back.

Katniss stopped pounding. "Willow isn't with me."

The inside of the house went silent. Katniss stood waiting. She was about to attempt to climb in through his back window when she heard the locks being opened. The door swung open, revealing a red eyed Haymitch, clutching a bottle of vodka in his hand.

"You didn't," Katniss said, her eyes locked on the bottle. He had been doing so well! He hadn't touched a drop since they returned to 12!

"No," he answered, his voice rugged. "I didn't." He showed her the bottle, and the lid that was still locked into place. "But I'm considering it."

"Haymitch, I know this is difficult to come to terms with . . . Hell, I don't even know if I believe it," Katniss began. "But"-

Haymitch scoffed. "It's true," he said despondently.

Katniss blinked, droplets of rain clinging to her eyelashes as the weather began to turn on its head again. "How can you be sure?" she asked, her heart beating violently in her chest.

"The story checks out," Katniss' mentor muttered, grey eyes falling on the ground. Katniss hadn't seen him so deflated since Peeta came back from the Capitol hijacked. "When they . . . when they took my girl . . . She was pregnant. It wasn't exactly the best looked upon thing, especially in that day and age, but we hid it well by hiding in this very house."

Suddenly, Katniss remembered the girl's clothes that Haymitch had given her when she had been soaking wet and . . . "The baby carrier," she stated. The old baby carrier Haymitch brought down from his attic for Katniss and Peeta to carry Willow around in.

Haymitch nodded.

"The bottles and the milk," Katniss added. "Sae didn't just 'find them', did she?"

"She was a week away from her due date when they took her," Haymitch grumbled, scuffing his feet against the doorframe. "I never touched a thing we bought for the baby until Willow showed up. I don't like kids, I never did, so when I became a mentor I retreated behind a bottle. But you and the boy were determined, you forced me to care again. And look where it got us."

"You don't regret it." Katniss wasn't asking a question, she was stating a fact.

"No." Haymitch shook his head. "No I do not."

Katniss was never good at comforting people. Primrose and Peeta were the only two who had ever brought her far enough out of her awkward shell to have the ability to console. She didn't know what she could say to Haymitch because, even though they had both experienced trauma, they had been through different brands of trauma.

"When I lost Primrose," Katniss said to her feet, "I thought the world had ended." Haymitch lifted his head and squinted at her, waiting for tears or shuddering or signs of a break down. "It hurts like hell but we've got to stand up and keep moving. If we don't keep moving then we're just going to stop . . . shut down . . . and rust. I found my reason to stay alive. That's Peeta. Maybe you've found yours."

Haymitch was shaking his head. "I can't look after that baby, Katniss. I'm not fitted to be a father, not now. Not even a great grandfather. I know you want rid of Willow, but I'm not cut out for"-

"I don't mean you look after Willow," Katniss muttered. She took a shaky breath. "Hayden is your granddaughter, part of your family tree. You thought you'd lost your family back when you won your Games. Now maybe you can get it back. Maybe that can be your reason for keeping going."

"Hayden told me that she can't bear being around here, knowing that her daughter is so close and that she can't reach her," Haymitch said wearily.

"I know," Katniss replied. She clenched her fists hard and ground her teeth together. "Which means Peeta and I will do it. We'll give Willow back."


	20. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta return Willow to Hayden. The District 12 memorial is unveiled.

Chapter Twenty

The day they gave her back, Hayden came to the house with a backpack that was spilling over the brim with toys and clothes, clutching a teddy bear in her hands. Katniss sat on the sofa, not moving at all, holding Willow on her knee like a teddy of her own. Willow didn't understand. She poked at Katniss' face and tugged on her hair, giggling every so often at how Katniss remained emotionless.

It was clear that Hayden was trying to hide her excitement. She understood that Katniss and Peeta would struggle to give Willow up but she couldn't help feeling overjoyed to know that her baby was coming back to her. Peeta was explaining things to her, about how Willow couldn't sleep during storms and how she didn't like broccoli, and it was making everything so much more surreal. Katniss could hear the dread in his voice, could physically feel how reluctant he was to give Willow back. They had known this day was coming, they just hadn't prepared properly for it.

"Haymitch will be keeping tabs on you," Peeta informed Hayden. "If we hear of anything foul going on, we'll take Willow back, do you understand? We gained that right when you left her on Katniss' doorstep."

Hayden nodded. "I understand completely."

Katniss felt them coming closer and she clutched Willow tighter. No. Not yet. She wasn't ready. She felt Peeta's hand on her shoulder and she shook her head. "Katniss," he said softly, "please." His voice was pleading, begging her not to make him prise Willow from her arms. It would only make things harder and it would be a miserable experience for not only Katniss and Peeta, but Willow too.

Katniss exhaled shakily and stood up. She turned around to face Hayden and Peeta, hugging Willow against her desperately. "If you dare misplace the trust we are giving you, not only will we take Willow back but I will hunt you down and make you pay for it," she said, being a lot less ethical than Peeta had been.

Again, Hayden nodded. "I understand," she said. She held her arms out, smiling hopefully. "You can see her whenever you want to."

Katniss glanced at Peeta but quickly looked away when she saw he was tearing up. Salt water was swelling in her own eyes too and she had to push them away forcefully as she walked around the sofa and handed Willow over.

Willow realised what was happening. She grabbed Katniss' braid, clinging to her desperately, her face scrunching up and tears falling from her eyes. Katniss' heart broke as the child began to scream, kicking out at Hayden and trying to stay in Katniss' embrace. "Willow, it's okay," Katniss said, trying to sound soothing, but her voice only surfaced as a choked sob.

Hayden untangled the baby's hand from Katniss hair and transferred her into her own arms easily. She tried to hush Willow as she went for the door by holding her against her chest, so her head was on her shoulder. Katniss stepped back, blindly searching for Peeta's hand, when it happened.

"Mama!" Willow cried, blue eyes locked on Katniss as she reached out and scrabbled at the air for her. "Mama! Dada!"

Peeta grabbed Katniss as she lunged forward. Hayden turned out, having heard the ruckus, and jumped at the sight of Peeta having to physically restrain Katniss from coming after her. "Give her back, I've changed my mind!" Katniss screamed. "She wants to stay with us, she doesn't want you!"

"Hayden, leave!" Peeta shouted urgently.

"Willow wants us, not her!" Katniss sobbed, battering Peeta with her fists as Hayden threw the door open and slammed it shut again behind her. "We looked after her, she loves us now! We can't just leave her like that!"

Peeta restrained Katniss' fists, stopping her from beating him any further. His face was soaked with tears and he was trying hard not to break down himself. "She's not our baby," he said brokenly. "We could never have kept her."

"But why? She would never have known any different!" Katniss screamed at him.

"But we would have!" Peeta replied.

Katniss' bottom lip quivered. She gasped for breath, tears spurting from her like a fountain. Her hands trembled as Peeta released her wrists. He was right. They could never have kept the charade that they were Willow's parents going forever. It would come out in some shape or form, even if it wasn't from Katniss or Peeta's mouths. It would take some years, which only made it worse, but eventually it would have come out to Willow that Katniss and Peeta weren't really her parents and that they turned her real mother away, and she would probably have hated them for it.

Peeta took a shuddering breath. He closed his eyes, making more tears drip onto his shirt, and he inhaled sharply. "I didn't think it would be so hard," he murmured.

Katniss eyed him through her tears. She sniffed and closed the distance between their bodies, her arms wrapping around his back and her face pressing into his chest. "I didn't think I would ever love a child again," she said. "Prim had been . . . I thought she would be the only . . ."

"I know," Peeta said, pressing his face against the top of her head.

"I can't be alone again," Katniss gasped, fear seizing her heart at the idea of having to bid Peeta farewell. Of him going back to live in his own house as if the past five months hadn't happened at all.

"As long as I live and breathe," said Peeta, "you will never be alone."

Katniss shuddered in their embrace. She didn't care that she was getting his shirt covered in tears, or that she probably looked a state, all she wanted to do was hug Peeta and cry. The thing she should have done when she found him planting the primroses outside her house. She could see it now: hugging him; crying; telling him that she appreciated his efforts; inviting him into her house so they could catch up. Instead she was mad, stupidly so, and walked away.

She would never walk away from him again.

"Leevy said that the memorial will be ready tomorrow," Katniss said, wandering completely off topic to save herself the pain that was causing her heart to palpitate. "There's going to be an unveiling or something . . ."

"Are you going to go?" Peeta asked.

Katniss could see a time when she would have said no. That seeing Primrose's name on a memorial statue for the dead would send her into a crazy, miserable state. However, now she wanted to go. She wanted to go to salute her sister, to remember that even though she was gone, her memory would forever live on.

"Yes," Katniss murmured. "I am."

Peeta stayed again that night. Katniss would cry on and off, thinking that she was okay but then remembering how Willow looked when she shouted 'Mama!' and falling over all over again. Peeta didn't care that he had to stay awake with her. He preferred staying in her bed and comforting her to the alternative: going home and knowing that she was alone with her fear and misery.

The next day, Katniss found a dress that Cinna had made her at the back of her wardrobe. It had been designed for the reaping of the Quarter Quell tributes, before they had known what the Quarter Quell entailed. It was a summer dress. It was light, simple and the tartan material was a gorgeous yellow colour that reminded Katniss of dandelions. She pulled it on and looked in the mirror. Her arms and legs were exposed with it on, her burned, withered skin on display. No, maybe not.

Katniss turned around, intent on pulling the dress off, when Peeta returned from the bathroom. His breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening at the sight of her in the dress. Katniss feared what he was going to say about her putting so much of her damage on display. She rubbed her arm sheepishly and tried not to flee the room with terror.

"You look beautiful," Peeta said with awe.

Katniss' head snapped up. She let go of her arm and straightened up, feeling suddenly empowered by Peeta's words. Peeta was not a liar and she trusted him to tell her when she looked good and when she didn't. "Thank you," she murmured.

She kept the dress on.

Peeta, too, made an effort. He hadn't went into town since his hijacking attack and wanted to make sure he looked as well put together as possible. Katniss helped him comb his hair back and went with him to his house to help him pick out a nice outfit. Not that she knew much about clothes but she guessed she knew a bit more than Peeta did. When Haymitch saw them from his porch: Katniss wearing a dress and Peeta with his hair combed back, he smiled with relief. He knew Hayden had taken Willow the previous day and had worried that both the kids would have broken down.

"You going to the memorial unveiling?" he asked.

"Yep, just need to pick Peeta out some clothes," Katniss said.

"I'll make the journey into town with you guys," Haymitch replied.

"Okay, we'll see you in a couple of minutes."

Katniss picked Peeta out a nice, forest green button down with a pair of dark denim jeans to match. That, matched with his freshly combed hair and a pair black sneakers, made him look very handsome. He'd have the remaining Merchant girls pounding his door down, maybe some Seam and Capitolites too. Katniss frowned. No, actually, that wasn't a good thing. Peeta was hers and she was his.

Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch walked into town as a threesome. Katniss hadn't realised that her hand was resting in the crook of Peeta's elbow until they made it into the centre of the partly rebuilt Merchant Square. The crowd practically parted for them, as if everyone knew that they deserved to stand at the front of the audience. They didn't stare, or gape, or point, or make comments as they passed through, like when Katniss and Peeta would travel through Capitol crowds with linked arms. They simply parted to let them through and made no big deal of the fact that Katniss was holding onto Peeta's arm, as if they were back together.

Leevy had the honours of unveiling the memorial, as she had put the most time and thought into it. Katniss couldn't comprehend how big it was, shrouded in a tarp so she couldn't see what it looked like. Leevy made a speech beforehand. "A wise man once said that our lives aren't measured in years, that they are measured in the lives of the people we've touched around us," she said, quoting Peeta's victory tour speech from District 11, "and every name on this memorial has touched someone's life in one way or another. The people here aided the fight to our freedom, others were simply slaves to the initiative. They all earned a place here, however, in our minds and our hearts."

Leevy waited for the applause to die down before she continued. "Not everyone who aided our cause so valiantly died, either," she said. "And we have the honour of being in the presence of people who gave everything up in the hopes of saving the people of Panem." Her eyes fell on Katniss, eyes shining. "We want to thank you, Katniss, as a district, for everything you have done for us. We never got to say those simple words to you. We will be eternally grateful for all that you have done."

Katniss wasn't one for being singled out. She didn't know what to do or say. Her throat hurt but she nodded at Leevy, unable to speak she was so choked up. Leevy walked over to her and took her hand, bringing her over to the tarp. "I'm not going to unveil this," Leevy told her. "You are."

Katniss looked at Leevy with shock. The other girl simply nodded, gesturing for her to pull the tarp down. She looked out at the crowd, and saw a few Capitol cameras being held at the back. The whole of Panem was seeing this right now. For once, that didn't scare her.

She took the tarp and yanked it away. The crowd's applause was deafening. Katniss stepped back to get a better look at it.

It was a huge pedestal, with three Mockingjays sitting at different levels on top of it. The one right on top of the pedestal was one similar to Katniss' pin. Trapped in a golden circle with an arrow in its mouth. The second was attached to the top right of the first, and the circle was breaking apart and the bird was coming free. And finally, attached in the same way, was the third, towering above everything else with no circle to contain it and its wings spread as it took off in flight.

On the huge pedestal, was hundreds of names. At the front, where Katniss stood, was DISTRICT 12 written in gold cursive, and every name of every person who died in the rebellion was 12 was written there. Madge Undersee was the first that caught Katniss' eye and her breath caught in her throat. Then just above that . . .

Primrose Everdeen.

Katniss reached out with a shaky hand and brushed her fingers over her sister's name. She felt a hand touch her arm and she smiled at Peeta, who had seemed concerned about her. Her eyes scanned the names further as some others from the crowd approached to have a look as well. In the middle of the District 12 section was where she saw more names she recognised.

Damien Mellark.

Semira Mellark.

Nathan "Naan" Mellark.

Ryean "Rye" Mellark.

"Peeta," Katniss whispered, reaching out and grabbing his hands. "They're all here."

Peeta was staring at his family's names, and Katniss could tell that he was having to force himself not to cry. She squeezed his hand tight and he looked at her, a small smile playing on his lips. "They are," he said.

They moved around the memorial and realised that every District was on it. Not only for people who died in the rebellion, but in the Games too. They went around the whole memorial, examining each District and pointing out names they recognized. Some memories pleasant, others not so much.

"When Annie comes, we have to show her this," Katniss said as she rubbed her thumb over Finnick's name, the first one for District 4.

"We do," Peeta agreed.

Katniss paused at District 11, where Rue's name stood proudly at the top. She smiled fondly, leaning her head against Peeta's arm. She had always tried not to think too much about Rue, because it was too painful for her to relive, but now Katniss remembered the good things. Their allying together; Rue's smile; her spirit. The memories of the dead did not have to be shrouded with darkness.

Once they'd made it the full way around, Katniss saw Haymitch standing at the District 12 segment, smiling at the name Maysilee Donner. She went over to him and hugged him, something that she and Haymitch both did not have a particular care for. When they parted, she smiled at him.

"We stayed alive," she said.

Haymitch chuckled. "You did indeed."

Hayden emerged from the crowd, pushing Willow in a buggy. Katniss' breath caught in her throat and she grabbed Peeta for support. Haymitch's granddaughter went straight to them, her eyes tired but full of love. "Hi," she said.

"Hello," Peeta replied when Katniss failed to.

"Thank you," Hayden said. "For being a parent to her when I couldn't be. I don't plan on taking her away from you both and I actually want you, alongside Haymitch to be involved in her life." She smiled at Katniss and asked, "You can hold her if you want."

Katniss crouched to the ground to be eye level with Willow. "Mama!" Willow exclaimed, innocent delight filling her features.

"Hello sweetheart," Katniss said, feeling choked up all over again. She unbuckled the belt in the buggy and lifted Willow out, holding the baby to her like they had never been parted. She stepped closer to Peeta, allowing him to take her for a little bit too while Haymitch and Hayden chatted.

"Dada," Willow laughed, immediately going for Peeta's combed hair and messing it up. Peeta and Katniss took this time with her, to fully appreciate and understand the beautiful innocence that they had kept under their roof for five months. And even though they would have to give her back again, it was not goodbye forever.

Life would go on.

Just as it always does.


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending is just the beginning of a whole new adventure.

Epilogue

The fire was warm against Katniss' skin, fanning her frantically beating heart and causing it to flutter. She sat with her feet in front of her. Knees bent, hands out. Her stomach churned with nerves, making her feel a mixture of nausea and excitement. She wanted to do this, for that she was sure. However, the constant niggle at the back of her head, reminding her that she didn't know what lay ahead, was responsible for her anxiety.

There was no one else in the house. They wanted to do this by themselves. If the Capitol got wind of the situation, they would demand to know every detail; have it broadcast; make it the most momentous occasion of the century. Maybe it was . . . To Katniss it was. But she didn't want any of that. She didn't want to be showered in frills or forced in front of a camera for this. She had spent a large part of her teenage life in front of a Capitol Camera, things that no one should be forced to share thrown out into the masses. This one time, Katniss wanted to have peace in her life. She wanted to do this on her own.

Well, not entirely on her own.

Katniss smiled at Peeta, who sat by the fire in a position that mirrored hers. The flames licked and flickered in his bright, blue eyes, making the tears that had gathered on the bottom lids glisten like diamonds. Katniss felt choked up herself, but she had said that she was going to be strong, and for that she wished to stand by. They had discussed this at such length and Peeta had put so much passion and love into the words that he spoke when he first purposed the idea . . . Katniss couldn't say no. It took her long enough, but now she knew who she was meant to take this step with.

And that was with Peeta.

Peeta baked the bread himself, adding that perfect personal touch that made this event so much more flawless. The dark winter evening made the fire burn so much brighter, matching that of the flames that used to haunt Katniss behind her eyelids when she fell asleep. The flames that sometimes still did. Fire symbolised bravery; fire symbolised passion; fire symbolised the love that had turned into an inferno over these many years since the rebellion ended.

Katniss wondered if she and Peeta would still be here if Willow hadn't been brought into their lives. Would they have still somehow found their way to each other? Or would they have spent the rest of their existence staying in their respective houses, not even exchanging as much as a single word? The thought alone sent a fearful shiver down Katniss' spine and she chose to ignore it, pushing the idea itself to the back of her mind.

Peeta picked up the knife and Katniss saw that he was trembling a little. She leaned forward and placed her hand on top of his. He looked up and met her gaze, eyes alight with what Katniss could only describe as raw emotion. She threaded their fingers together and they sliced two pieces off from the loaf together.

"I toast this bread, as a symbol of my everlasting love for you," Peeta said, his slice speared through the poker. He reached out and held the bread over the fire, letting the flames consume it.

Spearing her own slice, Katniss reached out and grasped Peeta' hand, holding it tight in her own. "I toast this bread, as a symbol of my everlasting love for you," she repeated.

"Unlike this fire, my devotion to you will never die . . ."

". . . and unlike this bread I will never let my love go stale . . ."

"I will be your husband through the labyrinth of life, never leaving your side . . ."

". . . I will be your wife, who will cherish and adore you . . ."

At the end of the toasting ceremony, the couple who have been joined in matrimony are supposed to look each other in the eyes and say 'forever'. However, both Katniss and Peeta had the same idea, a change to the play on words to make the service completely theirs, and no one else's.

Katniss turned to look Peeta in the eyes. As his gaze met hers, she saw nothing but awe and admiration. She hoped she was able to project the same emotions back, because Katniss didn't feel like any human description could fully describe her love for Peeta, so her gaze was all she had. Despite herself, she began to cry, and the sight of this was the incentive that Peeta needed to let his tears fall too.

They weren't sad.

They were overcome with happiness.

The rest of the world blurring out, Peeta squeezed Katniss' hand. All that mattered in this moment was them, nothing else. They took a deep breath, ready to speak in unison; ready to cement the commitment they were about to make. Ready to embark on a brand new journey together.

Katniss smiled, completely content.

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi guys! I'm so sorry I'm posting this so late in the day! There's a bug making its way around my house and my whole family are riddled with sickness. But, hey, better now than next week, right?
> 
> So, that's it! I hope you all enjoyed reading Kindred. It's one of my favourite fanfictions that I've ever written and I hope that this ending was satisfying enough. I avoided writing a post rebellion story for a very long time before I wrote this one because I didn't know if I could tackle the emotion and complexity that would have to go into all the characters, especially Katniss and Peeta. I hope I did it justice.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your overwhelming love and support! I promise that I will try as hard as I can to get Me Katniss, You Peeta back on track. You can keep up with my stories and other creative works on my twitter @BBerrychills94 and please follow me also on my Instagram @erinluuvsbooks94 if you want! Let me know you're a reader and I'll immediately follow back.
> 
> Merry Christmas and I wish you all a happy, healthy and safe New Year! <3


End file.
